Disassociation

[ssw]

Hey guys... I'm new to the site. I was lea here from Google looking for tips to calm a disassociated thought process.

So I do apologize if I'm in the wrong place. But... Does anyone else suffer from this?
I have not been diagnosed.. Yet. I'm in counseling now... But they're all the same. I don't prefer talking about my feelings, thus the disassociation. So this is hard for me.. But I don't know what else to do.

I'm sure at least some of you have been there - misdiagnosed, doctors don't listen or care.. With that being said, I believe I suffer from a disassociated personality - I switch off from emotions immediately when overwhelmed.
I'm technically diagnosed as Bipolar and Manic Depressant.. there was trauma in my childhood.

But I need help. I'm scared, my episodes are making my head feel like it will exploded from pressure. Cutting then becomes desirable because it brings you back to reality (oops, there goes gravity... Haha I had!)

And of course if I cut people are sad and hurt and want to poke at me and ask why why would you do tht to yourself?

Oh, I don't know, I just can't seem to keep my head in one place.. So I can focus in the cutting and come out of disassociation much more quickly.

So.. Help? Anyone? I need someone to talk to ... Someone to help me understand what the hell (can I cuss here?) is going on with me.

 

[AEW]

Welcome! I know how frustrating it is when the docs don't care and don't really know or care to find out whats happening. They seem awful happy to write prescriptions for drugs they sure ensure are even correct before giving them to us. I think you're in the right place, trauma is a complicated thing and by nature it's kinda sneaky. It's like the mind has its own version of shock to protect itself... and sometimes it just doesn't want to wear off. I'm no help with the cutting as I only did it once or twice like 10 years ago, but all I remember is I was desperate to release everything inside. I hope you stick around the forum :-) and I hope it helps!

 

[ssw]

Welcome! I know how frustrating it is when the docs don't care and don't really know or care to find out wha...

Thank you, AW. I plan to stick around.. Plan to try to fix myself. Nasty business. ;)

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you seeing professionals who are knowledgeable about trauma? I think it makes a big difference! In a world where symptoms from so many disorders overlap, it can be hard to get an accurate diagnosis.

 

[AEW]

Thank you, AW. I plan to stick around.. Plan to try to fix myself. Nasty business. ;)

I'm glad to hear it :-) *hugs*

 

[Freebird71]

I agree. Finding a therapist who specializes in trauma is your best bet. I disassociate. a lot actually. I only recently discovered that I have done this pretty much my whole life. I suffer from black outs, but mostly flashback mode and slow mode if you know what I mean. Finding literature about ptsd (cptsd) to wrap your head around is good as well and what I found to be a leaping point. So feel afraid to post and share. I am new here to and seeing other people's strength has already helped me.

 

[Freebird71]

I agree. Finding a therapist who specializes in trauma is your best bet. I disassociate. a lot actual...

excuse me. dont feel afraid...lol

 

[Sideways]

ssw

Welcome! You are not in the wrong place:)

I started out as Bipolar, and it took 3 years before the C-PTSD diagnosis got added (now together with DID, & also Borderline traits) so find a better doctor!

The cutting - it's the only way to really feel the pain and let it out, yeah? At least that's how it was for me, for years. There are other ways, better ways, to let all those overwhelming emotions out and feel like you're in reality again. And the people around you are hurting from your self-harm because they love you, and they know you deserve to feel better.

Think about the times you cut yourself. How bad was it? That's how much you're suffering. That's why your brain can't cope and is switching off on you. But the cutting is only a short term solution, like getting drunk. It feels like the only thing that helps, but actually, it's holding you back, and hurting you physically and emotionally much more.

Try and be kind to yourself while you find better help. And stick around, because the people here can be a lifeline.

 

[BlueOrange]

I can't stand the sight of blood, so I've always bruised myself, rather than cutting. Pain does focus the mind, which can be a wonderful relief. However, there's some pretty serious downsides, as I'm sure you're aware.

Is this the right place for you if you don't have PTSD? Maybe. What you'll probably find is that if you don't have PTSD, then you'll have difficulty relating to what some of us are saying, and things won't quite fit together in a way that makes sense. As far as I can tell, anyone with trauma-induced structural dissociation is welcome here (certainly, when my diagnosis was amended from PTSD to DID, nobody talked about kicking me out (not for that reason ;) )).

 

[ssw]

I hope this is a good place for me... I don't seem to connect and feel "at home" anywhere... Here people are nice and understanding. Out there, in the world, people are cruel and cold.

Of course I know the downside of cutting - ugh do I. But I don't anymore. It was just a release because I didn't know what was going on with me and I didn't know how to deal with it properly. Probably don't now, but I'm tying this time.

I just want a friend that won't judge me... That understands empathy. I need a hug a lot. :/

 

[Sideways]

Ssw - need a hug? You've just joined the "I need a hug" website, so definitely in the right spot!

People out in the real world aren't all bad. Give it time. Get to know yourself and you'll find places you belong:)

 

[Deleted member 32731]

I hope this is a good place for me... I don't seem to connect and feel "at home" anywhere... Here people are...

*big bear hugs* You can feel at home here- we understand what you're going through. I've become disattached from emotions connected to stuff that's happened in my life. It's horrible, I know, but hey, we're alive and still breathing, so that's gotta count for something! If you ever need help, message me and I'll try to help-I've been there.:)