Childhood Discerning Reality From Fiction

[katz]

Hi, guys. Over the course of the past few months I have been possibly recovering repressed memories...

In the beginning, I wrote down in a journal what I thought had happened. Then as the years went on, I was able to confirm for myself If the memories were real or not.

Be patient with your self. If anything happened, you will eventually remember enough to satisfy yourself if it happened or not. You don't want to take on to much than you can handle

 

[jenis]

I've been keeping a journal. I think it's helping. I had my first counseling appointment yesterday but they cancelled on me due to illness.
I had a scary thing happen last night. Iheard an outside extension cord popping and I just totally lost it. Went into panic mode. Had to go out in the dark to unplug it and could not find a flashlight.
Ibecame so angry at my partner. H left early from work.
Then I proceeded to tell at him for a couple hours a cussing him of every awful thing that happened to me.
He is still patient and kind and loving.
I feel so much better today after getting it off my chest But horrible for the break through and my behavior towards the man I love.
I feel like a load has been lifted tho. Wish I had my counselor yesterday.
Not understanding of my angry outbursts

 

[Zurrealx98]

I've been keeping a journal. I think it's helping. I had my first counseling appointment yesterday but th...

I'm glad that journaling is of help to you. I have been journaling since late july and it has helped a bit.

Also, I totally understand the whole angry outbursts thing. Generally I'm okay at managing mine and they occur in private, but I have no clue as to why I get set off by the smallest things. The more significant problems in my life I completely detach from, but little frustrations drive me crazy.

I'm glad your partner is patient and understanding towards you. Good luck

 

[jenis]

Thank you for your replies. Sorry about the misspelled or misplaced words in my posts. Slowing down when I'm in the whirly mode is a challenge, impossible for a day or two after a trigger. But now I can recognize.

 

[MissInvisible]

One day I will be absolutely certain that it happened and the next I'll feel deluded or like I'm a liar. Have you told your fiance about this?

This is my life currently, so I completely understand. I don't feel like I need to remember every gory detail to heal and move on. I need to know who did it and what age(s) I was (basically was it a one-time thing or did it go on for years). I worry all the time about false memories and making things up. What I do know is that episodic memory is very pliable and subject to errors. I've come to accept that probably everything I recall about the abuse isn't necessarily completely accurate. But I think the gist of it is true. And, as was said earlier, body memories are extremely accurate. The body memories are what reassure me that my memories are at least somewhat true. Hope this ramble has helped!

 

[Ronin]

I tend to work with what's distressing at the time, if I either don't have the time/space for going to memory hunt, or don't have the tools to verify what went on.

Working with the sensations it stirs in me, the emotions it stirs, the would-be reactions (and containment of them). Usually the truth (or how the truth got twisted) emerges later, and doesn't tend to be needed immediately, even if it feels like it does. Feels hot and isn't. What's mattering more is stabilizing me for the time's sake.

 

[Tree23]

I had the same problem for a very long time, since I got flashbacks actually. my memory is really poor. I can barely remember events from age 10 onwards. so i was surprised I was rembering event from age 6-7. I would ask people I knew how much they remembered and most said that they could remember till about age 5 properly. so i felt as if something was wrong with me at that point.

I did research into survivor stories and found out that many if those abused at a young age find memory more blurry. from there I sort of concluded to myself, that what happened to me actually did happen. and that it wasn't just a fake memory, as much as I want into be.