Disclosing To My Husband In Therapy...

[mrsmegan]

Hi everyone. I am finally feeling ready to disclose the details of the sexual abuse to my husband, and so I made a session for him to come in with my T present. I am terrified. I AM ready - it is hard for me that he doesn't know and I want him to - I just wish I could skip over the part where I have to say words.

I am very anxious that I will panic or start to dissociate. T and I are working together to make sure we have a "plan" of how I want this to look, which is good, it is just hard...

Any advice?

 

[Kiki]

Hi! I'm a supporter of someone who has ptsd, as well as someone whose survived sexual assault. I remember when I told my husband about the assault, I randomly blurted it out during an argument we had the day before we got married. It felt extremely overwhelming to keep it to myself and I felt that I needed to tell him before we'd get married. For some reason I was feeling extra anxious and ashamed about it, which I usually don't but I think the nervousness of getting married was kicking in.

In my opinion I think it'd be good to go in with the mindset of the fact that if he knows what happened then it'll make steps towards better communication and a stronger marriage. If you start to panic or dissociate your therapist will be there to help guid you. I got anxious and started to disassociate when I told my husband which caused him to feel extremely helpless and angry at the fact that I was assaulted. It got a tad out of hand because there was no one to mediate the situation, but in the end we worked things out and I was able to talk about it again in a way that was healthier and easier to receive. So thats awesome that your therapist is helping you come up with a game plan and will be there to make sure everything goes in the right direction!

I know it probably sounds really corny and too simple, but remind yourself before you go in that you're husband loves you and your therapist cares about you. You're going in a scary situation, but with people who are there for you.

 

[7Cs]

I'm so glad that my husband has known about my trauma for a long time now (we've been married 12 years now). He really is amazing and wonderfully supportive. I didn't tell him everything all at once, just a slow feed. Both for me, because it's scary to share those things... guilt, shame, fear of rejection, fear of making ourselves vulnerable etc, but also for him because it's overwhelming for people who love us to hear how we've been hurt. But now I feel like I can talk to him about anything. And it's so good to know that when I start falling apart he understands why and he's there for me even in crisis.

 

[Ceder]

Hi everyone. I am finally feeling ready to disclose the details of the sexual abuse to my husband, and...

I don't have any advice but wanted to wish you good luck and you should be really proud of yourself because it takes courage to share such things.

 

[Sideways]

Sounds like your T knows what they're doing. Trust your T to be there for you. Remember that the feeling of anxiety is not telling you this is a bad idea, it's telling you that this is important. You'll do great.

 

[NightSky]

Way to go. You're being really brave and this is a massive step forward. I can imagine only good things will come of it. Even if you dissociate, going forward your husband will be able to support you better. So don't put a massive amount of pressure on yourself to do it "right." It's not really about the moment of sharing, as much as it is about your journey through life together.

 

[Beaglefan61]

Good that your therapist and you are working on a plan to help if obstacles or feelings or dissociation gets in the way. This is big. This is scary. That is normal. What Raddoll put with "Remember that the feeling of Anxiety is not telling you this is a bad idea, it's telling you that this is important." is so true. Have you heard of metacommunication? That is where we talk about the communication itself and what is going on within the communication. What i am getting to with that, if this is scary, it is okay to say how you feel about the communication, "I AM SCARED AS ALL HECK TO TALK ABOUT THIS!!!!". You saying how you feel about talking about the abuse is not only fair game and may be helpful, it is maybe blasted honest! How wouldn't it be?

 

[mrsmegan]

Thank you all, SO much...

@Kiki Yes, I am continuing to remind myself that I am going in to a scary situation with two people who really care about me. It is also good, for my husband, that T will be there in case I do panic or dissociate, as I know my husband could potentially feel helpless in that situation. It helps me to not feel as though I have to take care of him and me...

@7Cs That is a huge part of why I feel ready to disclose the details - because I need his help and support. I know that with him knowing exactly what happened - I will be able to ask for his help and tell him more about what I am experiencing. I don't want to shut him out of this part of my life anymore, even though it is frightening.

@Ragdoll Circus YES! Thank you for that. You are so good at providing such wisdom in your messages.

@NightSky Yes, you are right. It is about the rest of our lives, and not so much that 50 minute session.

@Beaglefan61 Yes, I am usually pretty quick to voice my feelings about things like that - but I think it will be even more important these next couple of weeks as I view it as a bit of a release valve, if you will, where I can share "OK, I am SUPER uncomfortable and anxious right now about this conversation" - and then they know and can acknowledge it, and then it feels less overwhelming for me to hold that emotion in.

 

[Bristol]

Just a quiet observer i havent told my husband anything yet so just wishing you luck but you seem well prepared so i really hope it goes well

 

[Gs172003]

I texted it to mine. I didn't give details cause well..I don't have them. I for some reason just assumed I had already told him but apparently never did. Something about telling him has been freeing but it hasn't made me feel closer to him. It has taken him off my hit list as far as that goes. I can now seperate him from the one that did it.

 

[Gs172003]

I need to say that I have been married over ten years and just told him about a month ago.

 

[Cannottakethis]

My husband has always known that I have trauma and the bare bones of what has happened to me. I don't feel comfortable giving details and he doesn't want them as most of my abuse was sexual, and we both feel it will interfere with our sex life. It works for us.