Sexual Assault Disgusted

[fourteen]

I had broken up with my bf of a few years. Actually, he broke up with me. It had been a destructive relationship anyway but that's another story.

So I was drinking a lot the day he broke up with me. Then I met some friends and we went to the pub.. so this person talks to us and says he will come with us to the other place. We go there for a bit then we want to head home and carry on drinking. He invited himself-kinda, and it wouldnt have been so bad, we know him cos he's a regular at the pub.

Except that night I woke up and my jeans were off and his hands were in my pants. I didnt do anything, and I hate myself for that. I feel disgusting and embarrassed. I don't mean to be an ageist but he was alot older than me. The sickest part is that I didn't know it was him first. My back was turned, and I honestly thought it was someone else. And then I looked at him and I was shocked and almost scared. I dont even know who I thought it would be. I don't feel like I was thinking at all then. I feel really stupid.

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Fourteen, and welcome to the forum.

You have done a great job, by sharing what happened to you. I'm sorry you have been through this, but I'm also glad that you found us. I hope you find this forum helpful and healing.

Welcome :wave:

 

[fairydust]

Often when you have been drinking / sleeping and are woken by sexual touching it takes some time to have any reaction or realise what is happening. You are not stupid or disgusting for reacting the way that you did to someone touching you without your consent. :mad:

Welcome to the forum :wave:

 

[nakacg]

Hi,
I just joined this site and I recently had something similar happen to me. Except it was one of my good friends(I just typed up my story in the forum)....I was drunk and asleep as well. And I didn't do anything. I feel the same way you do. I didn't do anything. In fact, I thought it felt good. Until I realized why it felt good and who was touching me and what was happening. But by that time, it seemed too late...
I feel/felt stupid as well.
It really helps to know that I am not the only one who feels this way and has gone through something similar. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Kay]

Like you guys, I was once assaulted while drunk and on the verge of passing out/was three quarters-asleep. It's a terrible feeling, and no one - except those who have gone through it themselves - really understands that no, you didn't want it. It takes a while to really wake up and figure out what's going on, especially when you've got a lot of alcohol in your system. Once I literally thought I was with someone else; it turned out I was dreaming/remembering a past experience which was triggered cos some guy decided to take advantage of a drunk, half-asleep girl.

Everyone else at the party thought it was funny I was so drunk I "hooked up" with this guy. I felt so ashamed and stupid I never told anyone what really happened.

As horrible as it is, it's almost a relief to know I wasn't the only one to go through something like this.

 

[nakacg]

:) agreed. I know it was/is horrible, but it sure does make me feel better to know that someone else feels the same way!
It's so easy to tell myself that "I MUST be making a big deal out of this" or "Is it really as bad as I think?" just because other people didn't think it was a big deal. But it is a big deal, and it did hurt. and I did NOT want it.
This website has been so helpful.

 

[Mercy]

All those stupid, :eek:selfish, :insane:idiot rapists,:devil: all of the men and teens:stomp: who 'take advantage':no: of women and girls must think that we are just receptacles of some soft warm kind:banghead: and if they think about it at all, that we won't remember. :mad: They have no clue how much damage they do!:thinking: