Dissociation And Flashbacks During Sex

[hymnless]

Hey y'all

I'm new here so I'm unsure how to navigate the forums properly...

Recently I started EMDR and it's been... awful. On top of the sessions being excruciating, I feel like my symptoms and triggers have become a total moving target.

Nearly every time my wife and I have sex it ends with either me sobbing or completely dissociated. If I orgasm, in the moment I have very intense flashbacks to being raped. It seems like these issues have gotten worse with the EMDR.

Anyone else had something like this happen?

Thanks!

 

[whiteraven]

I've never done EMDR, but I used to dissociate during sex all the time. My dissociation was a kind of floaty sort of feeling I would get and I would be completely numb to whatever was going on. No pleasure (or anything, actually) at all. I used to have flashbacks during oral sex (my primary abuse) and always ended in deep sobbing.

 

[Sunshineturtle]

Ok... YES, I have to both... I have done EMDR, and have dissociated during sex. So, my therapist is super available in that I can reach her any day, at reasonable times... if yours is, call her/him ... if not, have you talked about your "box?" Creating a safety box or your safe place? Putting the memory in there until the next session? Next... you may have to hold off on the sex for a bit. Maybe have a family session with your wife (i think you said wife) and explain with therapist help that therapeutically, it's necessary and has nothing to do with how you feel about her..EMDR can bring back or to the forefront the memories that have been waiting for us...funny enough, the book that is your icon is amazing. My therapist had me read it. Explains why EMDR works... what our brain does. It's hard work, but you are strong. You can do this. Stay safe.

 

[hymnless]

I've never done EMDR, but I used to dissociate during sex all the time. My dissociation was a kind o...

Thanks! Yeah even before I started EMDR this was an issue, it's just way more intense now. I've struggled a lot with body memories in general but now it's like one minute I'm there, the next minute I'm disoriented and crying. Trauma creates such an odd existence at times...

Ok... YES, I have to both... I have done EMDR, and have dissociated during sex. So, my therapist...

I'm in a really weird therapist situation right now. My regular therapist referred me to a trauma specialist who does EMDR, though I've kept seeing my regular therapist (who is now on medical leave for a month) and I trust her completely. She is always very available, just not right now due to the extenuating circumstances. I've only been seeing the EMDR therapist for a few months and for me that's just not enough time to start feeling comfortable to reach out between sessions. The box thing is something we talk about a lot. I have a really hard time getting things back in the box once they've crept out into my everyday life.

I'm really fortunate that my wife is super understanding and doesn't pressure me at all. It's more that I want to feel... normal?

 

[Sunshineturtle]

I get it.. but reach out... yry really hard to get the box working;it'sa life saver. As for normal, I've learned this IS YOUR normal, and that's ok, because, in the scheme of things, what is normal anyway? It could be much worse... stay strong.

 

[Leighlee87]

Yes, I had this. I've gone through phases of having to take emdr breaks because life on the outside was impossible to function through with all the added triggers and intensity of flashbacks. So that might be option one, take a short emdr break and work on building coping skills or just get that time to catch your breath. Other idea, maybe see if your partner would be willing to take a break from the sex for awhile? I know if I were in those shoes, I would rather take a break than to see my partner so emotionally upset. Take that time to watch a movie together, go for a walk, out to eat, or something else that doesn't involve sex. Sometimes just having that quality time together means the world. EMDR only lasts so long, and the benefits are huge in the end. It's a small price to pay for a huge return. Best of luck with everything, hopefully it all starts getting easier soon.

 

[hymnless]

Yes, I had this. I've gone through phases of having to take emdr breaks because life on the outside...

Yeah I think an EMDR break might be on the horizon. I'd worked really hard to build up healthy coping skills, but I've started to backslide into some not so great ones... I'm trying to figure out now if I take a break from EMDR, do I keep seeing the trauma therapist? Or do I see my primary therapist until I'm in a more stable place?

I'm really fortunate that my wife is totally fine with taking a step back from intimacy if I need to. The problem is that I'd rather continue on and pretend everything is fine. (Clearly that's working out great for me )

 

[Leighlee87]

@BookerNoe I would ask your trauma specialist next session and ask her how it would work. If you are requesting a break from emdr so that you can use those sessions to build and practice coping skills, she might have you do that with her. My therapist is a trauma specialist and does emdr, so I don't have the back and forth that you have, so I'm not 100% sure.
I know some of the skills we have worked on in session, I think would work best with a trauma specialist especially if those skills are to specifically combat ptsd type symptoms (flashbacks, dissociation, etc.) BUT that also depends on how well versed your general therapist is on those things too.

 

[Sunshineturtle]

Honestly, pretending only gets you so far and cheats your partner. Take care of you no matter what you decide.

 

[BlueOrange]

Both of your therapists need to know about the difficulties you are having. EMDR breaks down the barriers in your mind. It's normal to discover that the barrier was there because the stuff on the other side is really difficult. Breaking down the barriers further without improving your ability to handle what you've already got is unlikely to help your recovery. Both of your therapists should be able to help with handling the stuff.

 

[hymnless]

@Leighlee87 yeah we've decided to take a mini break from EMDR to work on some more grounding/resourcing stuff. I didn't expect it to be so incredibly overwhelming or to realize that there's a lot more trauma in there than what I've remembered. EMDR has brought a whole lot to the surface and I need to try to come to terms with that a little before I even try to process it.

@BlueOrange I've finally made both of them aware and that's helping a lot. Everything feels a little more productive right now, even when I'm totally drained from therapy

 

[BlueOrange]

I was really surprised by the impact that wiggling my eyes had, it incapacitated me at first. Well worth it in the end though. Glad you're taking care of yourself :)