DID Dissociative identity disorder confirmed

[BlueOrange]

I'm so afraid of the pain.

Yep, that's where I've been for most of the last year. Now, I'm experiencing a lot of pain. The downside of experiencing all that pain is that I'm not able to do as much at the moment. The upside is that I don't feel forced to do things that I regret before, during, and after I do them. I'm making better decisions, and the pain is gradually getting more manageable.

I'm shaken right now because I don't think I have this sense at all.

I didn't develop that sense until I'd had the diagnosis for a few months. Most of the work that I'm doing now (a year later) is to reinforce that sense.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

I am always here to answer questions if I can.

Thank you, @whiteraven. I'm not sure what questions I have beyond my general despair and panic, but I'm sure that some will come eventually.

The downside of experiencing all that pain is that I'm not able to do as much at the moment. T

I'm so afraid of this, as there just isn't a lot of room in my life right now for things to go wrong without dire consequences.

I'm also really sorry that I just keep lamenting over what this all means. I don't mean to be whining or obnoxious, I just feel so alone and don't know who to talk to or connect with about any of this.

 

[Sandstone]

I'm also really sorry that I just keep lamenting over what this all means

Don't be. From what I can see, this tumult around diagnosis is normal for this condition.

 

[BlueOrange]

I'm so afraid of this, as there just isn't a lot of room in my life right now for things to go wrong without dire consequences.

Make sure you talk to your therapist about this. I can survive being out of action, because my situation is very good. When my situation wasn't so good, we took things a lot slower.

And it reassures me when I try to reassure you. I tell you the things I need to hear.

 

[whiteraven]

What I discovered, after many years with many chronic diagnoses and going through many different types of treatments, is that illness and trauma do indeed change our perception of who we are, but that is different from changing our core being. It's taken me a very long time to understand this, and it has been one of the most beneficial things in my healing journey. So I do understand how and why one feels different, and I'm sorry if I sounded dismissive of that worry.

@theshadowoftheliving please don't be sorry for your talking or worrying or needing help with any of this. it is a big change for you. the unknown is so scary, and this diagnosis often lends itself to an acceleration in memory recovery and a stirring up of things inside and all sorts of stuff that you aren't expecting. but...and i can attest to this...at the opposite end of all that can be a peaceful coexistence with your insiders and a full and busy life.

keeping you in my thoughts and wishing you warmth and peace. breathe and breathe some more.

 

[Keen]

@theshadowoftheliving how're you doing? Has the fear and pain subsided any? I'm now in your shoes, just a few months behind you.
Remember, a diagnosis may describe you, but it doesn't define you. We are all so much more than our diagnosis. We are mothers, fathers, siblings, friends, coworkers, volunteers, bikers, runners, foodies, techies, adventurers, etc.
Also, if you made it through the hell that caused your PTSD and DID, you can make it through anything, including the recovery process. I believe in you!
I hope you're feeling better.
Sending love your way

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@Kassie thanks for yor kind words.

We have good days and we have bad days. Today is a bad day. But yesterday was a good day. It goes back and forth. I'm still scared about the diagnosis, but also confused because I feel even more fragmented and confused than before. I feel like I don't know who I am or what I'm working towards any more.

I'm sorry you have to go through this too. It's lonely, at least for me, and I hope you aren't as lonely as I am.

I want to offer you Kind and encouraging words but I just feel so broken and useless right now, so miserable and off. There's been so much switching and my head hurts so badly.

 

[Keen]

@theshadowoftheliving , thanks for touching base again, I can relate to the going back and forth between bad days and good days, and the feeling of being even more fragmented and confused than before. I'm not glad you are going through it too, but it helps to know that normal and I'm not the only one, know what I mean?
I hope for some more good days for you soon.
When you're struggling, reach out here or wherever you can, you don't have to be alone and people care about you and want to help.