Do Men "need" Sex, If So, Why?

[Deleted member 33052]

I am happyhat.

The conclusions I've drawn about myself however, are depressing. I'm probabl...

Maybe you haven't been with the right partner. Some are....uninspiring.

 

[anonymous]

No, it's not then, it's me. I'm trying to come to terms with it, I just feel cheated. It's my own fault for wondering when deep down I know that's it. I have no interest.

 

[sedna]

Maybe you haven't been with the right partner. Some are....uninspiring.

I second that opinion. It's a real game changer when you accidentally discover someone inspirational and realize what you were missing.

 

[sedna]

No, it's not then, it's me. I'm trying to come to terms with it, I just feel cheated. It's my own fau...

Anon, there is such a thing as chemistry and its important. If there's no spark, then its beating a dead horse no matter what you do. Unless the other person is willing to go to a lot of trouble to create that spark for you. If they love you, then they should.

 

[mamachick]

I think the OP is expressing that she currently does not care about having sex and may seem like a chore at the moment. Please correct me if I am wrong.

It is my opinion that at certain points of ptsd, it can be painful if not impossible to find that desire, even if you care about that person deeply.

Also, one can be with the wrong person, or the one that does nothing for you for several reason. I can tell you that years ago, when a woman said she had no interest, I felt bad for her. Well when ptsd and menopause come together, and relationships are far from perfect, I understand better. I do think it is the dynamics in my arrangement that prevent me from opening up to sex, and that is ok. I have other priorities, such as wanting to be alive.

 

[Mit]

No, it's not then, it's me. I'm trying to come to terms with it, I just feel cheated. It's my own fault for wondering when deep down I know that's it. I have no interest.

I'm sorry you feel that way about yourself and I don't think you should. Not everybody wants or enjoys sex. We are all unique.

I don't know how my libido compares to the 'average' but I don't particularly enjoy intercourse. It makes me feel self conscious, embarrassed, ashamed, pathetic, anxious. I assume I'm like this because of childhood trauma, but who knows, I might have been like it anyway. Intercourse has always been a nightmare for me, and yet somehow I'm a dad of two (nobody is more surprised about that than I)!

Not having a strong libido doesn't define you, whatever makes you happy is what matters (IMO).

 

[scout86]

There are a lot of things that might be factors in how you feel about sex. A bunch of them have been mentioned. If the reason you don't enjoy sex is that you've learned to associate it was "bad" things, of any sort, you can learn to see it differently. It might take effort and help and an understanding and compassionate partner, but people can keep changing and learning right up until they die. Don't assume you're stuck with things like they are if you don't want to be.

 

[Cattrah]

SEX: I see high libido vs low libido. Compromise. Love. Intimacy. Gifts we give. Self pleas...

I am with you on this, it takes a pretty self-less person in general, who enjoys giving as much as receiving in the aspect of love making. I definitely will not settle for anyone or anything less than being able to lay next to my man afterwards and if I am still horny pleasure myself. I have definitely been with men who weren't bruised in engo by this, and in some cases were turned on by such, and enjoyed seeing me get off. So This type of thing is pretty great in a relationship. And it went the other way, there were times where I very much enjoyed doing just what he wanted only. :) Since the end of that relationship, I desire no other because I cannot see how one could get better. I am content to have loved and lost such magnifiance. And with PTSD it takes me so much longer to trust, and having had the chance to do that so completely leaves me feeling satisified with relationships in my life. I am happy to be alone now. All life is ebb and flow. Same with libido and wanting sex or not.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Companionship and intimacy are fundamental human needs. Sexual intercourse isn't.

We would die out as a species.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

@Ayesha. You're right. That's why we're designed to enjoy it. But intercourse isn't considered to be a need. Think of a wolf pack, where only the alpha wolf is permitted to mate. The others contribute by hunting for the pack or guarding the cubs. The only chance they will have to mate is to leave the pack or fight for the right to.

We aren't wolves, I know, but that may factor in to why intercourse isn't considered a human need.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I am with you on this, it takes a pretty self-less person in general, who enjoys giving as much as rece...

My PTSD and my experience did encourage me to be drawn to controlling men but I was controlling too. It leads towards unhealthy behaviors and wasting time . Life is for learning who we are. I will spend time without sex in the equation. I owe myself that time. It was over too soon. Besides I don't have the f*cking energy. Pun intended. I want simple.

I still don't think I should have to use my body for another's pleasure, knowing reciprocation is highly, unlikely. Why? Why should I allow my body be responsible be for my partners enjoyment and responsible for my own too? f*ck that. I am not bitter. I am learning to value myself. I need to learn not to compromise my values.

Men don't have to have a minimum quota of orgasms per week. They may be a little addicted to taking because they can and man's entitlement to have someone responsible for their needs is as old as time.

To me there is something wrong with the picture. It doesn't, as a norm, work the other way.

A perception shift.

f*ck a duck an shittin' feathers....

 

[katz]

CSA-----

Which primed us to believe that we are -----only----- good for sex.

That belief led u...

Thanks for saying that! I had never thought of it that way! How true - for me too.