Do You Ever Question...

[J_trustno1]

your achievements, your abilities, your purpose, your existence or that strange feeling of what's the difference between my achievements and others?

(Before I begin, I just wanted to inform the mods that I have no idea where to put this thread so I decided to write in social).

I feel confused about my existence. I am not saying I am thinking about ending my life or anything but feeling like a confused soul stuck in this world traffic and this rat race. There is no doubt that I have worked hard to achieve my qualifications and I'm sure there are other people out there who maybe even better than I am. Now that I look at it, I feel I am just no different. I never felt I was superior than others but I felt inferior all my life. I see other students gaining first class honors and so have I. But I don't feel important or feel I have done something great in life.

I know that a person's worth does not come from their qualification, social status, marital status or other material things. I am sitting here questioning what is my life about? Why do I exist? I mean it certainly can't be all about those university grades or having a high paid salary but then what is my soul purpose on this earth?

 

[Lionheart]

what is my soul purpose on this earth?

Just a thought, but perhaps the better question to ask is "what meaning will you bring to your life"?

 

[J_trustno1]

@Lionheart777 : this is a different way to think about it. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

I also wonder if I need to disregard my achievements like I always have done in the past? I have always felt nothing but inferior. I was never happy with myself or my achievements because I felt I haven't done some form rocket science to be proud of myself or saved the world to actually admire my achievements.

 

[mrsps]

what is my life about? Why do I exist?

Yip I think about this often. And I know it is up to us as an individual to make our life what it is, but when you are totally lost this is hard to achieve :(

 

[J_trustno1]

@mrsps : I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I hate it how we have to question our worth. It's just unfair not only for us but anyone who feels this way. No one should feel this way. :hug:s

 

[:-)]

To some, school/work achievements mean nothing. I've personally achieved much in terms of academia, but it never means anything much to me. Maybe you need to look elsewhere for something that gives your life meaning. Maybe its in showing love and caring toward others. Maybe its in doing good, in any way that you can, no matter how small. I wouldn't say you're deficient necessarily for finding little meaning in academic and professional accomplishments.

Maybe this will give some perspective.... "I wish I worked more" said no one ever on their death bed.

 

[MysticRose]

This sounds so familiar. I have those moments where I feel completely fine and I don't question myself, my existence and what I'm meant to be doing on this earth, but over the past 10 years I've experienced that those moments seem to appear not as often as before.
Next to that wondering and wandering, it makes you feel so worthless if you keep on thinking about these things too much. Because there's never a proper answer.

I think you can never feel better or satisfied about things you have achieved and degrees you have, if you put yourself down or if you take what you do for granted. I for myself do "the things in life" simply because I have to. So why should that be anything special - even if others think it is- ?

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Yeah I've been struggling with this too for a long time now. You have to try to find things that make you truly happy. Live from your higher self instead of your lower self. Do what makes your soul feel amazing :) :hug:

I haven't found it for myself yet... (getting a b.a. Didn't do it for me)

 

[illusionist]

Seek fulfilment rather than achievement......it changed me.

 

[Chava]

Achievements are like short little highs, and sometimes useful stepping stones to a career worth loving, but no, they don't some how tally up to make my life meaningful. I found something to love. That's what did it. Then when chronic injury and pain f*cked up my ability to just do what I love, then I started feeling all the meaninglessness again. The achievements never mattered. I had just found something where I felt connected and real. Easier said than done perhaps, but we all find that in really different ways (and would describe it with different words). Basically I need something to love.

 

[Ronin]

Yep, about every day.

Figures as long as I'm useful to someone, in something, & not wrecking lives collaterally, I'm just good to go.

 

[J_trustno1]

Thank you guys. I really appreciated your answers and your words have given me insight to my own thinking patterns. When I was a university student, my only purpose was to prove my perpetrators wrong hence getting Degrees was a mission to show them that "I was NOT dumb". However, in that proving wrong process I lost my inner peace, I was NEVER happy with what I achieved because it never fulfilled me. This whole thing made me zombie without a purpose.

Now that I come to think of it, I actually loved studying since I was a little kid. I topped school when I was in primary, then intermediate, secondary. It was who I was and my purpose in childhood was to "LEARN" and "know" as much as I could because that is what made me happy but I lost that fulfillment trying to fight against assholes.

My inner intuition is telling me to study more and learn more because that is my purpose. That's the only voice I hear from within.
There is no guilt, there is nothing called competition or comparison with other people but an inner drive, a drive to strive for the best of myself.

Apart from learning, I just can't have enough of the nature. I admire nature, animals and being part of the universe as a whole. I NEVER wanted to be rich even when I was a kid. I saw things differently than my family did. My values, principals and morals are higher and I believe in being honest and kind. I just want to learn and be part of the nature. Going to the library makes me happy, smell of books (NOTE: I do NOT have sexual admiration for objects), being with animals, being in trees, at the beach and even eating healthy food makes me happy. I don't need too many possessions to be happy. I'm just happy when I get to meet someone I can have a good conversation with and learn something from them. That's all I am for.