Do You Ever View Your T As A Kind Of Parent?

[CiaraL]

And is this a healthy thing to feel?
I am 20 and I guess my therapist is almost like everything my parents aren't.
He's consistent, punctual, listens to me, respects me, doesn't criticise me, doesn't judge me
And I guess he's old enough that he could be my dad.
I'm not saying Id like to be legally adopted as my therapist but I will say that there have been many times when I have viewed him as a parent I never had and wish I could see him more than I do.
Do many of you share this feeling of paternal attachment and is it a bad thing?

 

[HëllaBubz]

Yes, my psychiatrist is the mother and father I should have had.

I enjoy the relationship I have with her, but I know I need to maintain the appropriate relationship boundaries with her too.

She gives free rein but also will gently enforce boundaries when needed, fortunately I've never had to experience that.

 

[Chosen]

yup, my T has been like a dad to me at times. it's been good, but also incredibly painful to realize at times that he'll never be my dad.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm old enough to be my therapists mother. I keep firm boundaries with doctors and therapists. Wishing they were your family is too loosely-goosey for me. I was 50 when I started therapy. So I guess I don't have a young woman's perspective. I've read that it is not unusual to feel the way you do, especially wanting to replace your dysfunctional parents. The goal of therapy is partly to stand on your own two feet and forge healthy relationships with the tools you learn in therapy.
If you really like your therapist I think you should consider letting him know what you are experiencing. So that it doesn't intefere with your healing.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Oh that is hard. I grew up wishing I had a big brother to protect me, so in some ways I guess I look at my psychologist as that, someone who I look for advise and help, but I must be able to decide myself and stand on my own 2 feet.

Sometimes I feel like that little girl and I desperately wanted a Dad, and I did have one but he was so lacking so thinking of my psychologist as that kind of figure feels completey wrong.

Having said that, I know at some point that the relationship will end with him so thinking of him in any way like that is wrong and it is about what I longed for as a child and losing that will be very painful. But then you are explaining all this stuff to him that is so personal how can you not form some sort of attachment?

But then my whole experience of family and friends and partner is so mixed up how would I know how to relate to anyone really? Which is terribly sad and why I am here I guess.

I don't like the idea of a female psychologist younger or older, as that would trigger me to my mother.

 

[Hope4Now]

From what I gather it's actually a good thing because it means you have attached. But it's hard to feel that way because, as others have said, you need to stand on your own feet eventually and keep the boundaries. But as you're healing, a therapist can help you grow strong and confident in yourself the way a good parent would have.

I don't know how I see mine. Quasi big brother, quasi friend, key support system, guru, sounding board, kind listener, etc....mostly I just appreciate him deeply for the person he is and for how much he is helping me learn to trust and accept myself.

 

[The Albatross]

My shrink was viewed by me as a peer and we had our home town in common. It just helped me to view it that way. I wasn't looking for an attachment, I was looking for progress and approached therapy that way. My therapist was though my own age.

 

[Ladyghosthunter]

Sadly, I think that all therapists are full of sh&t and that's no lie. You cannot have the issue or pain taken away and dealing with it is bringing the pain up all over again. By reliving the pain, some people thinks that it helps but it cannot ERASE what happened unless you have amnesia. There are times I really wish I had it...

 

[HëllaBubz]

You cannot have the issue or pain taken away and dealing with it is bringing the pain up all over again. By reliving the pain, some people thinks that it helps but it cannot ERASE what happened unless you have amnesia.

My psychiatrist has taught me how to regulate myself so that I can teach myself to feel safe even while I'm bringing up old bad memories.

Slow work, but it stands for itself.
I'm sorry your have so many bad experiences with Ts, I hope you can find someone eventually. Xx