Poll Do You Find It Difficult To Talk About How You Feel?

[Gamereign555]

I would have answered 'sometimes' but there wasn't an option. I have gotten pretty good at talking about myself, and being comfortable with my surroundings and interactions. The thing is, if someone catches me while I am dissociating, then yes I will have a hard time answering questions and making decisions.

 

[ClairBear226]

Because I don't like to come across as needy or weak. It bothers the hell out of me. I prefer to be the one that's doing the listening, that other people talk to when they need to. Being the one to do the talking is putting yourself up for possible ridicule and condemnation. I'd rather have a root canal.

 

[jo may]

I find it really difficult to open up and talk. I find it hard to find the right words for what I want to say and to put over how I'm feeling. I have spent so long bottling up how I feel that I now just tend to say I'm fine even if I'm not.

 

[AngelaMarie]

I am absolutely freaking terrified of telling people how I feel. I believe it comes from being taught as a child that I had no right to have feelings. I needed to shut up and disappear. When I share my feelings I get extremely scared and wait for someone to laugh at me, make fun of me, or tell me how stupid I am.:(:cry:

 

[ClairBear226]

"Shut up, or I'll give you something to cry FOR!"

Ever hear that one? It's exactly what lurks in the back of my head any time the urge is there to cry or to talk about how I feel. Words of my father, permanently branded into my head. It's taken an enormous leap of faith to begin talking about what I feel, because until recently, I was still in "censor" mode. I would only talk about the feelings my father would have found acceptable. Which.... um...ain't a whole heck of a lot.

 

[AngelaMarie]

You know what they are really saying?!
You are worth nothing, so disappear and don't bother me.

 

[TSG]

I don't because I know that they could never possibly understand so there is no point.

 

[Zef]

What is this feeling thing you are talking about? :)

 

[ericaboo]

Feelings were reserved for people with legitimate feelings. My feelings? Completely irrelevent, inappropriate, inconvenient to others... don't you have some little neighbor friends you can go play with? Run along...

 

[Venusian]

It's ironic that this topic has come up in group recently and I've been struggling with this on my own for months. I voted that I don't understand how I feel.

My first memory is the trauma, I was so scared, confused and in so much pain when I went home and I was dismissed, everything I tried to say was minimized. What I thought I was feeling ...I couldn't be feeling, what I thought was so bad couldn't have been bad because no one noticed. Refusing to go back to kindergarten was something to joke about. I couldn't be terrified about it because my parents laughed about it with their friends. How could I be so wrong?

 

[712xx]

I can understand the fears of people here so well.

I have many different feelings at the same time (each feeling as a different inner voice), and I see things from different angles -- conflicting each other. It is hard for the listener, especially because I have a lot to say. An added problem is I have a stutter/hessitating speech issue, and have those conflicting voices in my head dictating to my outer voice what to say -- not in an orderly fashion, lol.

I get impatient with myself and the listener will try to finish my sentences for me to help, which doesn't. I've tried organizing the voices in my head to give intel one at a time, but so far haven't had any success. Writing and drawing are the only efficient ways for me to communicate, but haven't had a therapist that likes reading the details. I don't have access to highly trained people, nor the funds to pay for it. So, must make due with what is available.

Finding my own way around things has so far been the best therapy. I'm just the kind of person that needs to exercise the creative and resourceful parts of my brain. Having inadequately trained people to talk to pushed me into having to exercise these aspects or face failure. It is a lot like being thrown into the deep end -- sink or swim.

Maybe a more positive example is the newly hatched butterfly story. A butterfly that gets help in tearing out of the cocoon has poorly developed wings, because it is the flexing of the wings itself and the struggle to get out that pushes the blood into the wings and allows them to unfold strong and firm.

 

[Jen93]

"Shut up, or I'll give you something to cry FOR!"

Ever hear that one? It's exactly what lurks in the back of my head any time the urge is there to cry or to talk about how I feel. It's taken an enormous leap of faith to begin talking about what I feel, because until recently, I was still in "censor" mode. I would only talk about the feelings my father would have found acceptable. Which.... um...ain't a whole heck of a lot.

Replace the words father with teachers and that's me in a nutshell. I don't feel like I'm ever saying the right thing; I'm always offending someone it seems; if I have feelings it's like I'm not supposed to have those feelings, and I better not get mad at anybody or hate anyone no matter what they do to me, 'cause that's wrong. I internalize and suppress a lot of my negative emotions, and they just pile up until it gets out of control. At night, that exact thought (("Shut up or I'll give you something to cry FOR!")) will pop into my head; and it's almost like I'm angry at myself for crying inside, even if nobody can hear me- I CAN- and it just seems unacceptable to me.

For me- during my trauma- a lot of things happened at the school where I was traumatized; a few people had eating disorders, a few people were bullied, a few people were depressed- as long as they kept up appearances that they were happy to be at the school and that nothing was wrong/ they were respectful and never said anything bad or did anything to offend the teachers, everything was okay. We were yelled at, the teachers scolded us, kids would say mean things and glare and nobody would stop it. Appearance was everything- and we learned to keep quiet, have fake plastered smiles and say "Good Morning Miss." and "Yes Miss." despite what we felt inside.

So yeah, not really very great at the present- but I'm still stuck in that mode and feel the need to "censor" so that I don't get into trouble and so I don't scare off anybody or hurt them.