Do You Go To A Certain Place When Dissociating?

[VDWngr1355]

Do you go to a certain place in your head when you dissociate?

When I dissociate during my sessions my T is always asking where I went or do I picture a certain place. I don't. I either feel like I am floating, numbing of limbs, or it is blank and I don't picture or see anything.

My T says a couple of his clients picture certain places that they feel safe and go to in their head when they dissociate.

So, what is the difference? Is there a reason why I don't see anything or picture anything?

 

[Sazza]

When I read this title I thought where do I go and the answer was I don't know as I dont go anywhere. Like you I just go blank and into a trance like stare and my legs go funny. It's a good question should we be somewhere or is it an individual thing. I am
Not aware of going anywhere but into myself and becoming totally unaware of my surroundings.

I do have moments where I drift into fantasy world of how I envisaged my life to be but this isn't when I'm in full blown dissociation it just when I'm more in dream land. Not sure this makes sense it's got me thinking.

 

[stuff]

I just zone out. I feel a little more locked inside myself and foggy and then totally blank, but I don't think I go anywhere inside my head. I've never told my therapist when I have dissociated in our sessions. Most people don't notice, I think. I often end up on the tail end of a conversation grasping at any tiny detail that will allow me to act like I have some idea what we have been discussing. It's the most awful feeling, like I was suddenly robbed of the present.

 

[Rob_Dog19]

I just get that feeling where you're outside of your body and watching yourself from above. It starts with my limbs going numb then I lose control over my body and then....nothing I guess. But I don't go anywhere special

 

[LawPhotos]

I also don't go "anywhere". In fact, as I've described to my T, the sense that I totally lose when I dissociate is vision. When I think back to times when I've dissociated there is absolutely no visual component, as if I go blind during it. Most of my flashbacks also have no, or very little visual component, which I guess would make sense in light of how I dissociate--must've done the same back then.

If I have any awareness that it is happening at all (most often I just simply lose time and memory and have no idea that I was dissociating or for how long), then either I just go kind of totally emotionally numb, feel out of it and my body gets very quiet or, in the big, bad ones, I feel as though my brain is sucked away in a vortex inside my head and I lose the sense that I have vision, appear non-responsive and staring at the same spot to others. I am mostly motionless but will sometimes follow directions, sometimes not. I feel totally locked inside my head, foggy and very distant and can't will myself to move or respond. Like an involuntary trance.

 

[VDWngr1355]

Thanks for the responses. I am glad I am not the only one not going any where while dissociating and have no control over it.

@Stuff-- I never told my T that I was dissociating either. He picked up at it and then I denied it for a while because it scared me.

 

[Saphy]

the sense that I totally lose when I dissociate is vision... Like an involuntary trance.

100% with you on that one. Actually when I'm dissociating, whether I close my eyes or open them... I still feel lke I'm not in my body. I honestly feel like I'm just numb. Almost like time has stopped and I'm frozen. But there's been times when I just don't recognize anything around me when I'm dissociating or coming back from it. That's always the most dangerous. What's the weirdest thing though is that when I dissociate I don't have a panic or anxiety attack when I return from it. I'm just calm. Like I've accepted it because that's all I can do. Really is a deep dark feeling and extremely difficult to explain. I just know it's happened when I look up at the clock and it's already 7:45am and I still feel like it's 10pm.

Not sure if you guys have felt this way too? But recently, I feel like I'm in a constant state of dissociation. I know that because normally I can find a way to express myself through singing, painting, writing, etc. But recently none of that is dragging me back from the empty feelings. It feels different from depression and extremely similar to a constant flux of overlapping dissociation events which I can't seem to split into discernible individual occurrences.
If you have felt this way like you've had an overextended dissociation, what has helped you get some temporary relief? It's definitely very emotionally and physically draining.

 

[Saphy]

My T says a couple of his clients picture certain places that they feel safe and go to in their head when they dissociate. So, what is the difference? Is there a reason why I don't see anything or picture anything?

My guess is maybe since we all seem to be feeling this way that we don't associate our dissociation with safety but just a temporary retreat. We find our safety in darkness/blankness rather than a certain place since when we first felt traumatized we couldn't find a place to rest our fears. I remember I once went to a hypnotist to help me find a "happy place" but honestly it doesn't have the same calming effect as that distant, numb, unknown and dark place I go to when I dissociate. It isn't a scary place like reality might seem, but it's definitely a place that we control and nothing will pop out at us surprisingly. In that sense, I think it's safe and reassuring.

 

[maddog]

Sometimes I wonder whether we in fact all talk about something slightly different when we talk about dissociating. I know there are recognized definitions etc, but honestly, I think that the way this concept manifests is very very different for different people. What I think of as dissociating is usually that out of body, observing my world from an external place, kind of feeling, as though I am a 3rd party to my life without any ability to control or influence it or even to really interact with the person who is me or the world and people around her. Sometimes it's a calm, surreal feeling, and sometimes a painful isolated sort of feeling, as though I'm trying to shout out to myself and to the world and nobody can hear me.

I was interested in your account of what happens to you LawPhotos, because what you described sounds very similar to something I've started experiencing only recently, as in the past few weeks. I have struggled hard to describe it to T, or even to understand it in my head, and have come up with something like a slow motion, numbed, muted, internalised panic attack, during whichI feel overwhelming emotions of frozen terrified despair, but somehow in a form that creates an intense almost paralysis, both physical and mental. I'm faintly aware of what's going on and just aware enough of my plight to be even more distressed by it, yet have sat for up to half an hour, a couple of times in a very public place, completely unabel to go anywhere or do anything. I doubt I'd have been able to communicate if anyone had happened to speak to or attempt to interact with me. It feels like the end of the world, like impending doom on a scale I don't know how to describe. It's utterly, totally, terrifying, not something I am even close to getting used to yet.

Funny where our minds take us when they just can't cope with the real world anymore.

Maddog

 

[Sazza]

Maddog you may be right in us all talking about something slightly different. I found it hard to explain what dissociation was to me as there are different levels of it. I defintely relate to what you say though with regards to viewing the world from an external place that is so true. When it happens i look around and feel no connecting with anyone, yes they are there but i am on differnet planet unable to reach or relate as its like i am outside of my body.

Sometimes i am aware of it and know i am in that disscoaitive zone and can still function to certain extent but am not fully aware of things around me. Weeks ago i was walking and zoning out and next thing a car was beeping at me i was totally unaware of my surroundings. A couple of months ago i was in an appointment and being fired lots questions about my state of mind some of which were too close to answer, i apparantly went away somewhere according to the professional. I on that occassion did not have an idea that i had shut down and gone into a different level of dissociation. I guess i am learning there are different levels for me, sure this is true for most, sometimes i know its happening and others may notice, other times i know but others may not notice and on occasssions i am unaware and at point where i can't even talk which makes it hard as people can't help if they don't know. The latter is what happened to me earlier in the week my distress levels got so high waiting in A&E that i began to zone out, everything became surreal and movie like. I was losing connection and had to leave before being seen as otherwise when i got round to being seen i would of been in mute mode somewhere else. After leaving the department i don't recall anything about the journey home i felt totally drained and my legs were like mush.

 

[Saphy]

Weeks ago i was walking and zoning out and next thing a car was beeping at me i was totally unaware of my surroundings. ...my distress levels got so high waiting in A&E that i began to zone out, everything became surreal and movie like. I was losing connection and had to leave before being seen as otherwise when i got round to being seen i would of been in mute mode somewhere else. After leaving the department i don't recall anything about the journey home i felt totally drained and my legs were like mush.

Yeah this has happened to me too. Thanks for putting it into words. It can become really dangerous especially on the street. Be careful though. One time I had dissociated and a subway train was honking at me since I was too close to the tracks... I fainted because the sounds scared me out of my dissociation. Be really careful in potentially dangerous situations because dissociation can happen so quickly that it's often hard to notice until after.

I think the only tip I can give is to try and walk away to somewhere safe and private. For example on a street, just take steps back to a park bench. In the mall, take some steps out of the store or into a less busy section of the store. Being unresponsive is very hard for others to understand and I know that I get really embarrassed and guilty when it does happen/attract attention.

 

[jenlight]

"as there are different levels of it."

This is probably why it sounds like people are talking about different things. I can identify with every experience I read in this thread.

For me, the highest level of it, when I "leave my body" I lose my higher brain functions. I can't reason with myself. I don't actually have real thoughts. It's like animal instinct. I can't control my actions.
I think this is because feeling totally dissociated from my physical body causes a severe form of anxiety. I'm not sure.
But I remember it, mostly, when I "come back," and it's as if I wasn't there. Like I'm remembering a movie I watched.