Do You Have a Bucket List?

Tornadic Thoughts

MyPTSD Pro
Hmmm...good question.

I've never sat down to pen one, to be honest, but I did flip the phrase a couple years ago to help myself try to get over stuff that bugs me, rather than allowing it to keep gnawing at my nervous system.

I often say, "I'll just chuck it in the f*ck it bucket and move right along." lol It really does help. And man, what a big bucket. ?

The giggle it brings by just saying it, either out loud or just in my head space, helps to shift the gears in my overactive "what ifness" brain and redirects my a-tension.

I remember talking about bucket lists and naming off places I'd like to travel to in my younger days to escape the various hells I'd find myself in, and to simply try to fit in with others discussing it, but with my major chemical/fragrance sensitives and lifestyle choices for the health of it, along with the pain levels I deal with some days, traveling is no longer something I feel is a realistic or pleasurable goal.

I'm more of a home body, anyway. Surrounded by nature on all sides, but close enough to a town to grab necessities when needed. Basic needs met. Lovely scenery. When I venture out, it's like playing russian roulette with my health, so here I stay.

Staycations are something I always dreamed of, actually, especially while fighting to maintain my health while working f/t with lots of overtime in increasingly stressful circumstances, being a f/t stepmom to two, trying to care for my mom when she was still living, etc. I achingly longed for days I could just stay the hell home and not have to worry.

My juggling skills in caring for others before myself almost took me out more than once. To be loved genuinely, by both self and others, and be in a space safe and secure enough that I could lay my head down in, rest comfortably, and call home is all I dreamed of during most of my life. Sometimes it's hard to recognize that one is already living a dream once dreamed.

I used to also dream of material things, especially when I was homeless and such, thinking once I acquired them, my life would be all set. Pffffttt... Many of the things I felt I was missing out on back in the day were what I now call "foofy" items rather than functional. I'm all about low maintenance, inexpensive, sustainable, and useful nowadays.

I have many current aspirations like:
  • learn to preserve more nourishing foraged and homegrown goodies
  • learn more creative concoctions to make from the foraged and homegrown stuff
  • learn to grow edibles more efficiently, especially perennials, and learn to make my body hurt less while doing the above
  • learn to leak and squeak less on my Native American flute
  • learn more tricks with my hula hoops
  • learn more fun and creative ways to share what I've learned with others
  • learn to propagate more plants and figure out how to successfully ship them
  • learn to save more seeds of what we grow and that I discover already growing
  • learn the best ways to more widely share seeds and starts in my local community other than w/ folks I already know
  • re-learn how to be more kind to self so it can ripple out to others more often than I currently allow
  • continue learning how to lessen the load(s) I place upon my own shoulders
  • re-learn moderation when it comes to food stuff - even healthier options aren't healthy if one over-indulges on a consistent basis - dammit
Thanks for getting the ol' bucket wheels turning in my brain to remind myself of the things that can keep me looking forward to the tomorrows.
 

whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
I'm more of a home body, anyway.

I've become one as well. I got older (go figure) and I got cats. When they were younger, I felt ok leaving them with someone to check on and feed them. But they've been ill for over a year now, so I have no interest in leaving them.

learn to leak and squeak less on my Native American flute

Oh, I should add that to mine! LOL

continue learning how to lessen the load(s) I place upon my own shoulders

This is so important. I tend not to think in terms of how I can change *me* but you remind me that I need to!

Thanks for getting the ol' bucket wheels turning in my brain to remind myself of the things that can keep me looking forward to the tomorrows.

:-) :-) :-)
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
I don't have a full-blown bucket list but I think about things from time to time.

One thing I think about a lot is that I want to sing in front of a large audience some day and not die. I don't care if I can do it with the missing teeth I have now or if I have to get some replacements ahead of time just to make it a little easier but I have been singing all my life and just once I'd like to get on a stage and not be so damned insecure that I cannot breath. I would prefer to do this without drugs or alcohol, as I did do it when I was a teenager with these things, already, but was never able to do it sober.
 

Friday

Moderator
One thing I think about a lot is that I want to sing in front of a large audience some day and not die.
Once upon a time I knew a lot of pro musicians... and even after playing to crowds of 100k, and every single possible definition of “making it”? They still puked in the green room (or back stage in the wings right before going on, or both) before a show, and sometimes after. It’s just something a lot of musicians do. Nobody -backstage, anyway- blinks. Because it’s just that normal. It DOES drive a lot of musicians to drink/use drugs, either to stop it or “excuse” it... but enough people have survived the party years and sobered up, or decided to skip the debauche entirely, that there are a LOT of receptacles in the usual places.

Stage Fright goes away for some, for others it doesn’t. They still play. They still love it. The playing out, that is. The anxiety puking and panic attacks? Not so much. The magic that happens on stage, though? Is worth it.
 

RussellSue

MyPTSD Pro
Stage Fright goes away for some

After spending high school trying to get over it, I spent two years at a community college in a stage voice class. The instructor made me stand behind and hold onto the piano because I would shake, get light-headed, lose my balance and so on. I guess if I could do that sober for two years, I could prop myself up, center stage for a night???

BTW, I don't need close to 100k. A couple hundred is large to me.

Thank you @Friday
 
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