Poll Do You Have a Critical Person Inside Your Head?

[just tina]

I have an Inner A**hole. I suspect it tries to undermine me. Always wondering if I just made a mistake or if this sinister part of me is punishing me and trying to make a fool of me. Am beginning to think it's just PTSD. But the IA berates me relentlessly for mistakes that are so typical, I don't understand why it hasn't gotten bored with the scoldings.

 

[Grama-Herc]

I voted "Yes" I call mine "my little voice" Kind of like a little "thing" sitting on my shoulder and whispering shit in my ear. My little voice tells me the same shit my dad use to tell me. The biggest thing is how stupid I am. That is the one that gets to me every time. My little voice is a very cruel, insensitive, abusive creature that torments me constantly.

 

[upstream]

My little voice is a very cruel, insensitive, abusive creature that torments me constantly.

I used to have something like that... My dad used to tell me that I was way too hard on myself. Lately that voice has been more supportive, which is a needed change.

 

[baileysemt]

Yes, all the time... but she is not separate from me, nor does she have a name? She is me? A part of me, anyway.

And she is second-guessing me all the time, painting dismal outcomes and passing judgment on everything. Making things out to be much worse than they are, painting myself and others in the worst light.

And she never shuts up. Ugh!!!

Even though she is usually wrong, I believe her before I believe any rational, positive thought process. I even believe her more than I believe what my family says. She has to be disproven by reality, I can't just look at her claims and dismiss them. I have to see the disproof. Even though she has been proven wrong a zillion times, I still believe that she's the most accurate thing goin' on.

Everything I think, everything I do, everything I consider, everything I want, everything I feel......... she's always there, second-guessing, questioning, judging, propagating fear, judging, poking, sneering, criticizing.

The worse my PTSD and depression are, the louder and more believable she is.

Bailey

 

[Deleted member 541]

I voted sometimes. It depends on my mood and symptoms. Usually I just get pissed at myself and tell me to shut my pie hole.......

 

[TDurden1937]

I have a very unpleasant chap, dressed in old dark leather, hooded, wearing a short leather battle skirt like the Roman legions wore, bare chest with just a leather strap running cross from right shoulder to the belt on the left.
He uses a cat'o nine tails, or a whip on me.

Laggard, lazy bloody bastard, good for nothing . . .. whack goes the cat. Twenty lashes for you . . . no good slothful scum. Twenty more 'cause you can't take a little pain. You're a whining little devil aren't ya.

Twenty more for whining . . .

 

[sweetface]

Not unless triggered. I'm only triggered if I'm abandoned and the person who left promised me he wouldn't. Then he's a liar and show him his lack of integrity. That's when the bitch comes out and I'm good at it.

 

[healing007]

Yes I have a negative voice. Naming it has helped me identify that it is not the real me. I don't want that voice to rule my life anymore. The negative voice causes fear - then I start thinking I'm a failure and loser and on and on... what I've read so far rings true... I've practiced positive thoughts and writing down positive traits in myself that I admire in others. I also document how a power greater than myself is helping me. Seems to work.

 

[Thornyrose]

I voted yes. I wish there was a bigger yes, maybe in capital letters, or bold font or dayglo green or something, because I get these thoughts all the time which don't feel like they come from me, which berate me excessively for things that probably are not even that bad. But a tiny thing (like not having the right paper open during a meeting at work) will lead to thoughts of my being subhuman and deserving to be tortured and harmed. I get lots of problems with this horrible 'voice' and constantly feel as though everyone around me would automatically have the right to harm me or kill me, even that they SHOULD hurt or kill me, and I would absolutely not have a right to object. Sounds odd, feels nasty.

 

[Ace Ventura]

Oh, yes!

This is the second poll that I (carer) have commented in because it reminded me so much of my husband.

My husband's voice/other person is also the Sergeant (as came up earlier in this poll) or Drill Sergeant. This voice/person is horrible to him. I've talked to my husband about the Sergeant; my husband says that he needs the sergeant as a motivator for him, to make him do what he "should" be doing. To me, the sergeant sounds like the negative/controlling/abusive people from when my husband was a kid. I think that my husband thinks he needs to be motivated that way because 1) That's what he was taught growing up and 2) He's so full of guilt that he thinks that he deserves it. Unfortunately, I don't believe that the sergeant has his best interests at heart. We've talked about it a lot; though the sergeant hasn't gone away, I think it's helped my husband to know that I'm not intimidated by the sergeant---I'm just as determined to treat my DH with respect as the sergeant is determined to abuse him.

Thanks for the great poll!

 

[FightingLily]

I voted yes. I too suffer from the defensive "B" mode especially when I'm feeling backed into a corner or when I percieve someone trying to take advantage of me or getting over on me. I suppose it is part of the hypervigilance aspect of the illness.

 

[Serenity1st]

Hi Lisa,
That's me all right. After a lot of therapy, I know that it's a voice from my childhood, and that that person was an abuser. My big struggle is noticing that, when that sort of thinking comes up, it's a red flag that I'm not taking good care of myself and the PTSD is flaring again.
A mixed blessing, I guess. Feel awful/notice and take better care of myself.
Wish I could skip the first part more consistently...
Anne