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Poll Do You Have a Critical Person Inside Your Head?

Do you have a mistrusting self blaming person/aspect of you?

  • Yes, I have a critical/mistrusting/self blaming 'person' in my head

    Votes: 136 85.0%
  • No.

    Votes: 4 2.5%
  • Sometimes.

    Votes: 20 12.5%

  • Total voters
    160
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I voted 'sometimes'.

It used to be horrible - this absolute vicious, cruel voice, malevolent even. It would come on strong, torture me for awhile, and then recede. The warning would come: "The Tyrant is on the prowl", and, even though the voice was very soft - I had to strain to 'hear', I had to listen, had to attend to it. My partner watched it happen once and she said I would go very still and appear to just be staring into space very intently.

It finally dawned on me that, as cruel and horrible as it was, that voice was actually trying to HELP me in its own way. Sounds crazy probably, but it figured if it had already done the worst that anyone could do to me, then no one 'out there' could hurt me. I'd never be surprised or blindsided. I think the idea was that I'd rather be hurt by myself than ever be hurt/betrayed by anyone else (again) I guess. So, in her own way, that part was trying to protect me.

Anyway, once I realized that, it began to change. I don't have that vicious one anymore.

I have struggled with the critical voice, but mostly in recent years it's been more of a belief that if I just try hard enough, just push harder, harder, ever harder, I can make myself be different (successful, free, happy, feel safe, not drink, not overeat, be engaged, present, etc, etc). That driven, type "A", coach-type voice isn't helpful, either.

And very recently (like this last week), I realized that I can't beat myself into healing. I've had this mantra lately, "I expect myself to work with myself, where I am, right now" and that inner voice is beginning to morph into a genuine "inner parent" - not brutal/abusive, not indulgent/syrupy, but actually, genuinely nurturing.

-Dylan
 
Hi Ace -

I very much relate to your husband's idea that he needs the voice to motivate him to do what he should do. I created that type of voice trying to assist with depression and anxiety -- the idea that, without that hard-pushing voice, I'd never even get out of bed or leave the house.

As abusive as it seems, I believe we develop those inner voices/states in an attempt to help ourselves. Since the skills are maladaptive, they have a big downside (being abusive), but I do believe that we create them out of an honest and sincere attempt to help ourselves.

-Dylan
 
I do. My therapist asked what she looked like and if she had a name and all that. I simply called her Crucio (Latin for: to torture, torment ) Whenever I got into a 'downer' as I call them. I'd imagine she and I having an arguement about one of the 3 main traumas I've suffered (the result being PTSD). My boyfriend has even occasionally heard me muttering to myself. Things like, "It wasn't my fault he did it-- Yes it was! You didn't run you dumb bitch! You deserved it!". Thankfully he'd stop me whenever he's heard me or noticed me being in my own world
 
Oh yes! When I´m down she (She has my voice, she is the judge) always brings me more down, that I´m worthless, whiny, ungrateful, deserve everything I get etc. etc. etc. So I voted for a big fat yes. I even talk to myself and I´m scared that one day I´ll forget there are people around me and start doing that. Although she dose not come around as often as she used to.
 
Yup..I have been in therapy for so long.....and trying to deal with that inner critic (thats what my 2nd therapist called it) has been a constant. I am just not good at talking back to anyone...and am very apt to believe what people tell me...so if it says 'you are no good at this' 'people are sick of you' 'you will never get better' then I fall for it every time. This one therapist I had for over 5 years and he still has to remind me 'no you are not a bother' and 'yes you are making progress'. Someday I hope I can keep that stuff in my own head so I can remind myself.
 
Well I see that I'm not the norm on this poll.
I never try and blame myself. I always try and blame the other person.
I rarely take constructive critism. I often give critism. I'm working on this one because so many people have a hard time believing that I am as perfect as I think I am.
I try to mistrust most people as a protective barrior. With an ego like mine it's hard to mistrust myself. Althought my tells me I'm not always right. I'm working on this one also.

With the above statements you can see why it was so hard for me to start treatment. I like myself and family but others wow.
 
Absolutely, yes. I was a fairly critical person prior to getting shot. Now "in my head", I'm a mean-ass S.O.B. I manage, however, to remain pleasant on the surface for the most part. It's exhausting keeping it all inside to appear "normal".

I'm always a million times more critical of myself than others.

I'm finding it's getting worse over time also.
 
One of my couselors told me that my life was a 'collossal failure'.... at first I just sat there. Fighting a feeling of overwhelming grief. Then I felt numb. On the 3 hour drive home, I began to feel rage for what he said to me. How was THAT supposed to help me???? I tell myself things like that more than often enough, I don't need to hear it from a "professional"!!! What good was it supposed to do for me to hear it from him, too????
 
That little person has gotten me into more trouble than I can count!

Mr. Critical inside my head is quite the personal abuser of mine. His chatter is always the negative self talk that I actively work at controlling every minute every day. When I don't succeed .... D E P R E S S I O N . When I think Mr. Critical is right my thoughts get warped. Bad News :(
 
Yes I do. No matter how much I tell myself that I'm a good person and that so many people have told me that I am I still always hear another person in there telling me I'm worthless, stupid, foolish and ugly.
 
Most definately, after finally discussing my rape in detail, I was told to go home and care for my inner child and show her some compassion for what she went through and that she had no one to tell. So what did I do when I got home, I ripped shreds off her and blamed her totally for getting raped at 14 because she had some alchol that night, it didn't matter that she was asleep in bed that night.

I'm always blaming myself and critizing everything I do, even though I'm not responsible.

When you've had a life time of being told you're always wrong and bad and being beaten for it, you totally believe it. Even though the rational thought may come through, the critic always triumphs because they have so much more to say.

I wouldn't have ever spoken to my child in that manner, or thought that anyone else would be to blame in the same
circumstance but since I'm always at fault I can always find someway to twist things around to assume responsibility.
 
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