Do you have maladaptive daydreaming?

[ms spock]

This is challenging but I am making small progresses.

 

[ms spock]

So this is marginally better at times, I am making small progresses with it.

I have to give up the fantasy of getting my family back or ever being connected to my sisters and brothers again. I have to let that one go. It is painful, but it will never come back that closeness that we had as kids. I have hungered almost 20 years for that. And it is not a realistic hope, it will never happen. Everyone is too traumatised. It will probably go to a low place when my sister tells my brother what to do with his life. I don't think it is a good idea, but she can't seem to help herself. Anyway it will be painful, anything to do with my family is painful, it is what it is, there is no fixing it. There is only accepting it. With intergenerational trauma it is always going to be tough and painful. And unless I can accept this I will always feel immense pain surrounding the situation.

 

[ms spock]

Still working on this.

 

[littleoc]

Still working

We’re right there with you

 

[ms spock]

We’re right there with you

It does help to know other people are doing this too, and that they do understand. I am tired at the moment.

I have to get out of this, and I am really focussing on it well at times. Other times it is not going so well. But it is a life long survival habit!

 

[ms spock]

So I am close to getting a whole lot better on this. I just don't want to do the work this week. I want a week off. I don't actually do that much so but anyway I am taking time out. The next part of the journey will be hard. I don't want to do it!

 

[ms spock]

Still working on this.

 

[ms spock]

I am really trying to work on this. My maladaptive daydreaming is pretty full on at the moment. I am reading "The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions", 2009 by Christopher K. Germer. It has a lot of strategies for people with a background of trauma.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I must be a bit different then because I have done this since I can remember. And for me it IS malada...

I used to think I didn't lie. But as I've had time to reflect....yea, it helped me cope and survive. I have worked on integrity....being more authentic, and caring less about what others think....and mostly about what I think.. A pendulum has swung, and in trying to right this....now I tell too much, and too honest, and probably would be safer if I lied. I'm working at telling things like they are but keeping me safe, not like I'd like them to be or exaggerating to make it sound better or minimize, and I find it takes a lot of mental energy every day to simply just say what happened in as few words as possible.....but as I practice every day, it is getting easier....and when I start to inflate, deflate, or just flat out lie....I try to correct myself mid sentence before a bold-faced lie blurts out. I like me better this way....still in progress though.

 

[Marvel545]

Reading this thread has been enlightening for me. I admire you being open about this @Living in the 70s I'm going to take on board the things you recommend & buy the books you recommend.

I've realised today that MD is something I have suffered with for a long time. I have fantasised the best part of a decade away. I feel emotional that there are other people like me.

I'm on my 5th therapist & I've never been able to explain how I feel & I've been ashamed at what goes on in my head. My MD all revolves around ideal versions of myself. I've never told anyone around me about this & always felt like its my dirty little secret.

I too have compulsively lied over the years & whilst I don't now, I find things tough!

It's great to know that there are other people who have been through similar to me & I will be checking in on this thread!

 

[TruthSeeker]

So this is marginally better at times, I am making small progresses with it.

I have to give...

I hear and feel your pain with your family situation. Thanks for posting this. I played The Parting Glass- on my recorder, a Celtic parting Song Which helps me stay as positive about separating myself from my family. I can’t move forward if I don’t but it hurts so much. I have changed- I don’t want to be like them- I’m not like them- but I have the skills to be if I wanted to “ fit in”. I don’t- it’s a hurtful way of life. They know only drama, entitlement, pain, manipulation and hurt. I am the black sheep-because I won’t fit in. I don’t drink, don’t do drugs, and don’t cross serious boundaries or expect to get something for nothing, which is their norm-and I’m angry with being made to be a family outcast. Anger in their world means crazy.

So to try to make me conform, they tell me I don’t get along and tell me I’m crazy. The X and step daughter say if I want to see my Grandson, I have to do it in the presence of my Abusive X husband. My brother takes notes to intimidate me when I visit my father. So I don’t. I don’t conform to their craziness. I don’t pretend anymore. And I dont see any of them except my father for less than 30 min every 3 months or so. He’s old and failing, just hoping to die.I’m an alien- that’s how I feel. I’m no longer a member of the crazy clan. I don’t belong there.

To function, I mentally put each one and their drama behind a door- that helps- they are on the outside-I control the doors and I’m on the inside.I have no immediate family to turn to that is positive or well and it’s so lonely. But I feel better with almost no contact- less drama- and life is more predictable and I can move forward. When my father is gone- there will be no contact.

I sang the Parting Glass across country as Celtic Woman sang- a beautifully and powerful arrangement.I cried driving across country but I felt better the farther away I drove.-I called my father on Father’s Day - he sounded sad- and tipsy. He’s so old and frail and lonely. So confused and I can’t help him. My brother said I should only call him about 9pm- (after he has been drinking). Bro is scared and a survivalist- everyones out to get him- paranoid, and insecure- and also a narcissist.

My daughters traumatized by our family situation and is angry with me- I changed the rules- no more entitlement- no more freebies- I don’t have money to support her.

She has joined their craziness as there was a “spot to fill” (mine after I left) My soon to be X husbands narcissistic world is a positive place as he takes her in his fold- to abuse. Their job is to pronounce me as crazy, diagnosed me with quite a variety of mental health disorders to make their way of life the normal one- all-to get me to conform- if I get help and medicated to conform, they will welcome me back- all of this in an effort to make them feel normal-I don’t want what they have- been there, done that, and it was anything but mentally healthy. But like in a favored poem I know, I took The Road Less Traveled, Robert Frosts poem, and it talks about choices...and in the end as the narrator considered the path he chose to take, he knew he’d made the right choice as the narrator says”I doubted If I would ever go back”- and like that poem- I don’t want to go back!

Closing the doors to family is so very hard. Going no/ low contact to get to a better place- so sad and lonely. Not belonging to the group I’ve always belonged to and pretended to fit in when I never did-is so hard-but it’s better than being like them- crazy!

 

[bumbles]

Yes! It has been a bigger problem for me recently actually.
I find myself just laying down and fantasizing about things that will never happen, playing out scenarios in my head that are pleasant but totally unrealistic. I sleep a lot of the time just so I can live in my dreams.