Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[Jagged Angel]

To me, telling people things about myself is leaving me vulnerable to being attacked with it later, and just because someone is a T, doesn't mean they won't hurt you

 

[goingonhope]

Anthony, you say that this is a simple question, but long.

I can't see anything simple about answering a question Yes, ......I have a trauma secret that I'd not divulge to a therapist, when all I want to do is answer, No, I don't have any such a secret.

Beyond this, I have told many, many, (not necessarily discussed those all, but told) (time is a factor) and/or I may tell a trusted therapist all traumas if I were seeing a trauma therapist for such reasons,....... but every single one???? (Not sure about telling the one biggie left remaining); It's not possible, I don't think. I'd be most seriously retraumatized! And, it wouldn't be worth it!

 

[Reclusive]

My t isn't interested in talking about my trauma as far as I can tell. He only vaguely has an idea that it was work related and he knows something happened to my mother, but I'm not even sure he knows she's dead. The more I think about it, the less I like my t.

 

[TLight]

I've told what I remember, which was mostly from my early teens and a little here and there from before. Like I know I was 9 when I first attempted to kill myself, but I've no clue why. Then I sorta remember banging my head violently against the wall every night around the same age.

I know there is so much more, but I think I'll probably be old by the time my brain is able to remember it in a declarative form. The nightmares and intense flashbacks point to a whole lot more and very violent and sick. But I don't remember.

How do you tell when you don't know? It is so frustrating. I really want to know if it is going to help me, but at this point in life (almost 50), I think I'm just shooting for stability.

 

[anthony]

(Not sure about telling the one biggie left remaining); It's not possible, I don't think. I'd be most seriously retraumatized!

Now you're thinking on behalf of the therapist and also taking guesses at the outcome. You should know by now from things done with me, yes... pulling issues apart are traumatizing, but they aren't retraumatizing in the definition of that word, being they aren't going to be continually relived again, they are going to be exposed, felt, relived for a brief period, but healed is the outcome. If the trauma is healed... then I would say there is no point telling them, but if its not, then its a secret, and you know what secrets do. If its not a secret, ie. others know, then that is not an affect.

It all comes down to perception, but this question is purely about you and your therapist. This poll is only to ascertain just how many keep secrets from their therapist, the very people who they seek help from in the first place, but then withhold that very information from the helper, demonstrating the core of PTSD, denial, self hurt.

How do you tell when you don't know? It is so frustrating. I really want to know if it is going to help me, but at this point in life (almost 50), I think I'm just shooting for stability.

If you don't have a memory of something, then you don't have a secret from your therapist. Acceptance is what I believe you need to come to terms with. Truly accepting that you cannot remember, so accept that and move on with life, exactly as you stated, aiming for stability.

Trying to remember something that simply either doesn't exist within your brain, ie. it wasn't stored due to age, dissociation, etc, vs. whether you brain has the memory and has only repressed it because your brain knows your not capable of dealing with it... both will cause anxiety if you don't accept the memories just aren't there or don't won't to be shared with your conscious brain at this time in life. Much of PTSD is about acceptance, because regardless what occurred, memory or not, you cannot change the fact now, you can only accept it and move forward with life.

 

[TLight]

Thank you Anthony.

 

[BloomInWinter]

(((((TLight)))))))))

 

[LaurenRose]

Yes, thankfully there is much of the other traumas to be talked about. I wrote out a list of my traumas and gave it to her. We don't go through it line by line but I thought it was important for her to have a holistic understanding. There is one however, that is too deeply embedded and I have yet to bring it forward. I hear what you are saying Anthony and I hope to one day be able to spit it out. I am hoping that as we work through the ones that I have been able to bring to light that I will build an emotional foundation to be able to look at that yet to be revealed one. One hour a week seem an impossibly short time to bring forward those emotions and have to live with them by myself for the other 167 hours. I am still confused as to the best strategy. On one hand the traumas I have shown her are each pn their own big enough to occupy all of our time. On the other, I still have a secret. I am sort of being pulled along by life, struggling to keep up. Is it helpful or harmful to load up when work is already being done?

 

[nie]

I answered yes, but is with reservation. I realized just last week when talking with my T that I hadn't told him about an event. It wasn't out of purposefully choosing to not bring it up, I just hadn't thought about how it related to other events. It lead to a conversation that was very uncomfortable, but really beneficial in the long run.

 

[LawPhotos]

I definitely have a number of secrets I'm not sharing with my T, but at least I'm sharing more with this one than the last. I can think of one or two things I'll take to my grave. I really like this T and find her very helpful but there is no way I can not hold out on some secrets. Besides the massive trust issues that I have, I am the consummate people pleaser and approval seeker. I just can't believe that revealing some of what happened in my childhood wouldn't change people's view of me. I know it isn't healthy but I just don't want to be the person that those things happened too.
Exposing them for the first time ever, especially with my T, means that I can never take them back and hide them away. As long as no one knows I can cope by playing with the reality of them. Like they only exist in my head and so, when necessary, I can talk myself into believing some of them never happened. Some of them are so gruesome and humiliating that they couldn't be true, right????..........

 

[LawPhotos]

Here's a question......How many of you think your therapist knows that you have secrets that you are keeping from them?

 

[hazen]

I have been going to therapy for over a year now with two therapists... the first left me actually, as she got a job at a different place. That was really hard for me because I hadn't quite gotten to the point where I would acknowledge my PTSD and I felt a bit abandoned, which was also an issue from my childhood. Not fun.

However I have been doing well with T #2 and I don't feel like I hide anything from her. To me it feels like I'm cheating myself if I hold things back, because after all, I'm going there to learn more about myself and how to get help, and she can't help me with things she doesn't hear about. But I understand why it would be hard for some, especially with a not-so-great therapist.

Its never easy!