Do you share everything with your t or are you selectively candid?

[Deleted member 541]

@Saywhat I am confused as to why you go to therapy and lie to your therapist??? You’ve said why you do this but seriously you don’t think your therapist knows that you’re lying????? One of the biggest revelations when I was almost done with therapy was that my therapist thanked me for being so honest. I joking asked him how did he know I was telling the truth? He then told me that in school, that was one of the courses he took for psychology.... or it was within one of his courses. Can’t remember. But it was about telling if a person was lying... He said there are many ways to tell.

So why bother going and lying???? What exactly are you getting out of therapy if you lie about why you’re there. Makes no sense at all!!!!

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I'd rather the counselor's notes say "client denies having had xxx experience" than "client does not wish to discuss experience with xxx."

Wondering why? Did a T violate a boundary before? This doesn't help one work on the issues in therapy. It does the opposite. Besides, many Ts are very adept at picking up on lies. So you may answer that way and they know better.

If I don't want to or I'm not ready to discuss something I'll just say so. Yet I've actually run into the opposite problem; Ts unwilling to delve into what I need to talk about especially surrounding sexual abuse. I luckily can't say that about my current T.

Do you just share what’s relevant (like what YOU want to work on) or do you open up about everything that’s vulnerable

The first thing, even before I started therapy with my current T, was constructing a timeline of my life and abuse history. That was my assignment before the intake appointment. So obviously I've shared "everything." Now comes the delving into specific areas based on my goals for therapy right now. Of course those goals may change and that would in turn change what I share. And of course if other issues in the timeline arise because of my goals then I'm certain my T will go into those areas and I'll gladly follow her. And I do mean gladly because I want to heal. So whatever it takes.

I obviously couldn't share everything vulnerable. That would take a lifetime. So I'm focused on specific goals. Then there's the T and her picking up on something I shared and going on off with that about something I shared previously. That happened this last appointment where she needed to construct a portion of the timeline and give it more detail.

Though I do have to say that with my T I had for 14 years I shared whatever I was dealing with at the time and how it related to the past. We got deep into everything I shared. We came at it in a different way than my current T.

With my T right now it's more intuitive on both our parts.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I tell my therapist anything that comes to mind.I have a fertile fields of trauma so it's difficult sometimes to keep focused. I need to rely on my therapist to shape the conversation or let me ramble on or not. I know if I'm not honest with my therapist there will be no healing or understanding.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I share what issues I want to work on that are troubling for me. there is only forty five minutes so I have learned to choose the most important issues.

 

[Saywhat]

.....And how does that help you to heal?

LOL. Quite the opinion there!

 

[NoWhereKnowWhere]

I share as much as I feel capable of. I’ll push myself to a degree but I’ve been in the situation where I’ve disclosed too much too soon and that’s made me very unwell. I’m also aware of how much time I have with a therapist as relying on the nhs or charity organisations means I only have a set amount of sessions. I don’t want to delve into something then be left with the aftermath. If that makes sense.

I’m pretty open and will say I don’t want to talk about that because x y z.

 

[EveHarrington]

Quite the opinion there!

You must be new.

 

[Freida]

It took almost a year before I shared a couple things and we are at year 3 and I still keep some details to myself. Mostly that is because I can't share some of the disgusting things I still blame myself for. So instead what we talk about is why it is so important to keep things to myself - which is the bigger problem because it is based in lack of trust. Make sense?

 

[erigby]

I have been down this road so many times. My T doesn't ask questions at all... I used to wonder if he was even paying attention...but in the end...it all worked.
I can't explain it but...it worked.
I think it has to do with relationship.
I shared so much stuff. He just took it all in.
For me, the healing part has been, he takes it all in, and doesn't judge me. He empathizes and that is helpful.
I have learned...it can take a hell of a long time.
I have seen my therapist every week for almost 18 months and I am just now synced in. I show up. I know what I need to talk about. I put it out there. He responds. It's working pretty good.
Don't forget... 18 months to get to this point!
If you are in a really bad place ask about more than once a week.
You can also look into on-line therapy stuff for in between sessions.
I am currently on TalkSpace. I wish I had known about it in my worst days...when a week between sessions seemed like an eternity.

 

[Reflections]

When I did therapy I didn't hold back much. I talked about whatever came up, believing that being as open and honest as I can means I'll get the best help. As a result though, I shared too much too soon and overwhelmed myself. In that state of high anxiety, I wasn't able to express myself as well nor was well understood. My therapist unfortunately didn't help me to calm down to a workable baseline. Moreover, my therapy felt all over the place without structure or anchor because she allowed me to talk about whatever. I made progress, but at the same time I didn't make much in 6 months. If I were to do therapy again, I'd be more candid for the sake of personal pacing, building trust, and focus. I understand better what my priorities are and what is better to handle down the road. I know now if something is too much, to tell my therapist that isn't something I want to explore right now. If I had a different therapist maybe it would be different, but that's my experience.

 

[Upside Down Eagle]

I’m highly selective. And I told her that I am. What’s even better is that she respects my selectivity, although sometimes it’s gotten us in murky waters. If you leave things mysterious, you have lots of space to manouver in and more freedom on your hands to disclose what you want. But on the other hand it can lead to your T drawing the wrong conclusions because they don’t know you well enough.

Throwing everything out there didn’t work for me because you run the risk of making yourself emotionally dependant on somebody (who is like a parent figure and is willing to listen to everything you have to say). Sometimes, talking about everything encourages dwelling instead of moving on.

 

[Beans]

I share most everything. There are a few things that it takes me a week or 2 to share about though. I have cptsd from being raised in trauma so most of my healing is interpersonal and learning how to have relationships, be present and connect without dissociating (cause i only learned pple equal terror.) So being vulnerable, learning and, hopefully, generalizing that I can be open and accepted by others (and that all the danger of my childhood is over) is as healing as it gets for me.