Do You Think PTSD Is A Terminal Illness?

[texaskitty]

Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I think it will kill me. BiPolar Disorder has a high rate of death due to suicide. The docs say I have both. Its been a battle for so many years and yet I wonder if I'll win. So far its winning. I ask myself whats the point with such a dismal quality of life. If I was my pet I'd have me euthanised. Funny how we can do for our pets what we cannot do for ourselves.

Yet each day I struggle through, I don't know why.

Sorry to post again so soon, hope its not against the rules. I just wanted someone to know maybe someone who has been there to help me see a better way.

Thanks, TexasKitty

 

[Deleted member 541]

PTSD does have a suicide risk involved to it. I have attempted it many times. The depression is my longest symptom. It never leaves, only varies in levels.

I,m not sure that I can help, other than to give you the same advice I give others and myself. Keep fighting it, exercise helps, get your vitamin D levels checked, eating healthy, positive talking helps, being kind to yourself, and trying to get plenty of rest helps.

PTSD sucks, if it isn't one symptom bothering you, then it's another one. Vicious nasty ass disorder......

 

[Irton Pike]

I don't mean to sound bleak, (far from it, in fact I am optimistic, even in my blackest periods) but I do regard PTSD as a terminal illness. I have horrible bouts of depression where I become suicidal. When I am suicidal I usually have horrible sensory distortion so that I feel the world is falling away from my feet and that my body is expanding and stretching out into a void. Like extreme vertigo. But these days I have started learning to bring myself back from the brink by using CBT techniques. More importantly, I have used the same techniques to spot the onset of a downturn and begin to put things right as a preventative measure.

I run, I ride my bike to keep the fight/flight in check and I have started treating myself with a bit more love and compasssion. I have started trying to separate my rational thoughts from my emotional responses.

I also believe that PTSD/depression is potentially a contageous disease. Especially transmitable to your kids. So I am really trying to control and correct my behaviour around my kids. I have 3 kids and they do drive you crackers! My eldest is 8 and I have started telling her about my "black dog". I regard PTSD and the accompanying depression as a responsibility. I have a responsibility not to inflict the bullshit on others, especially those I love most. I can't say I manage this all the time, but I think I am getting better.

Last night I was in a 5 mile race and had the most intense sensation of being in the car flying through the air into the forest. Completely lost what little rythm I had and then I automatically speeded up until I was nearly puking. Its powerful stuff. But I honestly believe it can be kept at bay. There are so many good people on here who do such good work that they have convinced me.
Love.

Irton

 

[strugglingdad]

Terminal? Oh yeah! But so is life. Don't take that wrong please. I was on hardcore self destruct for about twenty years. Maybe still am....Bad depression. Constant suicidal thoughts. The only thing that keeps me going most days is my kids. But i do believe the PTSD will eventually get me. Maybe not PTSD itself but one of my self destructive coping mechanisms. Am seeing a therapist so maybe it'll get better. Next week have an appointment with psychiatrist. On my worst days I'll try to get on the couch and cuddle with the kids. Just sit and hold them. Otherwise......
Dunno what else to say, just keep on ya know? One mantra I use sometimes when things are rough is "in a hundred years who's gonna care". Helps a little with perspective for me.
Good luck Texas, take care.
Strugs.

 

[SunnyBrookFarm]

Do I think it can be terminal - yep. Especially if untreated. I also suffer with depression - where the whole world goes dark. However, I refuse to believe that with good treatment and learning coping skills that it is terminal in every case. Otherwise, why would I open the wounds, why would I go through all of these feelings and emotions in therapy. To attempt to heal as much as my mind and body will allow me - I want to get better. I know it will always be a struggle and I know that my body's reaction to stress will always be more severe than someone without PTSD but I do believe I can survive and I would like to think that the majority of us will.

 

[TLight]

I second what Rebecca has said.

I feel like I"ve survived so long untreated, when the suicidal ideation was non-stop and powerful and the clinical depression was devastating, taking away what seemed like everything. Then, of course, the Fibromyalgia, loss of my career, isolation..........for my entire life I hung onto a thread, that for the last two prior to getting treatment........the thread was seriously breaking and I truly, truly did not have it in me to live anymore. It scared the heck out of me!

But, after 4 years of therapy, I can truly state I'm better...........not cured and I expect down times and continued triggering.........but I like to think of it like in the movie, "A Beautiful Mind" where the mathematician 'overcame' his schizophrenia and went on to achieve the nobel price and work at Cambridge (?)............I like to think of the ending of my story like that...........I will always have this....but I can wear it in a way that I can have the life I desire..........

Please.........I know at times, many times, it does appear terminal...........I mean, how strong can a person be? REally?............Strength can only take us so far........healiing, whatever that truly means, can take us farther.

 

[texaskitty]

Thanks to all for sharing. There are so many brave people who fight the results of trauma every day. After a really bad night I realize that PTSD can be terminal but doesn't have to be. That others can fight and get better encourages me.

I am glad I found this forum.

Thanks to all once again,
TexasKitty

 

[lrs]

I don't have a problem with considering PTSD terminal.
In 2002, I was in a drug rehab. After once again going through a big round of psych testing and such, I was told I could not take another hit in this life. I was used up, and the next time something bad occurred, I would kill myself.
The story very well could have ended that way. At that time I was in desperate shape.
Since then, I have taken some major hits, which I have never described here.
I believe in my heart of hearts, that if it were not for the unusual events that occured, the Dr's forecast might well have come true.

 

[ISupportHer]

Irton Pike wrote:

I also believe that PTSD/depression is potentially a contagious disease.

I find that concept interesting. I posted that very question on a depression site a year ago, before I came to see that the PTSD is what probably drives everything for my wife.

Some responded to me that that idea was ridiculous, like they compared it to literally catching a cold from someone. I absolutely think there can be some "transmission" of at least some of the feelings. Not the literal trauma. There is no way I would ever say "I know how you feel" I don't and never will since it didn't happen to me.

Sometimes I feel I'll end up on an antidepressant. That would not have been my belief 2 or 3 years ago.

Terminal? I pray it is not but with so many episodes of threatening self harm, I'd be lying to myself if I didn't acknowledge that an attempt is possible in the future.

 

[ISupportHer]

Sorry Texaskitty, I have been really down for the last few days and I turned my response to me. That is wrong. I hope so much that you can and will fight and continue the struggle. I don't respond to all posts but I read many since I started coming here. Survivors and carers and some who really are struggling. I wish you strength and have a new appreciation for what you and others must have to battle. Sorry I was so negative.

 

[strugglingdad]

Hey ISupporther. Please, don't apologize for being negative. Just the fact that your here to help her....man, that's enough. Sometimes I think us with the PTSD forget that the carer's suffer too. You have a right to be negative,and hurt, and frustrated. Many times I've wondered why my wife stays. Would I? I dunno. I wonder if she actually has the short end of the stick. Having to deal with me and my darkness. So be negative when you need to. You carer's are sometimes all the difference.
Strugs.

 

[Irton Pike]

strugs

Therein lies a whole vicious nest of guilt vipers to feed the depression! Drives me up the wall worrying about that one!