What Do You Think Of Being Mental Healthy As We Can Be Vs 'recovery'?

[Tinyflame]

Yes I understand @lostforgottensoul . The only 'but' being however, would it be better to let go mentally of the drive to get 'to' recovery, and/ or the self-blame if we can not get to a state approximating 'recover-ed'? I suppose another way to say it, in other words would be to concentrate more on 'living' versus 'recovering'? If that makes sense..?

Because no matter how much it permeates, or how much of our attention it demands, there's more to life. Also, I think it causes me to pause more, & the pause constricts my life. Definitely makes me more prone to being self-effacing/ self-rejection too. And I despise the boredom of no spontaneity, as well.

But mostly given more time to think, less competing with my reminders & memories, the more I want to crawl under a rock or I can't bear the day. I get exhausted trying to 'get well'. :(

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Well @Junebug if thinking about it as "living well" works for you more than "recovery" does then think of it like that. I see it really the same thing...like tomato and tomotto...or about and the Candian word "aboat" lol. ;)

 

[Tinyflame]

Lol @lostforgottensoul . Eh? .. :laugh: ;)

ETA, I guess what I'm trying to find the words for here, is to say for myself to 'forget about' recovering, & forget entirely the concept of 'recovery'. I am not inferring ignoring management- that would be a disaster. Nor am I saying 'giving up'. I'm saying what more is there to me, others, my day, a dream?, etc.

Because I remember once being freaked out fearing in advance I'd have a meltdown/ make scene/ flee/ have a FB etc at s funeral, & the advice was "So what?". (I didn't btw.) Similarly, I was worried for my job/ past exposed, it was pointed out that was 30 years ago it occurred. Also, who 'are' these people (& their reactions or judgments, etc, in relation to me?) Perhaps I m a'bit ok', as is, for those actually a part of my life? Tomatoe Tomato, maybe this is the extent of where I will recovery to, and it's ok, & just a part of me?

 

[Tinyflame]

Also, off the top of my head, I have recovered from (as in survived & not repeated for the most part), the drinking in response, the gambling, the suicide attempts, the bailed relationships, the self-harming, the Flashbacks, the incomplete memories that surfaced, the lying to hide it all, for now cigarette smoking too (my primary ex-grounding technique).

 

[lostforgottensoul]

"So what?".

Sorta how 'my friend' on the other site view stuff. "So what, its what has come up for you...take what you get"

Re cig smoking, i stopped in a week & moved to a nicotine vapoizer. The only thing i miss is the abilty to SI quickly, not detected at work but i had severly damaged my lungs w/ the huffing of duster & got pnemonia twice in a year & possible perm lung disease at 34. The pulminologist had said your lungs heal themselves until age 35 then it starts to become perm so that scared me to quit cuz cigs werent helping even w/o the huffing. I used to weeze constantly, at least the Dr could hear it. My last physical (2 ish months ago) no weezing detected in both lungs! YAY! Quit cigs about 8 months or so ago and stopped huffing about a yr and a half to 2 yrs ago so i guess theres truth in lungs healing themsleves. I'll be 35 next month.

 

[Sideways]

One thing I can say for sure is that I'm not aiming to eventually be like I was pre-ptsd. For one thing, I was a kid, so I'd have to go through puberty again - no thanks:confused: Anyway, if that was the goal, it'd be Rehabilitation, not Recovery.

The best I can hope for is to get to a point where my well-being is as good as it can get, taking into account what I've been through. I have no idea what that looks like, but I'm guessing I'll never be the poster child for 'perfect mental health'. That's okay, most mere mortals are a few screws loose anyways:O_o:

 

[Tinyflame]

Yay @lostforgottensoul ! :tup: I am using an e-vape too. Miraculous. :) I've always thought the wheeze was asthma. Yes I have 40+ years of abusing my body, lots of damage to it.

I won't beat this more to death, but yes, one part acceptance without horrific self-reproach is part of recovery or 'recovering', I think. For example, whether I melted down or not at the funeral wasn't just a function of being more recovered. I mean sure, in an ideal world it wouldn't have to be considered, neither would flashbacks etc. I don't believe that the reason I didn't meltdown was because I was recovered though, as I said I had the help to be able to ask, & I had a kind person there too, so that was support, & accepting my limitations. And knowing it wouldn't (technically) be the end of the world to melt down, helped make it more bearable, & there fore less likely to melt down, though I was no more 'recovered'. Probably the action that reflected more recovery was asking for help, being honest, showing up, not running away despite the emotional dread & fear, knowing I need(ed) exterior help.

@Ragdoll Circus 'pefrect' can be over-rated. :laugh: :hug: "Rehabilitation', I love that. :) ETA, on a serious note, for me the ptsd showed up at 14, so I never got to be a full-fledged-adult without it. I would have liked to have had the opportunity to live as an adult without it. I think that's what makes it feel too much/ too long now.

 

[Tinyflame]

taking into account what I've been through.

Yes, this ^^, exactly. :tup: :hug: Good-as-you-can-be taking that in to consideration, is very good. :tup:

 

[Teasel]

I recently read van der Kolk the body keeps the score, and came across a thread here that quoted a likely prognosis for complex trauma victims from Judith l herman

Both left me feeling there was no.way I could ever complete the steps listed as being needed to heal. And both times I obbed gard for hours and hours. More than 8 ever have and I've doney fair share of sobbing.

Reading your thread has helped me feel a heck of ait more hopeful.

Cause yeah the first half of my life has been devastatingly painful!

Changing how I see mysrlf and ptsd seems quite do-able. Very grateful @Junebug :)

 

[Tinyflame]

(((((((((((((( @Berlinda )))))))))))))))

 

[mamachick]

Great post, only sorry I was delayed in reading all of it.

Feels like "the harder I try, the behinder I get". Maybe I am fine being just who I am for now. I use to be extremely social, now I isolate. Rather than set goals to get out more, I find that I am ahead to just enjoy the time alone without guilt I use to be able to account for most of my time and was productive to a fault. I didnt waste any time. I am not that person anymore.That feels bad and like it needs fixed, or "recovery" for these issues related to ptsd.

Well how about if I float in my pool and listen to music after I do my morning gardening. Read a book, play a computer game, and make salsa when my veggies produce-all without a plan of improvement, guilt, self criticism, critiquing, permission? Life is different now, and I accept change might be a healthier attitude for me to adapt to because given my situation, I know that I dont have many yrs to do anything and I can accept that.

 

[Whyteferret]

My therapist said something yesterday. I've had PTSD symptoms for decades. They were controlled. They interfered with some parts of my life but not all. For example, I never had a romantic or physical relationship since then. They didn't disturb me or how I functioned.
That's not the case anymore. After another trauma I got worse. Odd. I wasn't traumatized by how,I got the brain injury at all. Idk. Maybe the previous "protected" me? Or maybe I was older?

Started rambling. Back to topic. What he said was that for me, "recovery" means getting me back to the prior situation regarding symptoms. "Mild" and controlled.
Part of me doesn't like this. I'd like the whole thing to go away. Part of me would be incredibly happy if it was "controlled" but not cured.

He seems to take the view of recovery as a process.

It helped because it took pressure off me to do therapy "right."