Weemie
MyPTSD Pro
I know without a doubt that his dad was a sociopathic pedophile so there is a clear “cause”. So he was “set up” by his dad to fail.
I think it's important for us to also consider that we live in a society where, at least on the surface, we are able to make choices and thus, it is important that we give legally competent humans appropriate agency. This question is one that has been at the forefront of my healing for the last sixteen years - how responsible am I for my behavior (overall - am I actually legally competent now, and was I always legally competent then?) how responsible were my abusers for their behavior (my trafficker grew up surrounded by hard drugs and sexual violence, and gang violence) and if we are responsible: what does that mean, and what should happen as a result?
Much like your father, I was "set up" to fail. The appetitive aggression that frames my neurology was purposefully introduced to my psyche with the aid of mind-altering drugs like crack, PCP and marijuana from a very young age. I was expected to torture, sexually abuse, and even kill other people and if I failed to do so I would be violently punished, or others would be harmed even worse in front of me. I was trained the way a soldier is trained to break down the bonds between myself and other humans, and to "dehumanize" others, viewing them only as tools to make my abusers profit.
Yet, as much as we can put the blame on them, I continued to behave violently without their influence. I have tortured others and dehumanized others simply because that is the skillset I had to get my needs met.
I've found a semi-satisfactory answer within the realm of restorative justice. Restorative justice is important because it is not about retribution or revenge, but about the practical realities of coexistence. Restorative justice is what gives my victims the ability to confront me and put my actions into a healing context for themselves. That self-policing community of ex sex-offenders is a great example. They found something that works for them, that genuinely reduces recidivism, and keeps them relatively safe (from others and one another).
In many ways I conduct myself similarly by only socializing with other neurodivergent people. No matter what I have done, I have also demonstrated a capacity for remorse and growth, and as long as honor my special needs socially, I am generally a peaceful enough individual to coexist with others. With all of this being said, though, the onus should never be on a person's victim to rehabilitate them. That is something that should be left to the professionals that voluntarily choose to engage with abusive humans in as safe a manner as they can.