Poll Does Anyone Else Have Trouble Cleaning, Tidying Or Dealing With Personal Admin Tasks?

[.ashes.]

Hi,

New member here, so apologies if this has been asked before...

First a bit of background, I had PTSD for about 10 years, however (after a lot of work and some specialist help) I've been largely symptom free for the last several years. Events in the last week have stirred up memories and some symptoms, though, so I'm dealing with that as best I'm able...

On to my question, I guess the title says it all, but... I had terrible personal admin whilst the worst of the PTSD was around. No getting away from it. I didn't budget, didn't eat right, didn't exercise, didn't file my paperwork (it was piled up, never filed, and gathered dust), and rarely if ever cleaned anything. What I did instead was just plain use everything I had - 'only' to manage to hold down a job, make the basic hygiene/cleaning tasks needed, and eat an evening meal - before collapsing with my laptop and getting online, researching anything that could help me, chatting on forums, or writing poetry.

As I say, by and large, these days I'm on a pretty even keel. I'm lucky enough to only be working part time, for now at least, so I have some time to think about what I'd like to do with my life. I'd like to be able to do some of the things that the PTSD prevented me from doing - maybe some further education, and making a real 'career plan'. Maybe a bit of travel, or making a real plan to save up and buy my own home. Getting fit, and doing some of the outdoor activities I love. However... my personal admin/organisation is still terrible.

Sure, these days I get to the gym more often, and actually enjoy stuff like cooking, especially with my boyfriend. My laundry pile isn't awful. But I still have a stack of paperwork a foot high, and on top of that, all the personal possessions I had when I broke up with my ex are all - still - boxed up at my parents house. I also still have huge problems motivating myself to clean or tidy our flat. It's funny, because mess stresses me out, and I have a huge need to be 'in control' of myself/my life - yet can't control basic things like my own environment?

I feel really guilty as my boyfriend works full time, and the deal is meant to be that I work part time but also keep the flat clean, do the cooking, etc.

I need to get to grips with this, I'll not be able to complete a degree being this disorganised, and with the place being so untidy I find it distracting and stressful - hardly conducive to doing any serious research into what course I might want to do, or planning funding for it.

I just find it hugely overwhelming, I get really stressed before I start cleaning. The absolute only time I enjoy it is when I'm angry - then I enjoy it, and almost clean for 'escapism', like if all my clothes are clean and pressed, and the place is neat and clean, I could make a quick exit and leave the country if need be.

Part of the problem may be that our home was never neat growing up and I wasn't really taught how to clean properly, so it takes me ages, and I obsess over 'perfectly' clean.

So that was a super-long post, sorry about that. I do this in 'real life' too, take forever to come around to my actual point, which is/was - help! How do you deal with keeping things clean and tidy, and organising yourself? Is this a PTSD thing, do others struggle too or am I just useless at this aspect of life?!

I am just about to go and clean up the flat now... I've been screwing up my courage/determination for about 5 hours now... you see what I mean. It's not right.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Mallaky]

Yes, yes, a 1000 times yes. Its horryfing, and to my utter shame and defeat I have to admit my boyfriend of 5 years has to work double most of the time. sigh. It is better without any distraction, but this new house I live in is full of distraction and I dont work at all. pun intended

 

[.ashes.]

Thanks for your reply, I'm glad I'm not alone. I too am ashamed of the way I live, and by extension the way I make my boyfriend live, since he really doesn't have time to clean. He is a naturally neat and organised person. I would like to be... it's really not that hard to push the vacuum cleaner around, or clean a sink, or write a letter - yet it is, or seems so - I just don't understand how some people manage it so easily and calmly? I want to be like that...

 

[Mallaky]

I'm new here and no expert at all, but here is my theory: I hate, hate, hate, hate mindless stuff.

I love to read, write, play video games, engaging stuff. When I do boring stuff (socialising, ugh) I get anxious. Chores are boring, making me anxious. When I am on auto pilot and not observing myself hard, I would do anything to avoid anxiety.

There comes also the aspect of my trauma(s) having a direct connection to chores.

 

[GRANOLA]

I think when you have PTSD its like a rollercoaster. Days that are good you try to do the things that make you feel good or build on your wellbeing, like going to the gym, walking, gardening. Whatever it is that makes you feel good! We all know that doing domestic dredgery isn't fun. The end result is rewarding and it gives you some level of physical activity and it may be a good distraction.

I know what I struggle with is pacing myself. On days when things aren't great concentrate on yourself, what makes you feel better and you know the housework will be there tomorrow. You don't have to clean the house from top to bottom at one go, pick one thing like sweep the kitchen or clean the toilet. Ask your partner or a close friend to vacume if you find it too much. People generally want to help its just a matter of asking them and it makes them feel good like they are actually helping you.

A few weeks ago one of the forums members answered another member's post with an incredible anology. If you need to convey how much work it is for you to just get thru each day have them read "the spoon theory" . My best freinds, my husband and girlfreind are always saying "what can I do to help, I don't know how you feel, I need to do something for you but what"? The spoon theory once they read made a huge difference once they read it. Everyone seems to say "I get it now"! You will be surprised at the assistance you may receive with the simple day to day stuff that never seems to get done.

The Spoon Theory also helped me plan my day better. If you do too much one day you know the next day you will not have the same productivity. Just so you know when I'm angry my house is spotless and my yard is groomed, but I'm a mess and toast for the next few days.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You sound highly functional. I get the feeling that there's one area of your life you struggle with and you want to see if PTSD is to blame. Well, lots of regular people are disorganized, so you can't blame PTSD. If you grew up in a disorganized house, that may be why you don't have organizational skills of a neat freak.

 

[Mallaky]

"Well, lots of regular people are disorganized, so you can't blame PTSD." That is not a good argument. Lots of people have sometimes depression, anxiety, nightmares, whateveryounameit too, and sometimes PTSD is to blame when you suffer from it.

 

[.ashes.]

Well, I've just been sent a warning notice saying that I may be disobeying the forum rules by having posted this, and a moderator will review my post soon. Great. Don't really understand how I could be upsetting anyone, but... I'll wait for my judgement to be handed down!

ScaredOfLonely ~ I have always been, to coin a phrase, a ''highly functional f*ck up''. Functional, however, does not mean happy or even level -- just that you can keep up appearances. I'd certainly never dream of calling myself 'regular' or 'normal', I think that ship has sailed! Yes, I grew up in a house that was disorganised - but also dysfunctional. It certainly had an impact on many things in my life, no doubt including my ability to clean, but notably my mental and physical health, which were also affected severely.

My question was really whether my inability to clean or organise now could, in fact, be a leftover from the trauma/PTSD I experienced - a leftover symptom or after-effect, if you will - or whether it is, in fact totally separate. For example, I don't believe it is 'normal' to feel urges to self-harm, imbibe alcohol, cry or run away (as in, leave the country) as a result of cleaning the house... I am not normally *that* bad, but I am this week, and I always have problems. I just wanted to know if it was a ''PTSD thing'' and maybe some people would have an idea of how to deal with it, if I was alone in these problems or had some company in the form of others like me... that's all. I certainly have no wish to 'blame' PTSD or indeed any other factor - I want to understand why this is happening, so that I can fix it and move forwards with my life.

Incidentally, I do have the organising skills of a neat freak - but only at work. My workstation is immaculate, tasks organised, and I generally run a tight ship. At home, it's a totally different story. No clue why.

Mallaky ~ Thanks. That makes sense to me. Some times things are interlinked, even if it's not so obvious why. For example I have debts from when I had the worst PTSD symptoms, because I couldn't budget or even think straight for more than a few minutes at a time, and was influenced by my ex to take out a big loan (whilst I was in no mental condition to resist). Yet nowhere in the DSM Manual will you see 'money issues' listed in symptoms! Thank you, your message meant a lot.

 

[cherryblossom]

Welcome to the forum ashes :)

Well, I've just been sent a warning notice saying that I may be disobeying the forum rules by having posted this, and a moderator will review my post soon. Great. Don't really understand how I could be upsetting anyone, but... I'll wait for my judgement to be handed down!

Your thread was moved because it was in the wrong forum, that is why you were sent the notification.

You can review forum rules [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/help/terms"]here[/DLMURL], and also information about notifications / warnings [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/wiki/frequently-asked-questions/#i-got-a-warning-notice-why"]here[/DLMURL]. If you have any further queries on any forum administrative matters, feel free to direct these questions at the [DLMURL="https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/forums/help-desk.28/"]help desk[/DLMURL] in order to keep threads on topic.

 

[Mallaky]

I was thinking about this alot and for me it comes down to this: I am very, very afraid of many housework things. Like a phobia.They remind me of my trauma and that is one of the things I hope my therapy will help me with. It is really not funny, and only by going in me and thinking and feeling alot today did I recognize that I am REALLY scared of doing the dishes, etc. Intense feelings of helplessness, loneliness, etc come over me. God, this is sad and funny at the same time.
"Why dont you do the dishes."
"Everytime I think about it I become lonely and helpless and depressed."
I need a good therapist, haha.

 

[radicalgratitude]

Are you my brother? No, seriously, my brother has this problem. I used to, until I worked for a housekeeping crew at my college (cleaning dorms) and formed new, positive memories around cleaning (alongside discussing it in therapy). I hope my brother can also heal from this....he just shuts down.

 

[stuff]

I have problems in that I go from one extreme to the other. I'm either completely lost and unable to get anything done, or I get a lot of OCD issues popping up and I spend hours everyday over cleaning and organizing.