Doing The Right Thing

[Hope4Now]

stupid

No, dear. Not stupid. Just misguided energy. So glad you have a plan!

 

[Deleted member 28740]

Hard to sort out what is stuff and what is shit. George Carlin. He is shit, the rest is stuff. The emotional is what you are sorting through. Standup and get abused more. Something similar happened to me. He kept using my mail address, would not return my critical stuff. I dropped all his off at his ex wife's house. Notified her first that he was non responsive. A few critical items were returned to me. Drop his SHIT off at his friend's. Better have them come inventory, sign for it and take it away.

 

[scout86]

Once upon a time, I went out with a guy who I thought liked me. That lasted until he borrowed a bunch of money and decided it maybe wasn't a loan like we'd agreed it was. I dragged his a$$ into small claims court, won, and got my money. AND found out he'd ripped off a bunch of other people we worked with.

Did the money (and it was $1200, which isn't small change in my world) make a huge difference in the grand scheme of things? No. But standing up for myself and winning did. Even if he'd skipped town and never paid me, winning in court meant something because it meant, for once, I had proof that I wasn't the one who was "wrong". (I had made up my mind that I'd hound him to the gates of hell if necessary, BTW.)

@shimmerz , you have a history, as I understand it, of being taken advantage of and not being able to do much about it. You may or may not get your stuff back. Sometimes standing up to people who deserve to be stood up to has a value all it's own.

It what you really need back is paperwork, you can get a lot of paperwork in one of those "what ever you can fit ships for one price" boxes. And, according to the commercials, they might pick it up at his house. This guy is NOT a gentleman, he's a creep. YOU are right. When you're thinking this through, consider that if we don't stand up for ourselves, chances are no one will. If we don't think we have value, chances are no one will. If you're a narcissist looking for a target, someone who thinks they aren't valuable enough to stand up for themselves is the perfect target.,

 

[shimmerz]

Sometimes standing up to people who deserve to be stood up to has a value all it's own.

Yes, and this is why I wanted everyone's advice here. I am not used to following through on this stuff. I was taught the Catholic crap of turn the other cheek and was WAY too good at that. It is my time to figure out this stuff. I need to work my life differently. I just didn't know how because I haven't had a whole lot of experience at it. Seriously, thank you all. I truly appreciate your help as always.

 

[shimmerz]

Standup and get abused more.

This does seem to be what happens when I stand up. I remember thinking this in the house of horrors and other areas of my life. Perhaps I leave it to long? Idk. I think this is actually what has me second guessing myself. Thanks for bringing that up @Changeling .

 

[Pencil]

Doing 'the (morally) right thing' is LETHAL. I've discovered that the hard way. Get that crap right out of your head. Do what will be effective. And with that I'm not preaching doing immoral or bad or evil things (i.e. you want to kill some bastard. Do, and you'll end up behind bars. Ergo, no effective and really stupid). Find the path that will give you exactly what you want and need, and if he gets what he needs, wonderful, win-win. If he doesn't, tough shit. Look after your own interests first. THAT is moral. Being a sucker, victim, sitting duck is not morally defensible. I wish I could just drive over and pick up your stuff. And sweep him out of the way.

 

[desiderata310]

I PM'd you.

 

[ms spock]

If you're a narcissist looking for a target, someone who thinks they aren't valuable enough to stand up for themselves is the perfect target.,

So you win on two levels, you get your stuff back and you also start to bully proof yourself. Sounds like a solid plan to me.

 

[shimmerz]

you have a history, as I understand it, of being taken advantage of and not being able to do much about it.

Not meaning to twist things around here, but many 'therapists' try to tell me that I feel unworthy of fighting for myself. This, actually is not the case. I suspect it isn't the root cause for everyone who displays this characteristic as well. I fight. I don't fight effectively.

My past is fraught with 'ineffective' fighting. When you continually lose as a very young child, with horrific consequences when you even try to fight back, well, you fail to learn 'how to fight'. That is the case with me. So please, don't assume it is about self worth. I do feel worthy. I just don't know how to follow through effectively.

BTW, Mr Wonderful contacted me out of the blue today. 'Been super busy, will send stuff - so sorry. BTW, how are you.' This is so ridiculous I have no idea how to respond. *heavy sigh*. Effective parenting involves key life skills. I missed out big time. Again, any takers? What does 'normal' look like here. I am clueless.

 

[shimmerz]

Okay, I am going to try to figure this one out given the suggestions that were presented in this posting.

We need to wrap this up immediately. LAX is much cheaper than you originally expected the costs to be via courier. Another option that was brought to my attention which seems viable is USPS. They ship by the pound as well. Either of the two options should allow you to get moving on this immediately. It doesn't look like busy is going to stop anytime soon, as you expressed this problem a month or more ago. Let's have this wrapped up by the end of next week.

OMG this took me forever! Write, rewrite. Thank you Friday, your thoughts on business transaction did me well. I kept grounding to that, pretending I was dealing with a client. I am absolutely not certain that this is good. Any thoughts on editing are appreciated.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

This appears to be a stalemate with the both of you. Bottom line he does not get his stuff back untill you get yours back first. Be a broken record and keep on repeating.

Nothing wrong with you at all. you are dealing with a real asshole. I am very sorry about this happening to you.

Many others have suggested so many things that you can do. I wish you well and that he returns what is rightfully yours. My heart goes out to you but I have confidence in you that you will choose what is best for you.