General Don't Think I Can Forgive This One - Marriage Possibly Over

[Bella78]

Well, I have just had a most upsetting morning. My worst nightmare has been realised.

My sister visited my hubby (who for those of you who don't know has PTSD and moved out of our home a month ago) to wish him a Merry Christmas. She found him there with another woman. And her two kids. Right next to his bed she saw their cot and nappies and toys...

So it seems some suspiscions I have had for a while were correct. My husband has cheated on me.

And I find this out today, Christmas Day.

I really don't know if I can forgive this one. I'd say it's probably over.

After all I have been thru because of him and because of his PTSD and I have only ever tried to do the right thing. I have researched PTSD and come to understand. I have done my best to educate all our family and friends. I have patiently let him be and given him space. I have watched him waste our money and run our business into the ground. I trusted him when he said he was not cheating. I forgave all his lies and deceit and put it down to PTSD, but not this one. I don't think I can forgive this one.

Foolishly there is a tiny bit of me that hopes it hasn't really happened. I think maybe this girl and her children just needed somewhere to stay... but I think I am only deluding myself.

I am going to go and be with my family for Christmas, there is nothing else I can do. I sure as hell am not going to sit around here on my own feeling sorry for myself. It hurts too much.

I still love him and in that sense, I hope he is OK. Because I can imagine he will be filled with an enormous amount of guilt right now. I just pray he doesn't do anything stupid.

And God help me too.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Instead of offering any insight or advice at this time I will do what you need and deserve, I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[Jen]

Gee Bella thats not good! I hope you can get through the day ok with your family!
Thoughts are with you!

 

[empowered]

Thinking of you Bella. And like Veil I'm praying for you.:Hug_emoticon:

 

[Bella78]

I have been to lunch with tha family. It was not too bad, I am glad I made it. It makes it easier when there is a goegeous 2 year old in the family.

Thnaks for your prayers Veiled. I am praying too right now. And thatnks for your thoughts Jen.

His mother and sister has been in contact with him this afternoon and they were confident he was quite stable. But my sister who sprung him (and suffers from depression) is quite traumatised, angry and is feeling deeply for me. So she has felt the need to contact him for answers. Not understanding that it is just too soon for anyhting like that, plus failing to realise he probably just can't handle that right now. He has reacted in a fairly dramatic way, calling his mother hysterically.

I am so very worried about his mental and physical well being. I know he must be feeling a lot of shame and guilt right now. At least the man I know would be. But not sure how much of him is left in there anyway.

There is so much info that I have left out of this forum that fills some gaps with horrendous information. It may come out on here in time, soon, or I may never feel secure enough to share, even if you all don't even know who we are. Some of it is quite shameful. And dealng with that is hard enough, let alone being judged for it. This is a hell of a tangent, but I have found with every mental health practitioner we have dealt with (for both hubby and myself) who we have told the full story to, they have changed their tack after they are told in such a way that it is obvious they are judging. It's almost like you can tell they are not as willing to help because we are suddenly evil in their eyes.. Yeh, tough story, maybe one day....

I am so very weary and emotionally drained right now I think I will go lay down and sleep if I can....

 

[Lisa]

I'm so sorry. And on Christmas Day too...

I don't know what to say, other than I am thinking of you today.

Lisa.

 

[Bella78]

I had a good 3 hour sleep, really needed it I suppose. Got up to feed my dog, now propbably going to go back to bed.

I almost still can't believe it, but I am surprised at how much I am still thinking about him and hoping he is OK. I am so very worried about him being alone after this getting out. His mum said he is feeling dreadful - and frankly so he should. But not at the expense of him harming hiself. And I am afraid that is what I fear right now.

I also wonder, could I ever forgive him? Something tells me I could. That's sort of how I feel now... I love him so. But I am not a doormat. And if I did forgive him, would there ever be any trust and security again?

And then I think maybe I feel I could forgive him because the thought of moving on without him is too hard. I made a solemn decision to stand by him thru all of his PTSD and other crap (which is sure to be full on). I was going to wait for him and be here when I could have him. Why the hell after him doing this do I still feel like I could do that? Am I just a fool? A sucker for punishment?

 

[Bella78]

Now I can't sleep. I just feel sick.

 

[becvan]

Bella, I'm really sorry that this is happening.

Please do try to remember to take care of yourself. Your in my thoughts..

bec

 

[Jim]

Sorry to hear it Bella. Not a nice thing, especially this time of year. Take care of yourself. Wife and I are praying for you.

Jim.

 

[Bella78]

Thanks to all, Jen, Veiled, empowered, bec, Lisa, Jim and Kathy for your prayers.

I still feel so ill. But I am going to spend a couple of days with my parents. Being alone in our home here is a bit too hard. Sleeping last night was really not easy. And I imagine this is going to get harder before it starts to get easier.

I just don't know what to do, if anything about it now. Part of me wants to let him know how hurt I am. I want to hear him say it. I want him to tell me what happened and why he thought it was OK to do it. What was he thinking?! Another part of me is so sad for him and I love him so, and feel the need to let him know that no matter what heppens, in the ened everything will be OK, even apart and to not forget that...

I don't know if anyone is keeping touch with him and I feel stupid calling hi mother to check up how everything is. I feel like now I am just out of the picture and have no right to ask... but surely I do, after 9 years, a marriage and everything else.

 

[Felicitas]

feel with you

Bella I feel with you, alltough i haven't experienced what you have experienced.
I don't want to say anything that it is wrong, but like to take the risk. So please choose what you like and forgive me for the rest.

It makes so much sense that you feel love and anger at the same time. You do love him and that is why it hurts so much.
I imagine that it is the toughest time of your life.
It is not easy to feel weak and betrayed.
Somehow I wished you could tell him how much you love him and how much you are hurt by him, but I don't know .........

I am with you in thoughts and prayers.