Dreading seeing best friend

[desiderata310]

WTF is wrong with me?

My best friend, whom I haven't seen in over a year, is driving 4 hours to see me today. I AM DREADING his arrival. It suddenly seems like more work than it's worth. I know that once he gets here, I'll likely feel different. What the actual f*ck? This has been the case for the last couple of months. Is it simply that I've gotten too accustom to the isolation?(I've been out of work sick for the last 4 months and my main source of human interaction has been doctor visits. Not by choice- no one would visit me) Is this some weird PTSD thing?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I AM DREADING his arrival. It suddenly seems like more work than it's worth. I know that once he gets here, I'll likely feel different. What the actual

I think it is a PTSD symptom to dread things like this. I have been dealing with this in my life for so many years. It has improved greatly but the dread is so familiar to me and usually the things I do dread, do not turn out to be things that deserved to be dreaded. I do not understand the dynamics or how this thing works really but it sure has plagued my life for so many years of my life.

 

[ParalyzedMind]

WTF is wrong with me?

My best friend, whom I haven't seen in over a year, is driving 4 hours to...

I am having the same problem. I cannot even see neighbors, collegues or family relatives )beyond wife) any more.

To me, I am just so afraid of anything that they may say or to even if it is probably all good. I don't watch TV any more and have not been to soccer games (one of my huge passions) as I cannot deal with crowds.

I am trying to shelter myself now and find a way out of this. Going hiking alone, climbing on top of rocks, sitting where it is quiet or just sleeping. I don't know what to do, just know I am not able to enter where others are.

 

[Sideways]

Isolation, along with the absence of any need for the 'emotional energy' involved with catching up. Totally!

For me? I think there's an element of anxiety associated with that. And the more likely it is that I'm actually going to enjoy myself? The more I can recoil, because the anticipation alone is exhausting.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

And the more likely it is that I'm actually going to enjoy myself? The more I can recoil, because the anticipation alone is exhausting.

It is exhausting! I know that whenever I interact with someone in the real world, I am on so to speak and that does take energy for some people in the real world, But with a good friend that I do know and trust even a little, I can relax more and be myself more except for on my bad days in which case I cancel and reschedule.

 

[scout86]

Is this some weird PTSD thing?

I sure hope so, because that's what I keep telling myself. If I didn't have to deal with people for work, I'd probably never deal with people at all. And yet, it's usually ok. It's the thinking about it ahead of time that seems to be the hardest.

 

[ParalyzedMind]

I have started the same way. Besides my therapist, my wife and kids, I would prefer never having to talk F2F with anyone.

This is awful, just two months ago, I could at least watch a soccer game on TV and be happy

 

[Friday]

Stress Cup.

Otherwise known as the bane of my fawking existence for the past year :wtf: Being sick/injured not only eats energy... But it also takes away the single best stress management tool I know of, and drop kicks routine right out the damn window. (Defenestration! Aieeeee! Never as much fun as it sounds like. ;)) If recovery was linear it wouldn't be quite so hard, but a lot like young children it tends to leapfrog around; adding in tons of guilt, exhaustion, frustration, etc. as some areas relapse right as other areas *would* have been possible if the :confused: :banghead: :wtf:

 

[scout86]

Being sick/injured not only eats energy... But it also takes away the single best stress management tool I know of,

True! And often overlooked. (And, in the process of overlooking the 'fact' part of that, there's yet another opportunity to call yourself names for failing.)

 

[Deleted member 541]

I hope that your friend is there and you're having a kick ass time!!!! Enjoy!!!!

 

[desiderata310]

My friend did come and we actually had a kick ass time.
8 years of friendship, one marriage and divorce, a series of bad relationships, a failed engagement, many jobs, a ton of similar interests, same line of work and tons of stories to reminisce about and share with from times when we didn't work together and a shit ton of catching up to do. We talked till late (he slept on the couch- he's got a serious girlfriend who he's proposing to in October) and rose early to chat seriously abut the future, his fiancé to be, the TBI and more till I finally had to help him leave around 11am. We said goodbye for over 2 hours.

It was exhausting. It was needed so much- so necessary to talk with someone who had shared history with me. It's been missing from both our lives- the ability to talk openly with a dear friend. I'm so glad he came. We made tentative plans to do it again (this time with me making the trip and planning for extra rest time since driving will be hard for me with the TBI)

@scout86 I think it was as much the PTSD as it was just having become accustomed to being alone.

@Friday yes injury eats at my energy. I immediately fell asleep when he left for two hours, also had an 'event' (mini seizure?!)while he was there that I think was part of the exhaustion.

It was good for me- deep in my 'soul' even if it caused as much anxiety as it did.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm glad to hear you had a kick ass time. Just wanted to say that :)