I'm dreading next Thursday... It will be 10 years since I lost my son to an ectopic at 9 wks.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember the Dr's saying there was nothing in my uterus and I would have to go to the hospital.
About an hour later I found out that I would have to have surgery because my baby was stuck in my right tube. :( They told my husband that I wouldn't be having surgery until 6pm that night so he would be able to run home and get a few things. Not 10 mins after he walks out the door they come get me for surgery. So needless to say I was a scared 18 yr old and went back crying.
That was the worst surgery I had ever had ( and I've had over 60 brain surgeries). I haven't really dealt with my son's death but this year it seems to be hitting me so much harder. I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to let balloons go or something and he asked me why I was dwelling on his death now. I'm not dwelling it's just hit me really hard this year for some ungodly known reason.
The other day was the first day of school for kids and my aunt that was pregnant at the same time I was posted a pic of my cousin starting the 4th grade. My son would be doing the same thing but I sit here empty. This sucks :( I was told I wouldn't be able to have any more kids "naturally" and that I would have to have a Dr's help but that's way to expensive so I feel like I will never get my rainbow. All my friends and family keep having kids and I feel left out. Life is so unfair :(
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I remember the Dr's saying there was nothing in my uterus and I would have to go to the hospital.
About an hour later I found out that I would have to have surgery because my baby was stuck in my right tube. :( They told my husband that I wouldn't be having surgery until 6pm that night so he would be able to run home and get a few things. Not 10 mins after he walks out the door they come get me for surgery. So needless to say I was a scared 18 yr old and went back crying.
That was the worst surgery I had ever had ( and I've had over 60 brain surgeries). I haven't really dealt with my son's death but this year it seems to be hitting me so much harder. I mentioned to my husband that I wanted to let balloons go or something and he asked me why I was dwelling on his death now. I'm not dwelling it's just hit me really hard this year for some ungodly known reason.
The other day was the first day of school for kids and my aunt that was pregnant at the same time I was posted a pic of my cousin starting the 4th grade. My son would be doing the same thing but I sit here empty. This sucks :( I was told I wouldn't be able to have any more kids "naturally" and that I would have to have a Dr's help but that's way to expensive so I feel like I will never get my rainbow. All my friends and family keep having kids and I feel left out. Life is so unfair :(
