Easily irritated and get rage.. i don't understand my emotions anymore :(

[littlelostchild]

Oh Jess, I wish you could move away from this awful, toxic environment! Your mother is supposed to love and protect you. It's no wonder you are angry. I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so awful.

(((Jess))) safe hugs

 

[RussH]

Is there anyone you can talk to? A friend, the parents of a friend.
How hard would it be for you to get your own place?

 

[J_trustno1]

@littlelostchild : thanks. I don't know if she loves me or not but I don't like it how my words or statements are always overwritten.

@RussH : I really need a job to be independent. I can't afford an accommodation right now and that's why getting an employment is very important. I feel I could be catastrophizing again but I don't know if my lost trust in my mother is right or wrong. I see her as a threat who can invite any of my abusers over anytime. She hasn't done it lately but I don't have any assurance that she wont :(. I am frustrated and feeling the fear.

 

[littlelostchild]

Sorry, Jess I didn't mean to say that she doesn't love you. I imagine she does in her own way. But as moms our number one priority is to protect our children (beyond loving them) and she isn't doing that. Is there a friend you could stay with for a while to get a bit of a break?

 

[scout86]

I don't know if your mother is a threat to you, but I can easily see why you don't trust her. You are an adult now, you have WAY more control over what happens to you than you did as a child. Way more choices are available to you.

It seems like I remember you saying something recently about your thyroid medication, but I'm not sure. It IS possible for thyroid levels/medication to affect your emotions. Maybe you should get that checked out, just to be sure it's not contributing to the problems.

Even so, you're in a difficult and stressful situation. You had a difficult childhood too, and are dealing with the effects of that. Handling your emotions, even HAVING emotions, is part of that package, so that maybe the problem too, or part of it.

I have had some issues with my own family. My T keeps saying, "I wish you would think of these people as just being 'interesting'". I've been trying to do that, and it helps. Rather than letting myself get sucked in to all the drama, I try to take a step back, disconnect the present situation from the messy past, and deal with them like I would if they were just some random person on the street. It DOES help. It helps me anyway. It doesn't change the craziness or the issues, but it changes how they effect me and my ability to deal with them.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think your medication may be adding to your rage. It is not uncommon for meds that tinker with serotonin levels to cause anger and rage issues in people who otherwise were ok or had controllable anger. I also think your anger issues will be more controllable once you are able to get a hold on the repetitive, obsessive thinking. I can see that it is very much bringing you down. [All of your posts reiterate your abuse and issues with your family.]

 

[joeylittle]

I have been noticing since last couple of weeks that I am easily irritated and have this constant rage.

I stopped mirtazapine almost 2 weeks ago due to horrifying dreams.

I'm not suggesting you go back on the mirtazapine, but I wanted to point out the relationship of when you stopped taking it and when the rage started.

The really frustrating thing about medication is not always knowing how it's affecting or not affecting you - but once you start taking them, it's important to always factor them in when you have mood or behavioral changes, especially when the timing co-incides. If you can recall how you were with anger before you started the mirtazapine, and whether it eased up while you were on it, you'd have a bit more information.

 

[J_trustno1]

@joeylittle : thanks for moving my thread. Sorry I didn't know which was the most appropriate place to post it :(. Before starting mirtazapine, I used to be more sad, yes i had anger and irritation but not as bad as i am now. I am irritated with every little comment or anything anyone says to me :(. Secondly, while I was on mirt, initially felt as if i was in heaven except the weight gain it gave me but it made me feel great and I was a lot calmer until those horrifying and violent dreams started affecting me. I'm in a total mess with my emotions right now. One day I have so much anger and the other day i am really sad :(.

 

[J_trustno1]

I would like to thank everyone here who contributed to this thread and trying to calm me down. Guess what I have discovered just now. The reason I am irritated is because of LDN. Here is what I've found on it's adverse effects:

Note: I am experiencing sleep disturbance and irritability. I did tell my psychiatrist about me having disturbed sleep and feeling irritated. He has given me the blood test to be done next week so he can see what is happening with my Thyroid antibodies and my TSH levels. Plus I am PMS (my period will be coming in a next day or two). It's all the hormones that are making me crazy and irritated at every little thing. So once I have the blood test done, I am going to have to let my Psychiatrist know about my mood and sleep again next week.

What are some of the more common adverse reactions that people have to LDN?

MM: Sleep disturbances nausea, and irritability are some of the issues that people report.

For those that have nausea, we have found that using a sublingual dose seems to help. In cases of sleep disturbances, we recommend adjusting the dose to morning time instead.

For those who have become irritable after taking LDN, I would recommend reducing the dose. While 1.5mg is a typical starting dose for Hashimoto’s, some may do better with a starting dose of 0.5 to 1mg. This is where the liquid LDN allows us to get a minute dose and gradually progress to a target dose. I like to use the old pharmacy adage that applies to most medications “Start low and go slow”.

The above is quoted from: Link Removed

 

[joeylittle]

Hey, @J_trustno1 - that's great the you've uncovered the likeliest cause of your irritability. Thyroid medications can be notorious, and it's hard when they are necessary to take.

(I edited your post above to reflect a source of your quote, just so it is attributed properly - in case people want to go looking for the whole article)

 

[J_trustno1]

@joeylittle : Thanks for doing that for me :)

 

[makibrd]

I know for me that anger is only a symptom of a deeper issue. Mine being rejection. I try to run situations through my mind before they may happen to try and handle it differently. Most times i still blow it, but it helps to remind my self that the anger doesn't make me a bad person, its just the only way that I can handle the deep feelings of rejection and loneliness from my childhood. I suffer from arrested development and will often respond in a childlike manner which is frustrating and embarrassing. Don't beat yourself up for feeling angry! find things to do that pamper yourself and make you feel loved.