Middle of Nowhere
Bronze Member
Anthony, Free float,
I have to agree with you that it is a useless endeavor to run or hide or try to change what I'm facing, which is a lot. I see the pattern of my drug use ties into my disassociation's with myself, my perspective and the chain of abusive relationships. I have used it as a means of both avoiding living and dying. I hear you say it hurts others as well, I know that's true but I always just toked some more and dissociated from that thought. I just didn't know why I needed to. I have to find out who I am without many things now. It will be a long time because of the severity I face. (((thank you for your honesty in that))) I have to agree that anything that I choose to do is a choice. It's my body :D . I suppose I have had my reasons. I have always been seen and treated like an object because of what I look like, and what I consider (normal) behavior. It has been a tool others have used to control me. Preferring to quiet me with it and pills, booze, and the likes. To sedate me for their means. I have had enough of being that person, just a toy. Though I am terrified right now that I will indeed die. Shrinking away untill I really do disappear.
I need to put it down now if I stand chance of ever knowing who I actually am...and what I can do.
Also I must champion my own personal responsibility now. I'll feel less like a victim....less like a refugee....perhaps I can learn what freedom is.
I would like to thank you personally for your words on the subject.
For listening to me, there is no greater gift anyone has ever given me than honoring my voice.
"When I was young I used to admire intelligence, now that I'm older I admire kindness." Author Unkown
God Bless and have a good today.
I have to agree with you that it is a useless endeavor to run or hide or try to change what I'm facing, which is a lot. I see the pattern of my drug use ties into my disassociation's with myself, my perspective and the chain of abusive relationships. I have used it as a means of both avoiding living and dying. I hear you say it hurts others as well, I know that's true but I always just toked some more and dissociated from that thought. I just didn't know why I needed to. I have to find out who I am without many things now. It will be a long time because of the severity I face. (((thank you for your honesty in that))) I have to agree that anything that I choose to do is a choice. It's my body :D . I suppose I have had my reasons. I have always been seen and treated like an object because of what I look like, and what I consider (normal) behavior. It has been a tool others have used to control me. Preferring to quiet me with it and pills, booze, and the likes. To sedate me for their means. I have had enough of being that person, just a toy. Though I am terrified right now that I will indeed die. Shrinking away untill I really do disappear.
I need to put it down now if I stand chance of ever knowing who I actually am...and what I can do.
Also I must champion my own personal responsibility now. I'll feel less like a victim....less like a refugee....perhaps I can learn what freedom is.
I would like to thank you personally for your words on the subject.
For listening to me, there is no greater gift anyone has ever given me than honoring my voice.
"When I was young I used to admire intelligence, now that I'm older I admire kindness." Author Unkown
God Bless and have a good today.