Emdr Readiness

[Deleted member 28942]

Hi,

I've been working with my current therapist for about 3 and a half months now. We do experiential therapy particularly the Hakomi method. This helped me uncover my feelings, body sensations, and some memories. We also did installing safe place with EMDR and identifying other positive resources.

I uncovered one early memory between age 4 to 7. It is of my mom leaving me alone at home and me crying and when she returns she is yelling at me for crying and being such a baby. I remember the memory very vividly and the feelings of fear and terror associated with it. I need to have the believe that I am safe now. I believe that memory is strongly impacting my attachment issues, i.e. fear of attachment.

Now, I want to go with EMDR to process the memory and replace the believe "I am not safe / I am alone" with "I am safe, now". However, I am afraid how the EMDR session is gonna impact me. I am not self-harming nor suicidal. I have some positive resources to cope (safe place, images, essential oils, songs, and hugging myself) and have benzodiazepams just in case. In other words, I think I am ready to go with EMDR but I am afraid at the same time. Do you have any thoughts on when you are ready to process things with EMDR?

Thank You,
Universal Being

 

[WildMermaid]

@UniversalBeing can you use your safe place whenever this memory comes up? I mean can you go there on your own? Safe place was one of the most valuable tools I gained in therapy, and I still use a bunch of the tools and techniques even in life now. Please do not process this memory alone if it feels dangerous or volatile to you. Can you contact your therapist and she what he/she has to say is the next course of action?

 

[Ravenhorse]

Part of EDMR is being able to stop at any time. With my therapist the signal is raising my right hand. I know it's scary--I go into it knowing I will feel intense emotions. And I dread it sometimes. But it's the best, most effective therapy I've tried. And I have tried a LOT.
Be honest with your therapist--it's important for them to know how you're afraid. I have similar memories with my mother--so I understand your need to feel safe. As far as when you're ready...I think only you can answer that. But you are brave for wanting to process the memory!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Wow! You sound quite ready! Remember that it is at YOUR pace, so if you need to slow down or stop, you can do so at any time.

Keep in mind that there will likely be no time when you say "WOOHOO let's get this processing party started!"

But, overall, you seem to be in a good place. Kudos to you!

 

[Deleted member 28942]

@WildMermaid I can access the memory safely whenever I want. I can feel the fear, hurt, and sadness and I am fine with experiencing it. The only problem is that I cannot change the believe. Logically, I know I am safe now and that it is long gone but emotionally the fear is there and somewhere deep inside me is the belief that I am not safe. I will talk to her and see whether she thinks I am ready.

@Ravenhorse thank you. I will be honest with her. The intense emotions are hard to deal with but it is better to deal with them and move on with my life instead of staying stuck.

@Solara thank you for the encouragement and the honesty. You are right, there probably will never be a time when I am like "EMDR hell yeah!" but I think I am at a good place.

Right now, I see myself as living in a limbo. Logically, I am aware that I am safe now, that I am responsible for my actions, that I can stand up for myself, that I can make mistakes, etc. However, it is the stuck emotions and beliefs that prevent me from changing these things. I often times know what is the right thing to do but the fear creeps in and prevents me from doing it. I am at a point in my life where I am ready to take action and make changes. I am ready to become an adult and to let go of the hurting child/victim mentality but I need to address the negative beliefs that are keeping me stuck.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I was so terrified to do EMDR because I experienced multiple traumas. But it was the best thing I did in my therapy process.

Rooting out the toxic false beliefs is so highly important.

There is a really good book that addresses the false beliefs called Toxic Parents by Dr. Susan Froward. I highly recommend it.

I had so many false beliefs and getting the truth out of your head and into your heart where it does some good is a very good thing to do.

You sound so ready so I wish you the best in facing and dealing with your false beliefs.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thank you @gizmo. I have that book and I love it. It helped me a lot in my healing journey. It helped me understand that I was minimizing the effect, understand that I don't have to forgive, to find a good therapists, etc. Thank you. All the posts here helped me. I'm ready to give emdr a try.

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Today, I had my first EMDR session with this memory and my therapists combined it with experiential therapy. At the end I felt exhausted but the negative believe and the fear subsided little bit. I scheduled two sessions for next week. I really want to get over this memory. I will keep you updated here on how the processing goes for me.

I like the experiential part because I was able to push my mom out of the picture and to tell her many things I haven't told her before. I felt relieved.

 

[WildMermaid]

:hug: This sounds so very positive! :hug:

 

[Deleted member 28942]

I am spending this summer in another city and I've been working with another therapists for the past 4 weeks. Today we did our first EMDR session together. It was hard. A lot of things came out. I cried a bit and my throat hurt. Afterwords, I felt relieved and a little bit of hope opened up. It was a hard session. I will see how it goes tomorrow but I am looking forward to more EMDR.

 

[Teasel]

I'm about to start emdr, it's really good yo hear that it's helping you :)