Enough is enough - using the internet to avoid real life connections

[IamFree]

I have finally realised as a way of avoiding trying to connect with people in real life I use the internet to connect with people. its turning out to be a losing game for me as I often get disappointed it so easy to create fantasys online about people but the reality is often different. I usually end up miserable and I haven't learned a thing about connecting with life. it can be very addictive though but after the latest disapontment been feeling very down hearted so enough is enough.

 

[shimmerz]

Are you in an urban area where maybe you could sign up for a Meetup or something? Are you able to interact with others or will this be a triggery thing?

 

[EveHarrington]

Please don’t feel bad!

I have done this myself! For a number of years I only had online friends. It wasn’t until about 4 months ago that I started making real world friends again.

I think the online stuff served a purpose for awhile. It was easy to just have friends when my symptoms were low and I could just connect via the written word. But now that I’m getting better, I’m more able to form in person connections again.

FWIW, I have held on to a few online friends. One I plan to meet someday, not sure when as he lives 6+ hours away. I’ve known him for about 4 years now, so I have confidence in the friendship.

Most of the other friends I’ve made online as of late haven’t turned out so well. Most of the guys just want to date me, which is weird to me since I have no idea why anyone would want to date someone so far away?

 

[Gs172003]

I have people I work with. That's as far as my friends go. It scares me to death to meet new people because I have no idea what their intentions are. I hate that because I used to have tons of friends but now... nobody. Don't be like me.

 

[Mee]

i do not even want new close internet friends.

My two closet friends are far away:(. One is in a different country from me, one far enough away as to be nearly in another country. We use internet to chat daily.

My local friends I commit to see once every two weeks at least .

( but we got cancelled this week...not me! )

I also see one other close friend/ mentor but that’s on hold till
May.

But I do not feel able to make good connections or maintain things while so ... broken. My trust is gone.

 

[IamFree]

Are you in an urban area where maybe you could sign up for a Meetup or something? Are you able to int...

This is what I need to to be doing of course its going to be triggering but its what I need to go through to grow and change. the thing is I am well aware that disapointments can happen in the real world as well but at least its all human.

Please don’t feel bad!

I have done this myself! For a number of years I only had online friend...

yes I need to be careful to not condemm online socialising as outright bad. it has worked and works for some. in my own opinion its ok if your already a very connected person and your just using it to supplement whats already going on for you. I think using it as a substitute for real life connection and putting it before real life connection is were it feels unhealthy for me.

i do not even want new close internet friends.

My two closet friends are far away:(. One is in a differ...

I think its good to use it as a tool to chat with people your already friends with .

This is what I need to to be doing of course its going to be triggering but its what I need to go throu...

also as well I think the internet is good as a means to an end for connection like meetups were your going to go and meet people in real life situations.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I think the online stuff served a purpose for awhile. It was easy to just have friends when my symptoms were low and I could just connect via the written word.

Yes! For years my therapist and I tried to get me out around real people, meetings with "like minded" people, and everything in between. It failed. That fear is just too great. I think that maybe with a fully trained service dog I can do it but back then and righr now, no way. It's hard enough to stay numb enough to work. Even though I don't talk to anyone and keep to myself, that fear is such a force. I struggle to walk through the ailse to the bathroom/break room and back to my cube. I hear the sound of everyone talking (a call center) and see people and I can't become small enough and can hear the pounding of my heartbear through my chest and sweat bullets. It would be easier if I had a fully trained service dog but when owner training you cant rush that. So, I battle it until then.

But, I've found that I've been able to open up a tiny bit and interact with a few that's asked about my service dog in training.

But, back when we were trying to find a way for me to interact with people pre-service dog training, my therapist and I tried so hard. I have to give it to that man for endurce with me. But when everything else failed, he found this site. And I am so blessed to have found it. It has faults, of course but I would not be near as far today as if some on here didn't push me and others didn't show absolute patience. I was an insane mess when I got here. I was way worse when I had started therapy.

My point being, sure, the internet can hinder. And that's when you need to unplug. I oftentimes find myself isolating too much online and I push myself out into real life training with my dog. Not a person to person interaction but still real life. But, it also has it's place. I would not have self taught several computer languages as well as from ground up PC hardware if not for the internet (or all the handy things I self teach such as how to pick locks as an example). The internet hosts a wealth of knowledge and some real people. Some of which helped me walk miles of trauma recovery cheering me along in that walk.

So, I guess I am saying it has it's place. When it's served it's purpose then you do what you're doing @IamFree and unplug and go back to real life. But it can serve as the only peer interaction possible for some like myself where the fear of people is just too great. It helps me to learn some interpersonal stuff too along the way. Until I can face that fear and interact with face to face people.