Essential Tolerances For Successful Therapy

[Recovery4Me]

@BloomInWinter
A gleeful shout out for your healing and dedicated service.:notworthy:

 

[Leanne1]

I haven't been to therapy for a month because of something my therapist said.

I think maybe I should print the list as well:)

 

[shimmerz]

That every moment I spend wondering what was behind the words & facial expressions of my therapist were wasted moments of my life.

OMG this is so true. Great list. Thank you!

 

[Bookoffee]

That forcing myself to look at those things which I most want to avoid are the shortest distance between where I am and where I want to go.

I started a new therapist this past week and she gave me homework. I need to make a list of what changes I want to see when I am done with therpy and what I will be doing.

I started the list and I am blown away by what I am coming up with. I am thinking of figuring out how one of these Diary Threads work and start one. Maybe share the list and see how I do with the new therapist and keeping each other on task to completion of therapy.

 

[anthony]

required me to push myself to tolerate the distress of some things which I used to avoid or escape from

My way of saying this is... you need to accept that the saying, no pain, no gain, is very true for trauma therapy. If you aren't in pain, suffering more and symptomatic as you can be, then you aren't doing it right.

 

[StellaBlue]

My way of saying this is... you need to accept that the saying, no pain, no gain, is very true for trauma therapy. If you aren't in pain, suffering more and symptomatic as you can be, then you aren't doing it right.

I very much disagree. This approach almost killed me.

 

[shimmerz]

Likewise. My trauma included a risk of death, therefore I now know that I will push myself to that point before I let up on myself. Very dangerous for some. I didn't know until part way through therapy and many many life threatening situations. Sounds dramatic and it was.

 

[Hashi]

I think you need to be careful about the type and extent of "distress" you suffer. Also, about the "symptomatic" part. To me, increased symptoms are the opposite of a good sign.

Underlying all that is resiliency and distress tolerance skills, and I see a lot of posting on the forum that seems to indicate that distress tolerance/inner strength/psychological stability/coping work outside therapy or in preparation for therapy is close to zero. To me, that's not going to get you anywhere. You have to build up resilience, and you have to make sacrifices to do that - it's a lot of time, work, and discipline. In one way, no-one has that sort of time and energy. Never mind, you have to make the time and find the energy - no excuses.

Doing trauma work without having worked on that strength and resilience is, I think, highly distressing and not a good idea. I would actually support the "no pain, no gain" idea, with a slightly different angle, because I think a number of people seem to opt out of actually doing what you have to do.

Going through the "pain" of doing the work to build the resilience is, I think, completely necessary and the only way forward in therapy.

So I would say that the pain isn't in dealing with your reactions but in what you have to do to prepare and protect yourself from those kinds of reactions.

I can't agree that trauma work should involve the pain of heightened symptoms. I do think it involves the pain of getting over ourselves, giving up on avoidance of working on skills, and accepting that this is what we have to do - then doing it without compromising.

 

[shimmerz]

So I would say that the pain isn't in dealing with your reactions but in what you have to do to prepare and protect yourself from those kinds of reactions.

I so agree with this @Hashi. This is not something that is obvious when it comes to first receiving therapy IMHO. I thought if I did a 'bull in a china shop' approach it would work. It had all of my life - why not now?

I had the find a kinder approach towards myself. Gentler and more forgiving and patient. I had to stop pushing and start nurturing and shoring up for a battle to love myself not push myself. So foreign to me at that time. still not overly good at it - but that is what I needed most all of my life.

 

[StellaBlue]

That's exactly what I did @shimmerz - not only was I going to barrel through the trauma stuff, I was going to do it perfectly. And, like you, I'm learning how to be more gentle with myself.

I agree with you too @Hashi...I have found much of the "preparation" work to be immensely painful - but I'm starting to suspect that the "preparation" work is, in fact, THE work. And the more I do, the more I recognize that this pain is a good type of pain - maybe what @anthony is pointing to with the "no pain, no gain". It's like building muscles and strength and waking up sore in the morning...but not pushing to the point of tearing ligaments or breaking bones.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Great thread. I agree with Hashi. To build up resiliency and strengths from the insides out. To keep on moving forward in spite of and no matter what.

Next week I am going back to my old therapist for a tune up. As a new widow trying to build me a life with chronic fatigue from the three years of caregiving for my husband, I have to start over and it has raised so many different issues for me.

To keep going forwards and not give in nor give up on me and my progress in my healing journey.

 

[shell]

For me without the strengths of self acceptance, compassion and grounding there is no tolerance for pain and gain, it just lead to imploding, self distruction and dissociation.

The right therapist makes all the difference, because they put these basics in before they attempt the hard work, it's just a shame it took me 4 therapist to get to the one who took the time to support me to do this.

Allowing myself to be vulnerable has been my biggest obstacle.