Sexual Assault Ever gaslight yourself?

[LucyLou]

Had a bit of anxiety and sick feeling last night. I thought I was doing OK but obviously not. I don't know if it's related to this whole avoidance things I've posted about previous but do any of you ever feel like you gaslight yourself? Like, you minimise or tell yourself that you over reacted etc and it seems ridiculous for me to think like this when you consider it was CSA and r*pe.. I feel like I've sought out therapy, I have this amazing therapist but now I'm trying to tell myself that I don't need it and it's frustrating because it feels like I've sent myself right back to the beginning and I don't know why. Can anyone help me understand this?

 

[arfie]

i gaslight myself often. the place where i build my awareness of my self-gaslighting is in current events. e.g. my eldest foster child complained about the smoke smell in the house yesterday after i picked him up from spending the night in an anti-smoker house. half a century of controversy came roaring into my head, going all the way back to my mother forcing me to memorize the 1964 surgeon general's report. i'm still sorting through that quagmire in search of the balance between a beloved young boy's objection and the confusion of uncounted, barely connected propaganda attacks, both strictly personal and government sponsored. sigh. . . let there be peace in the neighborhood.

as i have heard often in my anmesia therapy, human memory is gaseous by nature.

 

[Movingforward10]

I think gaslighting yourself is hugely hugely common. So many threads and diaries on here where people are doing that to themselves. And it's so easy to point it out to others and so hard to treat ourselves differently!

What's causing it? Idk for you, but for me: easier to blame yourself than to face the trauma. If only we'd be like ABC, then all this pain wouldn't be here.
It's a defense? A way of making all the trauma go away?
Only it doesn't....

Can you give yourself counter messages to help with it? It's great you're aware you're doing it! That's half the battle.

 

[Friday]

Attempt to convince myself I’m crazy? Occasionally. Plenty of benefit when you’re not actually crazy.

Do you understand how YOU benefit? If not, then finding the answer would tell you WHY.

 

[LucyLou]

Feel like I had a productive session this morning. I didn't send the email I'd wrote but still ended up speaking about everything I wanted to. The avoidance etc and it went well. She helped to explain some things and is glad I spoke to her about it. Said how me coming to the realisation about avoidance meant more than if she was to tell me. I say it a lot but she's great. She just gets me and how I am/what I use as my defense/ coping mechanisms. I've told her I don't know where to go with any of it because I know I need to start talking. She said if I want her to she can give me a gentle push....that's probably a good idea because if it was up to me to bring things up, we'd never get anywhere. I'm doing much better today! Now I just have to get the appt with my Dr out of the way at 2.30. She wants a follow up from when she prescribed the propranolol. She wanted face to face but I can't do that, so I'm hoping she will just call me

 

[Mach123]

This is the abuser internalised. This is the voice that tells you not to tell anyone. My wife used to ask me, why is everything such a big secret?
If I tell, he or she will get me/not love me. I lost my voice because of this and couldn’t tell anyone.