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Everything is bad

S

Snowangel6

So I’ve been struggling a lot these past few years…maybe months. It seems like I try to get better and get back to myself and the things I like to do, but no matter what I still feel a pit of existential dread that never goes away.

I feel all of the problems I’ve had since childhood that even as an adult elludes me on how to heal or give myself the things I needed.

I’m basically a giant pit of unmet needs that I never figured out.

The pain is so bad, I just went through a really challenging relationship where I had no control over anything and this person did something in order to enact some type of extreme.

Justice. I knew them intimately and they went ahead and put me through trauma that almost killed me. I haven’t really been the same

Since and my identity is in shambles. I have no idea who I am right now or what I want or anything. I’m in survival mode from this and from all of the bad things that happened to me as a child. It feels like no matter how many times I try to get up again, someone is just waiting around the corner to hit me where it really hurts and I just feel f*cking done
 
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You are not alone in feeling this way. I feel like every time I get up some event knocks me back down. I have a good period of time and then bam. Sometimes I'm scared to get up because I don't want to just get hurt again. I have been through a few different therapists, but none of them were right for me. I have given up on healing and tried again and given up and tried again several times. It helps me to journal about my feelings so that they don't stay bottled up inside and I am about to start therapy again because I can't do this alone.

I know that a good therapist can help you process what happened to you and help you move forward in a positive direction. You shouldn't have to deal with all of this alone.

Sending you support on your journey. I hope you find healing.
 
You are not alone in feeling this way. I feel like every time I get up some event knocks me back down. I have a good period of time and then bam. Sometimes I'm scared to get up because I don't want to just get hurt again. I have been through a few different therapists, but none of them were right for me. I have given up on healing and tried again and given up and tried again several times. It helps me to journal about my feelings so that they don't stay bottled up inside and I am about to start therapy again because I can't do this alone.

I know that a good therapist can help you process what happened to you and help you move forward in a positive direction. You shouldn't have to deal with all of this alone.

Sending you support on your journey. I hope you find healing.
Thanks for writing. I'm sorry to hear that you can resonate as well :( Sometimes life is just really unfair, through no fault of our own. I hope we both find new healing.
 
hello snowangel. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. you are definitely not alone. that ominous dread of the next person, place or thing to knock be back to the cesspools i was raised in is a pervasive part of my over-developed survival instinct, along with that "certainty" that babies can be guilty of *deserving* the abysmal circumstances they were born into.
Sometimes life is just really unfair, through no fault of our own.
this is the radical acceptance which provided the launch pad for my recovery from child sex trafficking. mini me didn't deserve a life of child prostitution. geezer me (70) didn't deserve to bury her son and launch a second parenting career raising his 3 orphans. nor did i deserve the raw deals life dealt in between the extremes. sometimes life is just NFF (no f*cking fair).

it helps me to know i am not alone in the struggle. neither are you.

welcome aboard.
 
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