Exaggerating Self Blame

[seedling]

@ghotiff, And maybe sometimes being responsible for our emotions means getting some people out of our lives. Not possible to do as a child with your parents.

I just heard somewhat the same thing worded as being responsible for our own happiness. No matter what others do around us. It's up to us to arrange for what makes us happy.

 

[ghotiff]

I remember the first time I consciously put this into action. A typically friendly colleague started ignoring me (my calls and emails). I didn't know why and started to search for what I might have done wrong, then I realized that I didn't know why this change happened and I could choose to assume the worst (i.e. My fault and he was ignoring "me") OR I could decide that he got the promotion he was aiming for (or some similarly positive event) and that he was just too busy. Same physical outcome but emotionally a very different one.

 

[Tinyflame]

Hi @sun seeker , just a thought. If I possibly hear you correctly, you (may) feel your internal self or deficit may cause or be causing others harm or hurt, & being internal then it is your own responsibility to manage or eradicate. (And perhaps from the suffering & pain you've endured there being a great emphasis to not cause that to others).

I don't think so, in that if you care you won't as likely do so (cause harm). I do agree with @seedling & @ghotiff that others have their own filters, & that we are responsible for our own perceptions & feelings, & that perceptions potentially influence feelings greatly.

In the example above though in the absence of facts I wouldn't assume either positive or negative (that's just me though). However, in the presence of facts which do indicate the negative I would conclude the negative. In a sense, though perhaps undesirable, denying a negative for what it is or pretending otherwise is equally self-worth destroying & cognitively leads to further bad choices. That, however, @sun seeker , if it occurred for you, would not be your fault. You'd just have to choose where to go from there.

 

[sun seeker]

So many interesting directions here. Thank you everyone for all your thoughts. I started composing a reply and after several deletions had to admit my brain is tired after a long day and not putting impressions into words very efficiently. I'm going to have a busy day tomorrow and probably won't get to this for a day or two, but I am thinking about this thread and really appreciate everyone's contributions.

 

[Changing4Best]

I'll make plans to do something like lead a class of ladies who are trying to lose weight. I am working on losing weight too, but not nearly enough have I lost yet, and I have been working on this on and off since I was in my 50s, and I am in my 60s now. Yes, I lose it, then I gain some of it back, then I lose some more, but never enough to make me completely healthy, which is my goal. Yes, I am now within my BMI, and my doctor is pleased, but a las, I am not. I still have a huge gut and my waist size has not hardly gone down. My arms and legs and face have though. Maybe I will be doomed to have a fat gut FOREVER! Well, maybe not when I get to Heaven though, thank the Lord Jesus for that. Oh, and the weight I have lost, it is because He helped me to lose it. without His help, I weighed 195. I weigh 141 now and I am 5'7' in height, USA weight system.

So, when I think of leading this group of ladies to lose some weight, I doubt that I'll be a good leader. I fear that I'll be a lousy one, even if I do lose some more weight. That is all because I just simply don't trust my leadership abilities.