Exhaustion After Work

[seekinghelpfromhell]

I have a very high level, high stress job. I'm proud of myself for getting the job and my therapist tells me I am very good at my job but I don't feel that way. Every meeting, every interaction leaves me feeling unsure of myself and awkward. A big part of the job is problem solving with people and I keep thinking to myself, how can I solve problems for other people when I,can't even help myself?

I do have a very long commute (1 hour each way), and I'm a salaried employee, which means that many of my days are longer than 8 hours. Sometimes the amount of energy imexpend trying to keep my PTSD and anxiety under control at work is utterly exhausting. Sometimes I just about fall asleep on my drive home, and have come close to getting into accidents.

When I get home, I just get in to bed and fall asleep until my spouse wakes me up with a plate of dinner, which I eat, then get ready for bed and fall back asleep until the next day. It's no way to live, I'll say that. I guess what this post is really about is how angry my spouse gets,about how I fall asleep before and after dinner. I know she probably wants to interact with me, but I can't right now. And I'd like very much for,her to understand and show compassion instead of being angry and judgemental. I've asked her to read up on these conditions I've been diagnosed with, and she just won't.

Does anyone else have the exhaustion problem or spouse problem? I'm at a loss and am at the point where I feel like my home is no longer a safe space for me to retreat to at the end of my day. Any advice?

 

[Freedomfighter]

I know exactly how bad the mental exhaustion is. When I got PTSD I was with someone that disregarded the trauma I went through and it was only until later that I found out that my ex spouse was one of the people that introduced the same trauma into my life.

PTSD is tough to handle and I have reached a rather radical view now, what good is it to have someone that is not willing to help?
I know I trust myself, I have awesome capabilities and I know that no one that can not stand up to such standards will ever be in my life.

 

[EveHarrington]

A few things-----

It sounds like you're meeting the challenges of a stressful job, and that's great!

But also------stress takes its toll on our lives. This may not be what you want to hear, but I think your wife has a right to be upset. I would be quite upset myself if I had a partner who was unavailable 5 days a week. I don't think sort of situation is conducive to a healthy relationship. Should she try to learn more about your condition? Absolutely! But at the end of the day, if you have no time for her, is it fair to be in a relationship with her?

We have PTSD. We are more susceptible to stress. Maybe you'll get used to this job and won't sleep so much, and maybe you won't. If your sleep/work/sleep/work schedule doesn't change, you'll have to decide if this is the sort of life you want to live.

I very recently discovered the type of work environment that suits me. Is it high profile? Is it what I envisioned myself doing? Is it going to make me rich? No-----none of the above. But what matters is that I've found a job that lets me enjoy the rest of my life and doesn't make my health go downhill. I kid you not------all of the "not just fast-food" jobs that I've had stressed me out so bad that I wouldn't sleep----kinda crazy. I finally realized after a LOT of struggling that my work environment is crucial to my health. (As an aside, I've had insomnia for many years. I've tried almost everything, I've seen specialists. My sleep isn't going to get much better at this point I realize and drugging myself into oblivion isn't an option.) I am working on building my own business.

Sorry for going on and on, but my point is that while work is important, if you have to sacrifice the rest of your life, your relationships------it's not worth the cost. An end of life poll found that most people wished they hadn't worked so hard (and that was for pre-baby boomers so I wonder what subsequent generations will say at the end of life given that so much has changed.)

 

[mamachick]

Hang in there.....this is new for you....let your wife know that this is part of the newness as well and won't last forever.

 

[MoonGoddessHeart]

I just recently posed a thread about work stress and how it causes me stressors so badly I lash out at my partner during the week. This ultimately puts into a full blown trigger every week... I mean dissociation, hyper-vigilance,rage... You name it. Like Eve Harrington, I've accepted I'll never be able to work a high-profile job because I'd rather work somewhere with less stress to save my relationship from abuse. And so I have more time to heal my wounds. However, if you're financially supporting a family that is hard. I've recently looked into remote jobs and before giving my two weeks notice at my job currently seeing if they value me enough to let me work from home. It might help.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

WELCOME TO THE FORUM!!! You will find compassion and understanding here.

I am curious...do you snore? If you do, ask your spouse if you ever stop breathing for a few extra seconds? You may have sleep apnea. I only ask because of the almost falling asleep at the wheel.

I have it, and now I handle things better, and I don't get sleepy at the wheel anymore.
Just a thought.

Your spouse REALLY needs to be supportive of your work. You respect their job I assume.

Blessings and prayers coming your way, from one PTSD survivor to another!
AKJ

 

[Nevermore]

Hello @seekinghelpfromhell
Welcome! have you considered taking the train to and from work? I could not work those long hours plus an hour commute each way either. Sounds utterly utterly exhausting - even without PTSD I would have found that too much!
I commute to my job and I have to say the train time is a bit relaxing for me. You can read a book, listen to music, have a nap, or just look out the window.
It might make all the difference both in your job and your relationship to just have that time out.
I see people meditating on the train too - that's beyond me! But I like seeing people do it.
Commuting is underrated!!

 

[Tinyflame]

I understand. But also, your spouse is ending up 'widowed' (metaphorically speaking) by your physical & emotional depletion.

It's a great accomplishment- & thank God for what I presume is a substantial salary (because struggling does not make life easier or reduce stress, rather adds fear & traps one with less options & less help). But.. and.. no one ever died saying they wish they worked harder. I assume it's not worth losing your marriage, & for most people not worth losing their health. It can be a form of self-medicating too, I slept really well putting in 60 hours/ week, I couldn't think when unconscious.

Is there a happy medium?

 

[Nevermore]

We all have a different idea of what a relationship means etc etc but in my books your needing to sleep wouldn't be taken personally.
But everyone expects different things from a partner - nothing's right or wrong, only in the context of ur relationship

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I know I trust myself, I have awesome capabilities and I know that no one that can not stand up to such standards will ever be in my life.

AWESOME STATEMENT!!! I can't say that and I've be in therapy for YEARS!!! You WILL succeed with that attitude! I agree, if you can take a train, it would allow you some time to "change gears'. That could make a HUGE difference!

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

You are wise to get another job that doesn't stress you out. It isn't worth your health, ALL aspects of your health. Getting well, and maintaining a positive relationship is MUCH MORE IMPORTANT!

 

[seekinghelpfromhell]

Thanks to you all. The train or any type of public transport is out of the question. I live in a very rural area and no train or bus comes here - hence, the long commute. I have to go to the city for my job. I could drive to the outer edge and take public transport from there, but that would take even longer. The job pays substantially well, which is why I'm reluctant to leave and why finding a similar position close to my home is impossible as well.

I get why my spouse feels abandoned, but even with my diagnoses, she doesn't really believe them and has an expectation that I should come home and work around the house more. If I don't, she resorts to yelling (which I can't stand), insulting, and making me feel guilty. I feel like I'm a terrible person, that I can't keep up with it all, and I don't know how to explain to her...