Exhaustion After Work

[AngelKeeperJ]

:hug::hug: (((I hope you don't mind a few (((hugs))):hug::hug: It's obvious that you are doing your best! People who yell, are REALLY hard to live with. For me, anxiety has made me very sensitive to sounds, so LOUD sounds cause an actual physical reaction! As in, a REAL pain in the neck!

Does she know that she is pushing you more and more towards the "edge" of sanity, and that it's kind of unpredictable what may occur if you are pushed too hard? You are NOT a terrible person, you are in a TERRIBLE situation, and you just CAN'T make everyone happy without eventually harming your health....physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. She's is "cutting the core" of who you are!

If she benefits from your income, she needs to know that she is jeopardizing that, if she continues to badger you after you have had full days of mental pressure. What she is doing is abusive...and I am SO VERY SORRY that she doesn't believe that your PTSD affects ALL of you!

Here's a couple more hugs....:hug: :hug: Hugs are good for the soul! I hope they are acceptable!

 

[EveHarrington]

If she refuses to try to understand, there's nothing you can do TBH. Someone with a closed mind won't change.

 

[seekinghelpfromhell]

Thanks to you all for your suggestions and support. Here's the thing...sleep apnea, no - I've looked into it before. My spouse is the one that encouraged me and wants me to work at this job because of the prestige and money. I enjoy the money myself. I'm counting down to,retirement...13 years. When I suggested I could perhaps retire earlier because of the increase in salary, she told me no way. Moving closer isn't really an option because she works locally. Plus I like where I live and living in the city is a big trigger for me.

I appreciate those of you who understand how exhausting it is. I simply just can't do anything but go to bed. If she thinks I want to live this way...???

I've asked her to please read about my conditions. She promised me at the end of an intensive conversation, yet never has. I'm just at a loss. I love my wife. I don't want to lose my relationship or end up turning my life upside down. We've been married for 17 years, jeez. I just don't know how to make her understand and if she doesn't want to listen to me, to read from experts. Or talk to an expert. Or recognize that it's even a real thing!

I also am a highly sensitive person, something she also does not understand or care to know about. Lots of things bother me to the nth degree - light, smells, and particularly noise. I've had to talk myself off the ledge of panic attacks repeatedly in my new job at conferences when everyone starts talking in an echo-y room. Last time it happened, I nearly called her for help but I was afraid I would start crying and never be able to stop.

By the way, the new job is about a year old. The older job was the same commute, but my mental wellness didn't catch up,with me until about a year into that job when I lost my beloved dog, then had some physical health problems and surgeries. And, I'm a middle aged woman, so...

I called I sick today, and I can't keep doing that. I've got to find a solution. I'm taking meds to help but my dr. Wants me off them because of their addictive qualities...

 

[Iamsensative]

Thank you for your post @seekinghelpfromhell. I understand your problem, i am personally in the same situation. I am in a new job with the same commute its exhausting and its heavy duty stress. Can you work from home any days? I have found that does help me. My spouse doesnt quite get it and sometimes becomes frustrated with me and sometimes yes the yelling starts or worse yet the walk on egg shells feeling that sends me into panic, like a child, not knowing what or when the explosion was going to happen. I have left jobs because of stress, not the right way, i broke down. Its happened 3 times to me and i really have to be aware of my own personal health, i have learned that i alone am responsible for that. I see my therapist weekly, i dont think i could do this if i didnt. So please make sure you are getting the positive support you need. Hold on, Be well.

 

[seekinghelpfromhell]

Hi iamsensative,

Thanks for your reply (and to everyone else too). I'm doing a little better today, but because I'm not at work. Being at home with my pets is comforting to me, I wish I could take them everywhere with me (and before anyone asks, no my work will not allow an emotional support animal, as it is not an ADA requirement, but if your job would, I would suggest it).

I'm sorry you are also going through the same issue, but it's good to know I'm not the only one in the world feeling this way. I saw my Dr. yesterday and inquired about the regular dizziness, buzzing/zapping in my head, and general clumsiness that I often experience. We already went through a whole cardiology workup because of my palpitations, but of course, it didn't really show anything because the problem is mental not physical. My Dr. offered to send me to a neurologist but didn't think they would really do anything for me. She at least partially refilled my meds, so I'm functioning better (but I'm obsessing over fear of running out), and this week was so bad for me I had to see my therapist twice. I felt stupid having to set up a second appointment because shouldn't I be able to make it one week? It makes me feel helpless and incompetent at life.

I don't know what the answer is to the job situation. I don't even feel qualified for my job and sometimes feel like a fraud, like eventually people are going to figure out my secrets or what's happened to me or what I've done to hurt myself, and then they will judge me. My boss asked me why I don't visit with the office staff that much, and I had to explain that there are some days it's hard for me to get to work, and having to interact is just exhausting for me. It terrible to have to work under these conditions.

I hope your conditions get better and maybe you don't have the same restrictions on your life that I do. I feel that my home should be my safe space (and yours), so having a lot of conflict there makes it seem like there's nowhere safe to go, you know? Maybe you could ask your spouse for a "safe room", and when you go in there with the door shut it just means you need alone time. That would eliminate some of the yelling, maybe...

Again, thanks for sharing your situation. I'm going to go hug my dog now!