Expressing yourself or complaining?

[Tanishq]

what ever friendships I had in that time period went there own way.

I understand and I am hearing you why you felt one sided friendship.

:hug:

no good experience in interaction in a social setting it makes it hard to connect and express my option.

aka, you know sometimes you don't need knowledge to be friend someone. you need heart of friendship. that's enough. Some people are crazy and they set standards, this and that. I don't care. I care about heart part. If that is in, no matter what the situation no one can break apart your friendship.

 

[Tanishq]

so they don't let anyone else express anything that isn't "positive". If you do, your feelings are instantly invalidated and dismissed and you are then shamed for not just keeping it all in.

Philipia, Sometimes people forget that they have incarnated as human on this universe and they have to deal with duality of positivity and negativity. Both are within you and some circumstances might make you feel negative for a while. That doesn't mean person is complaining or whining on purpose.

I don't like people who give up someone when they are struggling so much. They try to look so strong, but in fact they are weak.

 

[Tanishq]

ver worry about kind of 'getting back' to a post, or feel you HAVEE to reply or there are nameless hoards out here ready to do dreadful things involving peanut butter and mini-marshmallows to an effigy of yourself ( replacing the whole 'tar and feather' specter of days gone by ).

Anni, you're very sweet. Just this thought was running in my mind while replying to aka. I was telling myself I have to take 30 mins to reply someone. Sometimes I might need to take days.

 

[anni]

Hee, take months, no one minds. I've noticed with HORROR, once in awhile that I never answered some post from foreverandeverandever ago. I'll go over there, spend 5 paragraphs spilling my guts, apologise in all the languages I know plus make a few up, sweat bullets, worry and have angst... the reply will always, always come back ' No worries' and one of the smiley icons. I have a few too many posts to go track one down as example, just trust me, we've all been there. If you think about it, it means there are just an awful lot of really NICE people here.

 

[intothelight]

I think that expressing yourself is perfectly normal and healthy. It is letting people know how you feel, what you want, or what you need. I haven't met a real mind reader yet, and if I don't share these things in a relationship, then I have no right to expect that anyone will be able to know or understand.

Complaining is complicated. If it can't be resolved, but there are some emotions that need to be expressed, I'll let someone know that I am venting. For example, frustration over a computer crash. No one can replace what was lost, and no one is responsible, but sharing the frustration is healthy. I don't think complaining constantly is healthy. If I find myself in "complaint" mode, I need to seriously look at why I am feeling that way and deal with the underlying negativity or issue.

To me whining is just negative emotional manipulation. Getting someone to do something you want them to by making them "feel" bad. If I walk around and whine about how "tired" I am, then I leave a confusing message. If I am tired and let someone know that I am too tired to fix dinner, and would they please cook or pick something up, then I have expressed how I am feeling and what I need.

But honestly all of this is pretty new. It took me a long time to learn to say anything about me and a while to learn how to express it properly. Just because someone doesn't listen or agree doesn't mean that what I feel or said doesn't have any value. They may just not agree. If they are dismissive, then they are not worth my time or emotional investment. I guess at some point, I started to learn to validate my own feelings, needs, and wants, and that takes away the fear of expressing them or the need for others to validate them.

Just my .02.

 

[Tanishq]

I haven't met a real mind reader yet, and if I don't share these things in a relationship, then I have no right to expect that anyone will be able to know or understand.

You hit the nail on the head.

People expect loved ones to be mind readers. :laugh: This is also part of neglecting others. But this all happens unconsciously and remains forever in their mind. Well, they have right to keep expecting all the time.

Society doesn't want to hear when someone is letting out their honest emotions once in ages and they tell relationships didn't grew. :laugh: More over they want honesty,too. :hilarious: When we are being honest with them, they don't like it. Why?:roflmao:

Yes, everyone has right to express their emotions and they can be heard.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I think your inner critic is powerful because of the way you were raised and anytime you think of something that legitimizely disturbs you it must really kick you around. I feel for you. You are a human being and will not like things and will have normal negative thoughts about them.

I hope you can do battle against your inner critic that wants you to be positive about everything. I am so sad that you grew up that way. I really feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I am wishing you the best. Hugs.

 

[Thinkingman85]

I've had the "succeed at all costs" mentality until it finally caught up with me. I didn't talk about my parents unexpected deaths and tried to go on living a normal life. It worked for a certain amount of years, but I struggle with this every day. I think you have a right to complain even if you think it is doing no good. Complaining can actually help you run into things that you weren't aware of. It's only natural for an unresolved problem to involve some complaining. I see it as another form of trying to solve it. Don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[anni]

Now this thread is making me smile. Where else but in a PTSD meeting house do you find people requiring permission to be kind, especially to themselves. :)

 

[aka]

I understand and I am hearing you why you felt one sided friendship.

:hug:

Thanks, it is good to know someone who understands.:happy:

aka, you know sometimes you don't need knowledge to be friend someone. you need heart of friendship. that's enough. Some people are crazy and they set standards, this and that. I don't care. I care about heart part. If that is in, no matter what the situation no one can break apart your friendship.

Nicely said, I agree completely and have been trying to find a friendship like that. It seems at least for me that it is very hard to find such a relationship. I do socialize a bit with people at school but I am always guarded, afraid of showing them the "PTSD "side of me. Anyway I really wish people could just get over the social misconceptions and or standards and instead get to know the actually person and not the illusion they perceive.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Aka that was so right on what you had to say. I have to guard against relationships that are nothing but illusion. The power to hurt people is to real a danger to me. It seems like everytime I let my guard down and relax I get jumped on. Codependence is rampant. It causes alot of problems. Unless the person is working on themselves they have a tendancy to do damage. I hope this makes sense. Thank you for saying what you did. Thank you so much. I needed to hear this one today.

 

[99Phoenix99]

Complaining can actually help you run into things that you weren't aware of. It's only natural for an unresolved problem to involve some complaining. I see it as another form of trying to solve it. Don't be too hard on yourself.

That actually really puts my mind at ease.

I have noticed that the more I've started to share on this site the more thoughts and feelings of unresolved feelings seem to pop out of no where. But I suppose that's a good thing, I can find new things to address.