Eye Contact

[notsurewheretoturn]

Yep! Especially when I'm answering questions about myself. I tend to almost focus on a nearby object and steal glances at who I'm speaking to.

I also worry about whether they think i'm being honest, but maybe it's more of a subconscious issue that I worry I'm being honest with myself about what I'm doing and how I'm feeling. Just a thought and not sure if I'm making sense here.

 

[desiderata310]

This made me laugh (empathetically). It so resonates. I think it does have to do with not only being in charge, but feeling in charge. How to shift that to other parts of our lives is a tough one

That is a conundrum.
I know it's fear and shame based.

 

[desiderata310]

@notsurewheretoturn
I think you may have something there. I told.. or rather tried to tell once. I was dismissed, written off, called a liar. It took me twenty years to address it again. Half a lifetime to get over not being believed. That does stuff to you. I assume that I will not be believed.

 

[notsurewheretoturn]

Same here. Even when it was obvious and there were other victims, my ordeal was just forgotten, it was almost as if I didn't exist.

I usually say that I grew up with indifference, but that doesn't even begin to explain it.

The loniest place can be a full house.

 

[Seagreen]

Wow there are some great Suggestions here. Thanks to you all for help.

 

[illusionist]

I am hard of hearing so really need to read lips to aid in understanding a lot of people in conversation.....looking into their eyes I have problems with. Try looking at their lips...instead of their eyes, you may feel a bit more comfortable.

 

[ccks]

I had a professor in college who couldn't maintain eye contact. He was a really nice professor, probably a few years older than me. He just could not look me in the eye when he talked to me. I didn't even think that he may have PTSD and eye contact intimated him. Maybe he didn't have it, but I definitely have compassion for people who may not adhere to all social interaction niceties. I understand people have vastly different life experiences and that affects them in unique ways. I think people will be sympathetic with you because eye contact can be intimidating at times, even without PTSD symptoms.

 

[Ellabella44]

Yes! its really bad when im anxious. I am lucky to have found an environment where I volunteer that helps me with this. I disclosed that I have ptsd and may repeat myself or loose eye contact etc and that im working on it. The cat rescue i volunteer for has a rental space in a pet food store and well im pretty much the human skittish cat if i get anxous talking to one of the owners there. So they are patient with me.

 

[ccks]

Aw cats are awesome. They are a lot like humans and sometimes humans are a lot like cats. Even cats don't maintain eye contact when they're stared at because it's a sign of dominance or aggression. Animals are compassionate towards all sorts of people, but there are many people who are compassionate, too.

 

[Seagreen]

I have 2 older cats. One we have had since she was a kitten, the other since about 3 years of age (estimated). He just started hanging around our house to start with and eventually we decided to ‘keep him’. I have no idea about his past but he seems to show symptoms of trauma. He is afraid of doorways, has compulsive behaviors, very submissive and avoids eye contact. Our other cat will quite happily stare us down anytime.

 

[shell]

I still struggle with eye contact, although I have improved alot. My mother used to scream at me to get that look off my face, or she would give me something to really cry about.

I have got better at looking at those closest to me, and my boss. In therapy I struggle to focus on her face, but I am getting better as I become more aware, and try harder. Shame really triggers me into avoidance.

 

[Ellabella44]

My mother used to scream at me to get that look off my face, or she would give me something to really cry about. .

wow that sounds familiar. Why anyone would think that was something to say to a child who is already frightened of them, i just dont understand it. How can you want someone to love you when you spend time scaring them? I understand why i have the eye contact problem, but im frustrated with it and why i have it. It does help that others have this too and that there has been improvement.