General F*ing Facebook!

[Slw4789]

Let me start by saying I absolutely hate Facebook! I'm not really sure if this is a question or I just need to vent. My sufferer has been in isolation for 2 weeks now but it seems to only be from me, on his Facebook page it looks like he is leading his normal life and nothing is wrong. He never posts anything personal but will post things about going to the gym(every day!), post what songs he is listening to at the gym, things having to do with his football team on game day, and some other memes, etc. I unfollowed him because I couldn't stand to see his posts seeming so normal but then I couldn't stop myself from going to look at his page anyway. Finally my anxiety got out if control so i deactivated my account(therapist recommended). I guess what I am trying to say is how can he seem so normal and happy on facebook when he has isolated himself from me? Does it not bother him that we are apart? Is he happier that way? I guess I just feel like he has moved on and is happy when I see those posts and it tears me apart. I know other people have mentioned their sufferers being on social media and that it is like an alternate reality, an escape from real life, it just hurts to see that and because of my anxiety disorder and past experiences I am constantly thinking what ifs, second guessing everything and thinking the worst.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am lost. People see things posted on facebook as a depiction of what is really going on in a persons life? People judge a person's mental status by facebook? This isn't meant to be rude but harsh. Don't you think that is completely ignorant and insensitive to base how a person is doing on facebook?

Facebook is not real, it is an illusion.

 

[Slw4789]

I guess I am thinking in my standpoint that I don't post anything on facebook that isn't real, my moods included. I guess in the back of my mind i know other people dont do that but i am a very honest person so it is hard for me to think that way. I try to think of it as not real but it is hard when my anxiety is up and I am afraid of him not coming back. I am very insecure too so I am constantly thinking the worst.

 

[Fadeaway]

I understand how it would be easy for you to feel that way, but there is a reason it is nicknamed fakebook.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Really, if you think about it, memes, songs, sports stuff, and gym check ins aren't deep emotional issues.

You know it's your anxiety logically. I have GAD too, and I know how it screws with your head... But you have said twice you know that's what it is. Trust yourself girl.

 

[Friday]

For myself I'm really happy to see sufferers I know (esp ones I love and know are doing badly or under a lot of stress) posting on social media.

First off, they're alive. Or were at time of writing it.

Secondly, they're at least making a token effort to connect with the outside world. Sometimes even that is too much. Spending 10 minutes -out of 18 to 24 hours- in a highly formalized environment with no real-time involvement is token -at best- but at least it's something.

Thirdly, posting consistently is a routine (yay!), even better when it's about a routine (yes!), but better still when it's about something that is self-care instead of self-destructive (hell yes!).

...

The alternatives? They've gone radio silent? (Oh f*ck.) Or are posting things that make me fear for them? ( :banghead: f*ckf*ckf*ck ) Bad juju.

 

[Slw4789]

In my mind I know is is my GAD making me think irrationally but what set me off is those emotion things you can post that say feeling...and you put whatever you are feeling, he put that he was feeling blessed, accomplished, and confident, didn't say anything else. Like I said I worry about everything and always think the worst so it feels like he is better without me. Working on these things with my therapist but for right now I can't help but feel that way.

 

[Ronin]

First off, they're alive. Or were at time of writing it.

Whole of it, and: They're healthy & safe enough in some respect they can post. That's good news :D

 

[EveHarrington]

Maybe he's poking his head out into the world to look around and see if it's ok to come out? Maybe social interaction behind a screen is all that he can handle? Maybe social media is a safe first step into coming out from isolation?

I say this because this is where I am right now. I can interact online as long as it's not serious, there are no demands put upon me, and I can come and go as I please. If someone judged my online activity as a basis for how I'm functioning overall, they'd be very far off.

Yes, I am doing the same sorts of things; I'm also going out and interacting in public. The people I see don't know me that well so it's easy to fudge my way through it all and pretend everything is great.

Please try not to believe everything you see of him online as a true reflection of reality. He's letting small slivers of himself show through but those slivers, in my opinion, are only the best sides of himself right now. Most of him, the struggles he's going through, he's keeping them well hidden. And, guys are much more prone to segmenting their lives. One part can be going to heck in a hand basket but he may not show even the slightest sign of stress to co-workers or gym buddies.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

The person my husband portrays on Facebook is somewhat different to the person who calls his parents and his daughter daily.

Both of those can be similar to, or totally different from, the man I live with. I love them all.

As others have said above, don't pay attention to what he is posting; it could be completely superficial. But do take heart that he is posting. He is still fighting to reach out, albeit in a low-risk, less personally revealing, less pressured way.

 

[Slw4789]

I am glad that he is posting and reaching out i just wish he would reach out to me too. I am the only person he is isolating from and it hurts, I haven't seen him in 2 weeks and haven't talked to him in over a week. I am afraid to contact him because 1 week after he left, before I learned about ptsd and that i shouldn't contact him while his isolating, I called him and started asking questions if he loved me, etc. he got angry and said it made his head spin and pushed him away more. I don't want to push him away more it just really hurts that I am the only one he is doing this to.

 

[Mytime]

I think I understand alittle,what your feeling. My husband comes home from work,hugs and kisses his kids.says he missed them. He used to do the same with me. Now I get hi how was your day. It can make you feel unsafe, insecure and hurt like hell .But what I'm starting to learn is feeling safe and secure has to come from you.