Falling out during session.

[FauxLiz]

I am working with my t to ready myself to go inpatient after the first of the year. We have been working together for 3 1/2 years as of late he seems to be saying things that make me feel as though I have done something wrong to be doing individual therapy when it really doesn't work. Then during our session this morning it felt like he was firing me as a client. Normally if I felt that things did not go well in session I would email him but this time a combination of fear, pain and anger are keeping me from reaching out. I have never walked out on him while he is still talking to me. I have also never walked out of his office alone until this morning he has always walked me to the waiting room door but I wanted out before anything happened that made me more upset or that the conversation turned to my fear and he said that we were done.

 

[Emotional girl]

I think it is really important to discuss how you are feeling with your T either by email or in your next session especially if you are feeling low.
I know when I am feeling low I take all the negatives out of a session and let them ruminate in my head and that makes me feel even worse and it is like a cycle.
A few weeks ago I thought I had a really bad session with my T and I told him on serveral occasions that I wanted to go home and that I didn
The next week we discussed the session and ever since our relationship has been really good

Sorry posted before I finished.
Therapists are not mind reader's and they need to know when we are feeling low and anxious and how a session has affected us.
It sounds like you are having a difficult time at the moment and it sounds like you need the support of your T and you need to let them know that.
Wishing you all the best.

 

[FauxLiz]

@Emotional girl this wasn't just a bad session. There is an issue we disagree on significantly that really seems to bother him. I have a medication that I take as rescue med for another medical condition. He feels that this medication is detrimental to my ptsd healing and would like to see me off of it. As a result early on in our work I withdrew consent for t to speak to my medical doctors. The issue came up again this morning as we were discussing inpatient and the likelihood that they will modify my medications. I stated that because of that I wouldn't let the inpatient facility have permission to speak to my medical doctors either. That upset him and he once again began talking about the limitations of the therapy that we do to a point it felt as though he was saying that once I leave for inpatient he is done with me.

I felt like he was firing me as a patient because I don't always agree with what he thinks is good for me. I also know that he is stepping back from seeing very many patients because his practice is growing significantly. When we first started working together he had been in solo practice in the community for 8 months and was still struggling to keep things going. Since then I have stayed through three office moves, the opening of a second location and the addition of eight more therapists.

I know I should chalk what I am feeling up to being scared and nervous about inpatient but I am really struggling with how to make him understand that this is something that really hurt me.

 

[EveHarrington]

Really, your T does not have a medical degree, so he should keep his yap shut!

 

[FauxLiz]

@EveHarrington thank you! I think that I sometimes forget that he doesn't have a medical degree because I call him Dr. due to his doctorate in Psychology (not Psychiatry). I will try to remember that when it comes up again.

 

[Freida]

I wonder if he is worried about addiction? It seems odd that he would want to talk to your medical doctors. Have you asked him why he thinks your medication is a risk to ptsd treatment? It might be you have gotten to the point where you are both talking AT each other rather than TO each other??

 

[FauxLiz]

@Freida he i worried about addiction because it is a scheduled med and one that I have been on as a rescue med for nearly 20 years. I would walk away from it if any of the nearly 100 different doctors and specialist could find something else to help my condition. I have tried surgeries, procedures, injections, holistic treatments, and so many different medications I have a notebook that lists the med, all name variations, side effects, length of efficacy, and why I was taken off the medication so that I don't have to repeat them. The med that we disagree on doesn't work as well as it used to but it helps more than any other thing the doctors have tried which is why I am not willing to let him convince my medical doctors that it is bad for me. The sad thing is that it is not even a schedule 2 med its a schedule 4.

 

[scout86]

To me, it didn't seem odd that he'd want to talk to your doctors at all. He's got some concerns. Sounds like they are legitimate. It also sounds like you don't have a better option. He probably wants to hear that from your doctor. Not saying he didn't trust you or believe you, but, especially if he's worried about addiction, he'd probably like to get the facts from someone who DOES have an M.D. if your regular doctors are 100% sure there's not a better choice, THEY can tell the other folks that and it should end the discussion.

 

[Freida]

I have one of those...med doc monitors it fairly closely. Before I started emdr my t told me I had to agree to rules about using it. Mostly I cant use it after a session because it would stop the processing. Not always easy to do!! I wonder if he's concerned along those lines? That it is interfering specifically with your sessions?

 

[Supervixn]

Yeah idk...

Sounds like if he were "done" with you, it's because he's feeling like you're being resistant to help and he would be wasting his time. He sounds frustrated.

Idk what med you take but he may have a solid point you weren't hearing.... what do you think? Is there something he was conveying that you might've missed in the power struggle moment about meds?

 

[FauxLiz]

@scout86 I have had well meaning doctors take me off this med in the past. After several ER visits because the pain was so bad I hadn't kept anything down in a couple days, dealing with equally well meaning doctors who recommended that I have the offending part amputated (that being my head) and undergoing brain surgery which also didn't help I am not willing to have another well meaning doctor convince anyone that I need to stop the med again so that I can live a more "authentic" life.

@Freida I only take this med when things are unbearable. It is truly a rescue med because I take it when I am at a point that I am in a dark, quiet room curled in bed hoping for any relief.

@Supervixn I understand that he may be frustrated but we have been working together long enough to know that we are not wasting each other's time. There are things that I am resistant to and we have slowly worked through a lot of them that is the reason that I am going to do an inpatient stay after the first of the year. Could I have missed something in the power struggle definitely, that doesn't change though the fact that he knows I have to have an outpatient therapist before I can go inpatient so that I have someone to return to and now he seems to be hinting that he believes I should try a different modality and it wouldn't be with him. For all that we have gone through to get to this point not having him as a t to return to after inpatient scares me even more than going inpatient.

 

[EveHarrington]

If you want to continue taking that med, do NOT allow your therapist to talk to your doctors! I couldn’t be more serious about this. You have no idea what your therapist will say to your doctor that could cause your doctor to take away this script. It is NOT your job to give your therapist unfettered access to your medical doctors in order to be ok with treating you while you use this drug. If you want to use this drug, it is your decision and he needs to accept that, period.

IMHO your therapist is crossing boundaries. I would lay down these boundaries. Tell him you appreciate his concern but this is a non-negotiable. It is NOT his job to put the rest of your health at risk just so you can heal your PTSD. Hell, I have a drug which some therapists think is controversial but they didn’t go to med school, they didn’t go through residency, and they most certainly do not know what’s best for me outside of therapy.