Family Reunion - help?

[blackemerald1]

I've got a family reunion to go to very, very soon and I am quite anxious about it. So anxious I am scrambling around for viable excuses to not go. If I do not turn up I will be condemned by my immediate family and I will 'disappoint' my elderly parents.... again!

On the one hand I should go. My family is a large clan and we are spread all over the country, people are coming from everywhere, even abroad. I live um...five minutes from the venue.

I should go because this might be the last time I meet any of them again.

I should go because my father might become overwhelmed and need a hand to cope.

I should go because it's the right thing to do. And I like doing the right thing.. ugh.

I should be able to go because I am a grown up and I belong to this mob - somehow. But I don't feel like I belong at all.

It's been 30 years since the last one and I didn't get invited to that one. :meh: But then again, they might not have known where to send the invite.. Idk and it's too long ago to worry about.

On the other hand I feel like I cannot go because...

I have a problem with meeting people I haven't met before and there will tonnes of them.

I don't want to answer questions about who I am, what I do, where I live. I will probably stuff it all up... I can see it now... cringe...
I don't feel confident about any of the disclosure stuff that happens at these events. I don't want to be evaluated and appraised. I want to be invisible and that isn't going to happen at this reunion.

I feel incredibly self-conscious about how I look and whether I will present ok. That's a problem all of it's own..

My ability to handle large gatherings anywhere is very much compromised now (ptsd) and this is setting off alarms I cannot quieten.

I know if I don't go - I will regret it. I know if I do go I will regret it the moment I walk in and I will probably slink away quietly after making a fool of myself... more cringing....

If I don't go I need a really good excuse and I will lie if necessary so creative hats on please! lol

Anyone - please give me tips, suggestions and/or opinions about how to go and feel okay or, not go and feel okay? I'm open to both because I cannot make a decision..

Thanks in advance..

 

[ILoveLife]

Good grief, just knowing about such event would throw me out of the loop for weeks on end, I don't envy you.

Bad things about it... You'll probably have to speak about yourself. You'll probably have to mingle a bit.

Good things.. your dad will be so distracted he won't even need you.
You can attach yourself to one person you like and talk their ears off for the entire thing. You might even find a partner for making kumbuncha or whatever it's called :)
You can invent a life of your choosing, no need to tell them the truth :P Act a part, have fun, don't take family too seriously.

I think you'll be okay! And you can always leave early, since it's so close to your house.

 

[blackemerald1]

You might even find a partner for making kumbunch

^^:hilarious: Yes! there has to be something good happening out of all of this!! lol

no need to tell them the trut

^^I know... but what if I get caught out?

don't take family too seriously

^^I'm trying so hard to keep some perspective.. :banghead: to myself!

such event would throw me out of the loop for weeks on end,

^^It's been doing that - I have known about it for oh...three or four months...and now it's almost here aargh!

probably have to speak about yourself. You'll probably have to mingle a bit.

^^I know... I am panicking about all of that... not good...not good at all!

Thanks @Sietz :hug:

 

[ILoveLife]

:roflmao: you can make a game out of it. Invent a different story to every person, and then say "Don't believe anyone's stories about me, I'm a woman of mistery!" :P

Ok now seriously, I think it's going to be okay, everyone is probably freaking out about it a bit - no one really enjoys this things before hand and then get home afterwards and say "Meh, it wasn't so bad" :)

 

[Sideways]

If you’re going to regret not going? Then you go.

Give yourself permission to leave as soon as you get there. Knowing you tried? Is plenty good enough.

Any time that you decide to hang around for, even if it’s just 5 minutes - that’s all bonus.

You don’t need to go along and be brilliant. It sounds like all you really need is to know “I gave it a shot”. That’s the best that any of us can do.

 

[blackemerald1]

Thanks @Sideways - I'm thinking if I do go....I could,
Arrive late!
Get a glass of wine so I look like everyone else, don't drink it and not let any one person clock me with eye contact.. lol If they do... emergency action.... veer left as if I am searching for someone else? Walk away.
Do a circuit of the room so parents & other's see me and then.. leave early.

But no... I think that headache I am getting is getting worse and worse. :unsure: :sorry:

How do you handle family or large gatherings?

 

[gealach]

didn't you just get back from a 6 month tour as a penguin researcher in Antarctica???? and boy are you jet lagged, so you can't stay long.

Did you know there's only 2 penguin species in Antarctica? the rest are found throughout the Southern Hemisphere. Did you know that penguins pant like dogs to lower their body temp? and the color of penguin poop changes depending on what they eat? If they eat krill, their poop is pink. If they eat fish, it's white. I have so many interesting facts about penguin poop, I could talk for hours about penguin poop. How's your hor d'oeuvres? Oh, no one wants to talk about penguin poop while eating finger sandwiches... that means you can leave.

 

[ms spock]

Can you take a camera and be a "photographer'?

Or could you take a 'family history book' and walk around getting eveyrone to sign the book, and write a comment, so later generations have a record of the occasion?

Can you take a support person who can run interference with difficult people?

Can you play with the small children? Or organise party games for them?

Can you take photos of the past and ask the people in them to explain the events/circumstances so you can record them?

Can you just move around the gathering on high rotation so that you don't get caught up in conversations?

 

[blackemerald1]

I LOVE penguin poop! How intriguing
Gosh I hope none of my extended family have done the Antarctica thing. We are a bunch of roamers...
But IF I go that is what I will be - Penguin poo researcher lol... No... assistant P.P R. because then I don't have to remember anything much. I can say I collect it for the scientists! :hilarious:

I probably look like the stereotypical mad sciency sort of woman who would commit to 6 months on ice. lol Long grey hair, lots of wrinkles hmmm. I'll need to bone up on penguins. Can you come with me @gealach ??

@Living in the 70s - photographer, recorder of genealogy already organised by enthusiastic other's. :rolleyes:

No small kids coming - adults only and I'm not good around little screaming kids anyway, been there done that ugh!

Got no pics of the past to take,

Got no one to run interference...

Move around at high rotation yep that sounds like a strategy. lol Thank you :)

I asked my psydoc and my T and they both said, 'be vague, very, very vague' lol They know I am freaking out but also think it is funny.

 

[ms spock]

Can you say you are writing a book? And you can't talk about it at the moment due to the creative process?

How about handing out food? You could take plates around?

Take your own blueberry juice, or raspberry juice or apple juice as faux wine and fill a glass up so you can sip with no alcohol.

Remember after half an hour or an hour after people start drinking, if you don't say good bye then no one will have any idea of how long you stayed. So if you keep walking around - saying "Can't wait to catch up, I will be here for a bit, just got to do a few things for people not staying long" or somesuch, and keep walking about, keeping yourself on high rotation, then you can probably avoid most interactions and leave and there will be an impression of you staying quite awhile.

Once the drinking begins - there is only a time limited period where people will actually remember if you were there or not, and if you were walking around a lot, then you were somewhere else during the event in their minds.

The other thing is that many people will be as socially anxious, if not more socially anxious as you are, so remember that most people will be totally focussed on themselves, and even when talking to you will be so overloaded socially that they will barely notice you.

Good luck and if I think of any other ideas I will pop them here for you!

 

[blackemerald1]

Tomorrow I am going to go and see if I can buy some clothes. Panic shopping - my usual modus operandi :rolleyes:

Then if I go - I can get dressed and go. And if I don't well I have some clothes for another day?

I am still quite undecided and the way I am heading I will probably have a headache for real by Sunday...

 

[gealach]

assistant P.P R

I love it!!!!!! assistants are so underappreciated in the scientific world, you could go on for hours about that (omg, don't even get me started!). At least the poop is frozen, makes it easier to collect. Then say something technobabbley about penguin dna in poop, and how you have the wrong pipettes for the erlenmeyer flasks.

Can you come with me @gealach ??

Sure, I'll be your wingwoman!!!! I'm the paramedic for Antarctic penguin assistant researcher penguin poop related catastrophes (the PFAPARPPRC)