Family Tells Me I Don't Have Ptsd

[Suzanne23]

I have several abusers in my family. My parents neglected me, my cousin sexually abused me and my grandmother tells me all of the time that my pain doesn't mean anything.

I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago. I had to act as perfect as I could as a child to survive. I was raped by more than one person and I had incestuous family members. I also survived a violent relationship where I was raped and almost killed. He committed suicide.

My family likes to compare suicides and traumas. I don't want to have anything to do with it. They continually tell me that I'm just being dramatic. I stay really angry. I kept most of my life a secret for years. Everything was blown wide open after i was almost killed and my boyfriend died.

I just want to be heard, validated, supported. Hell, I just want to feel loved.

 

[Lee2001]

So sorry you went through what you have. Everything you explain is very much so traumatic and life changing. How could it not be! I think when there is widespread abusive family members involved or family members protecting others in family; it's pretty much impossible to get anything supportive or validating. A lot of abusers or those supporting them always feel like the victim etc and deny it. And those trying to compare are very focused on themselves. I truly hope you can find good, caring friends or support from another source than from your family.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Unfortunately we can't choose our family or control how they act. What we can do is set boundaries and enforce those boundaries when other people cross them.

 

[Justmehere]

:hug: Suzanne23
If your family admitted you have PTSD they would have to face that there are abusers in your family. They are clearly not ready/willing/able to do that and rather try to scapegoat you.

I have several abusers in my family. My parents neglected me, my cousin sexually abused me and my grandmother tells me all of the time that my pain doesn't mean anything.

This is painfully very typical for abusers and the dysfunctional family members that enable them. By telling you that you are just being dramatic, they are trying to escape their responsibility and avoid the hard work of change.

I just want to be heard, validated, supported. Hell, I just want to feel loved.

Those are very good things to want. Your abusive family isn't going to provide it to you, but other people might be able to.

I'm the scapegoat of my family too. They tell me to just get over it. They tell me they went through worse. They tell me that my pain doesn't exist and that I don't exist.

My therapist says that the one good thing about being the scapegoat is that the scapegoats are the first ones to stand up and say HEY there is a problem here and they are the first to reach out and get help, and the first to get better, and the ones who first find good healthy people who will love and support them in healthy ways. Your family may never get it, may never change, may always try to blame you somehow, and may always deny the PTSD. You won't likely ever be able to talk them out of doing this.

Keep reaching out to find those good people who can support you in your healing and recovery. I'm so sorry your family is full of sh*tty abusers. They are wrong. You deserve so much better. :hug:

 

[Friday]

I just want to be heard, validated, supported. Hell, I just want to feel loved.

Full stop? Or be heard, validated, supported, & loved by your abusers?

The first one? Totally possible. Beyond that? So highly probable to the point of expectation // that those 4 things can actually become your minimum requirements to have a meaningful relationship with you. Anyone who doesn't meet those minimum requirements? Just someone you know.

The second one? Wouldn't be something I'd put on my list of 6 impossible things before breakfast. Mostly because there are way more fun impossible things out there than to dedicate my life to changing assholes into decent people. If I'm going to tilt at windmills or push back the tides? I'm gonna do it on horseback, not donkey back, and in the Caribbean not the North Sea.

 

[Stickler]

^^^^^
What Friday said. :D
Assholes CAN change into decent people, but only if THEY are working hard to do so. It isn't usual, to put it lightly.

You'd be better off looking for a family of choice.

They are going to keep telling you you are making stuff up. That's bad for your sanity, I think. it would probably be better for you to limit contact.

 

[Kolten]

I have several abusers in my family. My parents neglected me, my cousin sexually abused me and my gra...

I'm really sorry you're experiencing this issue. It can be very hurtful and devastating and make someone feel hopeless and unsupported. The good thing is you came to the right place. What one person has gone thru someone else is currently going thru...or many ppl that can relate to u. Unfortunately ur family makes their own choices and behaviors and you have no control over that. That's hard. U feel like ur screaming for help and to be heard and no one is validating u. Here are some things I would suggest in my opinion. I as well have a family member that's been a huge problem in my PTSD journey and doesn't believe it exists that "everyone goes thru trauma". So more of the get over it attitude. I had a hard time coping with this as he is a medical professional on top of that and should know better. It feels he is uncaring to say the least. I begged for love and acceptance and said I'm sorry for my episodes countless times all to fall on deaf ears. I had to finally make the choice to let it go. If that means him then that's what it means. I am done apologizing for things that weren't in my control and begging for his acceptance and the disease. I have to also be OK with that. Ok with my choice to need to do that. Sounds like you may have to make some of those choices with your family members. Quit trying to convince them. It isn't gna happen. All that matters is you know your situation and right now you need to take care of YOU. AND ONLY YOU. That may mean starting new habits to build self worth or positivity. One thing I do when I'm really down is look at positivity quotes or quotes telling me to push harder I can do this. Or write positive affirmations about yourself every morning so that you start your day in the best mindset you can. Be willing to step away from those invalidating you Atleast for now. It'll make u worse. Much worse. Take care of YOU and be the best YOU that you can be daily. You deserve that as u heal and recover. Toxicity isn't invited to that :)

 

[Suzanne23]

Thank you for all of the responses. I need to accept that they will never change and move on. I have two toddlers of my own to protect. I really needed to hear everything you all said.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Agree with @Friday and @Justmehere Both of them have valid points. Your abusers still most likely never take responsibility for their actions, very very few ever do. And wanting to be loved by these people that basically retraumatize you by putting you in positions where you have to defend your diagnosis is just ludicrous.

We all would love to be loved by our families, but when they are the ones causing the trauma, it's time for us to look at the whole picture, and beyond just our emotions, and see that dysfunction and abuse will continue unless we do something to change that. If that means stronger boundaries, or walking away, then so be it.

Break this cycle not only for you, but for your kids.....