Father's Day / Remembering My Abuser

[theshadowoftheliving]

My father was abusive to me growing up, but in a tangental, absent manner. He's sober now and we actually have a pretty good relationship.

My primary abuser as a child was my grandfather. To this day, I want to throw up whenever I see white-haired men. I woke up today and looked on Facebook and my feed is populated with happy father's day posts - and pictures of men with white hair. And, to top it off, photographs my aunt has posted of my grandfather - my abuser-, lauding him and praising him as an excellent father.

I want to vomit. How can everyone love him so much despite what he is capable of? Am I a terrible person for not wanting anything to do with him?

 

[Lucycat]

My father was my abuser. I hate today. It is hard to forget when it is in your face. I agree with you - all over facebook. It hurts.

 

[Ronin]

@theshadowoftheliving, you're not a terrible person. And it's not like 'everyone' loves him, I'm certain asking people not involved with him would reveal quickly there's no like for who he was and most of all what he did to you.

Please be as safe as possible, and if avoiding some sites that trigger you altogether is needed, please remember it's an option. You can't do wrong by keeping yourself safe.

 

[Changing4Best]

My dad was drinking a lot and unaware of what his father did to me. I forgive him, as my mother was suffering from post partum psychosis after my birth, and was in a mental hospital. My dad and she had a good marriage, 61 years. He missed my mom back then and may well have not even known if she would ever recover. She was put on thorazene [sp?] and it helped her to lead a normal life. Then she came home and all was well. She discovered what dad's dad was doing to me and put a stop to it. I was 6 then. I loved my dad until the day he died, but his dad was disowned by my family. We all hated him. My dad used to pee on his father's grave every year on the old goat's birthday. We put "THE GOOD DIE YOUNG" on his grave stone, because he lived for 102 years! LOL... We who laugh last laugh best.

I sure can relate to your post. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Lucycat]

She was put on thorazene [sp?]

This may be the drug you are meaning.
I remember it well but it has long since been withdrawn.

 

[joeylittle]

Actually, it's this. It has been the front-line anti-psychotic for psychosis/schizophrenia treatment for over 50 years, apparently. It's still in use.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Lucycat No, actually, that reference says not to be confused with Thorazine, so I did spell it correctly!

 

[Lucycat]

Thanks @SheilaKathy , @joeylittle. I should have known. My sister was on that when she was terminally ill.

 

[ihateusernames]

If I can remember to I'm planning to boycott social media on Father's Day next year. All of the pictures of people smiling with their dad's arm around them. I swear that's all I saw Sunday, it's like there's a dad picture pose. Well, I have never had a single one of those. My dad was really only moderately abusive toward me. He mostly just didn't give a shit about us and treated my mom horribly. But it's still kind of nauseating and really saddening to see all of the facebook posts. I can only imagine how disgusted you were over your aunt's. {{:hug:}} I'm sorry :(