Feel I Don't Deserve Help

[cat]

Hi struggling dad

We all deserve help, it's accepting it that's the difficult part for us. I've been to therapy today & after 6wks discussion about my refusal to take meds I finally confessed this feeling to my psychologist, although she had been waiting for me to say it. She tells me that this feeling is part of the 'freezing' response & is in effect self-harm. Now I know the reason for it I'm hoping I can finally accept that with therapy I will recover.

 

[Vickym]

Hi stugglingdad,

My bf feels the same way as you. Its hard for me because I try to tell him be happy your alive and found me. I'm the longest relationship he has had. We have accomplished so many good things since we have been together. Yet he wont let himself or something inside him stops him from being happy. Its as if he can value the things he has. He feels he doesn't deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. I wish I could make you all feel happy. I wish I understood why or knew the right things to say.

If they are with you its because they love you and see the good in you. Those things are not easy to find hang onto them.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Vickym,

Please don't take it personally, it's a complex interplay of guilt, poor or virtually non-existent self-worth, much self- blame. He knows how good you are and how valuable to everyone, that is precisely "why" he feels so guilty (possibly) to be "complicating" your life, as he might see it through his eyes.

Also, he may feel very guilty when he feels emotionally numb and knows you don't deserve that. All the more reason in his mind to feel that he is abnormal and doesn't deserve you, and that you deserve so much more. He is likely afraid to hurt you and may feel that your life could only be better (because you are so good) without him in it.

Then, lots of times the guilt and frustration comes out in anger or rage, to the person/ people he most cares about.

I'm sorry I don't have more helpful advice, maybe someone else has.

My heart goes out to you.

Love Meg

 

[upstream]

"What separates those who achieve from those who do not, is in direct proportion to one's ability to ask for help" ~Donald Keo, former President of Coca-Cola

Probably not what you were looking for, but I tried to look at healing as a challenge, or an obstacle to overcome, rather than something I deserved.

 

[strugglingdad]

Wow Meg, that's pretty much exact on how I feel towards my wife. I KNOW she could do better. And I KNOW I'm not the best dad. BUT i'm trying. Maybe......

You all help. Thank you.

indoors- was that you or the dog? :)

 

[her_indoors43]

:dontknow:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear s. dad,

Just remember, you are doing the best you can as a person, a husband and a father. That's all anyone can ask or try.

I have my "suspicions" that you are doing better than you feel about yourself; after all, you are consious of it and writing here. Never forget your wife chose you, too, for all of your wonderful qualities.
And they all love you. :)

Meg

 

[Vickym]

Thanks Meg!

 

[Tinyflame]

You're welcome Vickym.

I'm sure your bf does know and value how critical your presence is in his life, and how much he loves you. It's just a really cunning, baffing disease.

The very best to you both :)

 

[nickeldoor]

Hi strugglingdad, I fully understand your feelings. I have this experience myself driving on the road for hours to no destination, and wondering about my life.

We are all entitled to a full meaningful life and to this, we really have to fight for it, and against the past emotional damages people have caused us. I know it's hard but you have fight on ... because it's your life eventually. And this happiness once you found and understand it, will be yours to keep. Sounds interesting? I hope you will get yourself on to fast recovery and live the full great life you are entitled to ;)

~nickeldoor~