Feeling Good is Shameful

[Kubash16]

I grew up with the knowledge that when you feel good about something (attention/compliments/self care) its something wrong and something I should be ashamed of.

Feeling good feels so wrong on the deepest level. It feels like I should be punished somehow for being so selfish as to let myself feel good about anything. I think this is why I have a really hard time with figuring out what exactly I enjoy, definitely causes problems in any kind of relationship, and I think has a component in my therapeutic relationship. I feel wrong for liking the attention that my T gives me and therefore don't trust myself and therefore my trust in him is faltering (tons of other components contributing to this but I do think it's a minor factor).

Does anyone else feel like this?

How did you overcome this?

Part of my homework is to do daily affirmations and I am struggling massively with this. They feel wrong. They feel like I'm not allowed to say nice things about myself. They feel like they may actually work to change my thinking into feeling good during the day and that feels wrong and like I should be punished for thinking I would ever be worth something like that.

Any advice is appreciated greatly.

 

[Teasel]

Yes I struggle with this, & I dont like affirmations either.

I've made some headway with Loving Kindness tho ~ spend a minute sending living kindness to myself, then a minute sending it to someone I love, then someone I feel neutral for, then someone I have some difficulty with (not my abusers, just some difficulty)

So instead of saying affirmations, I just repeat may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be free from suffering.

I can tell it's working slowly though y no means have I gotten over it yet.

 

[Friday]

(Another for affirmations can bite me :wtf: )

How are you at feeling good about other things?

Not about you, about IT.

It’s a step removed, but it’s still applying a positive judgement onto something. You like (are intrigued by, respect, are excited by, enamoured of, delighted by, etc.) ABC qualities that XYZ possesses.

 

[Kubash16]

That’s a really good way of looking at it, thank you.

 

[Mach123]

This is a really good one. "Everything I like is illegal, immoral or fattening.

 

[The Albatross]

Rewiring/changing behaviors can be done.... in the past we had a number of members here who did a to a few rounds of Shawn Achors Happiness Advantage challenge. It gives suggestions to be accomplished in as much as you're able to rewire your brain to scan for the neutral or positive rather than the negative. It worked for a number of us (the group was in private chat).

Part of the problem of course is being open to challenge/change... self examine your resistance. There may be a root core belief/distortion that you value that keeps you entrenched.

Affirmations for the sake of them are neutral. Inspirations and affirmations that I personally value and find meaning in are anchoring. Thus I would suggest that for those who find inane things, like affirmations adverse or repugnant... to do a CBA.

 

[Wendell_R]

I feel punished for asking for anything or wanting anything.

When I looked at my therapist's pre-printed affirmation cards, I freaked out. I knew if I did these, I would feel punished afterwards. What has worked better for me is to make up my own cards every now and then, writing down affirmations that are within my tolerance zone. (Example: I deserve a peaceful moment.) That tolerance zone varies from day to day, so I ended up with a bunch of cards with different levels of affirmation. In my journal, I clip the cards in a stack to the front page. Each day, I look for one, or a few, cards that fit today. I color the cards to make them a little more vibrant.

 

[Michael Houston]

I grew up with the knowledge that when you feel good about something (attention/compliments/self care) its something wrong and something I should be ashamed of.

Feeling good feels so wrong on the deepest level. It feels like I should be punished somehow for being so selfish as to let myself feel good about anything. I think this is why I have a really hard time with figuring out what exactly I enjoy, definitely causes problems in any kind of relationship, and I think has a component in my therapeutic relationship. I feel wrong for liking the attention that my T gives me and therefore don't trust myself and therefore my trust in him is faltering (tons of other components contributing to this but I do think it's a minor factor).

Does anyone else feel like this?

How did you overcome this?

Part of my homework is to do daily affirmations and I am struggling massively with this. They feel wrong. They feel like I'm not allowed to say nice things about myself. They feel like they may actually work to change my thinking into feeling good during the day and that feels wrong and like I should be punished for thinking I would ever be worth something like that.

Any advice is appreciated greatly.

I belive someyimes at least I tend to look to deep insidht introspective so we can feal better. Piont very valid though. I have to second by second be uncomfortable and choose me, fear and the unknown over obeying those fears and appering smaller than I am. When I was a kid if you stood up to your surroundings and thought about sighing on the inside your life was in danger. Feal small and you will stay alive is what my brain is constantly telling me. Were talking about feelings not actions here. At age $* I realise who I really am my true good self itry to be that self praying to God for him to strengthen part of me and me to see how much he belives and loves me that has saved me from hell itself

 

[frogthroat]

I still struggle with this and have finally gotten to a neutral point in fighting it enough to start somewhat of a routine.
Idk if any of you feel this same way at times but do you feel like if you feel good something terrible is going to happen? I feel like if I allow myself to feel okay then some other tragedy will suddenly befall me. I know this is distorted thinking but it's really hard to get through.
Not only was I raised in a very dysfunctional and abusive home I was also taught that "God punishes" and he does so for no reason sometimes and so I learned to always find something wrong with myself.
Affirmations are weird and they feel fake to me so I just try to do pros and cons sometimes. What would be the logical benefit of allowing myself to laugh or to eat right? What would be the cons of doing said things? I often find my con side of the list is all over the place and is distorted. Sometimes, I read something and it hits me as a fear a small child would have.
Shame is one of the hardest things to try to tackle imo.