Feeling like i caused my mom's sudden illness

[frogthroat]

My mom is suddenly very ill and has to go to immediate care. This shouldn't surprise me because she's had an infection for over 2 years she hasn't taken care of. She's also had dizzy spells for a good 5 months. She's also been around a patient at work who has c-diff.
I feel like I caused her to get sick because when my brother asked me if mom had touched me I told him "yes" and also because I've disclosed this to my T. I guess I feel like if she dies or something then it's my fault for saying something so negative about her and I feel completely guilty and ashamed of myself. I know this sounds crazy but I do feel responsible and I feel extremely anxious.

 

[Friday]

Her touching you while she’s this sick puts you at risk of infection, hon, not the other way around.

I’m hoping your brother is a decent guy, and that’s what he meant by asking. The whole “Has mom touched you lately? Because she’s super sick in the hospital... and may have infected you. The docs are trying to notify everyone she’s had contract with, so they can seek medical care.”

 

[frogthroat]

I meant I feel like I caused her illness because when my brother asked if she molested me too I told him yes. I feel like I caused her to get sick because I disclosed that abuse to him and to my T. That's what I meant. Sorry for being confusing.

 

[Gs172003]

I meant I feel like I caused her illness because when my brother asked if she molested me too I told...

You didn't cause anything. Not her touching you, not her illness. Nothing.

 

[Abstract]

Long patterns of being blamed for things that are others fault or actions becomes pretty ingrained doesn't it? I think most of us have bad backlash when we tell in any way. Her getting sick is however absolutely nothing to do with you. As part of your brain knows. The other is just playing the record of past indoctrination and self blame.

Are you able to own and express your anger towards her for what she did to you? These mixed up feelings may also be related to that unexpressed understandable rage.

 

[frogthroat]

Are you able to own and express your anger towards her for what she did to you?

No, I don't. She just makes me feel nervous. I don't feel any anger at least not yet. I'm working in therapy to pull myself out of depression first. I'm just getting out of my apartment routinely again.

 

[Fadeaway]

Your mother caused your illness not the other way around. You are and have always been innocent. She is the guilty party.

 

[EveHarrington]

But she did touch you and it’s your right to speak the truth...