Feeling Really Low

[InHell11]

The past week I had been dealing with constant anxiety pretty much up until I got a prescription for clonazepam and took some. It certainly does help the anxiety however without the constant anxiety the depression seems to be setting in pretty heavily. I was also prescribed a sedating non-SSRI anti-depressant to help sleep as well, but I suppose it will be a couple weeks before I find out if it will reduce the depression any. Anyways its just sort of a numb 'I don't really care what happens to me, why wont it end' sort of feeling.

Just seems if its not the anxiety it has to be the crushing depression or emptiness, if not the depression then the intense anxiety and feelings of impending doom. Just seems there is no way out of this hell. And now once again I am waiting it out for another appointment, its kind of hard not to take it personally that it seems trying to get help is a long drawn out process. Also just to be clear I am not currently planning to attempt suicide. But I think at the next appointment I should be clear it would be wise of them to send me to the psych ward or something so I don't. Not to mention I am very confused about my thinking lately its way more disorganized than usual so I guess its sort of embarrassing but I am concerned about if I can keep track of important things like eating enough(which is hard as is with no appetite), not taking the clonazepam and then drinking within the hour and just little mistakes that could cost me.

But anyways this is all just very depressing for me, I don't even want to deal with any people today I'd rather just sit here in my room alone with my pain......rather then out there spreading my pain about to others.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

Welcome, and I'm sorry you are so 'down' today. Depression distorts our thinking, and we can't absorb the love or good feelings people have for us.

I have admitted myself to the hospital 3 times, and each time it was the right choice. You CAN feel better. It isn't easy. I've learned (somewhat) to 'manage' my depression/anxiety with meds, and a good therapist.

It takes courage to reach out for help. It sounds like you are trying to do that. It's hard, but it's worth it to get rid of the distortions that can overtake our minds.

I agree you should be honest with your doc. It's the only way to get into a hospital.

I will pray (if you don't mind) that you will have the courage and strength to get better. Meanwhile, it's okay to 'hide under the covers'. I do!

Be blessed,
AKJ

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I agree with Angel, all of it. I hope you get the help you need soon. Good luck.

 

[JustBe]

Welcome :)

 

[Shellbell]

I'm sorry you are feeling so low and I really hope you get the help you need.

It takes courage and strentgth to reach out and be honest with your Doc.

I wish you all the best with this.

 

[InHell11]

Yeah I'll do my best, all I have to do is be honest and they'll do what they have to do. I mean I cannot do this on my own anymore not that i was able to in the first place. Not to mention if I can be admitted to keep me from damaging myself further at least that will be evidence to my family that no I'm not 'just dwelling on it.' but that there is something actually wrong that I can't manage on my own.

My main concern is the cost any sort of treatment would probably be expensive especially being in a psych ward, though I imagine the bill couldn't be much worse than what I owe in college loans. I am working on getting SSI and well I suppose they cannot squeeze blood out of a stone because if I don't get that I won't have money to pay any bill with.

 

[InHell11]

Dammint I need impatient treatment, didn't think it would come this way....sorry its just a lot to cope with and right now I am resorting to drinking.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Oh how I wish I could resort to thinking, but I am a recovering alcholic. It began to work against me in every area of my life. I wish you the best in sorting all of this out for you. I wish you the very best and I am rooting for you.

 

[InHell11]

thanks, man that really helps....I'm just in a low place lately and have been feeling like killing myself thanks for that though. I mean part of it is I really want the pain to end but then how will i survive. Anyways thanks for responding and tellnig me there is more hope....if you have anymore usefull info I am down with hanging out to talk about it. Anyways thanks and I hope you do ok.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I was first diagnosed in 1985. I felt like life picked me up by the ankles and shook every part of me out. Leaving a empty shell. I did not know who I was or what end was up I was naive and gullible and vulnerable and desperately needy. I had no self esteem nor any healthy boundries. I was a total basket case. I began therapy and the first week I had to change therapist.

It has been a long and painful journey. I did not have good support so I real every book I could get on recovery and researched it and learned alot.

My relationships were all with toxic people. So it was slow. but I kept on cutting out of my life the toxic ones.

I had to cut off contact with my family because they were so hooked into the family drama and all were in denial of reality. I grieved the loss of my family for years. We sold out and moved far away to get away from our family.

We moved into a small toxic community, a very small town where the gossip was lethal. It was a terrible experience.

Then I started wising up and cutting them out of my life a person at a time. We finally were able to move far away and have not contact with anyone in that place. Non of them knows where we are or what we are doing. I have been here a year and a half and am just now thinking of ways to rebuild my life.

I am a caregiver to my husband, who used to be my carer. He has parkinsons. degenerative disc disease and lewy body dementia. I have ptsd and it has been very hard taking care of him. It is like exposure therapy, I am getting better at it.

Currently I am doing emdr and I have had wonderful success with it. It has helped tremendously.I am willing to talk to you, but thought you could gain a little history about myself.

 

[InHell11]

I just don't know how to cut the toxic ones, its just they are typically the ones who best understand me. So I am not sure what to do there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am not understanding you. Do you want to cut the toxic ones out of your life? How can they best understand you if they are toxic? Can you go into more detail, because that would help out alot. Thanks.