Feeling Unnaturally Happy?

[Iyllsa]

Get a diagnosis from a psychiatrist. Then you can consider what medication options are available.[...

I have been diagnosed by a psychiatrist and another type of doctor that tests my cognition and all that.. I can't remember the name, but that's where it was implied I have some sort of communicative issue going on but does not meet the criteria for a diagnoses. (Unspecified). I was also diagnosed with APD(Auditory Processing Disorder) as well. I'm not sure if that may be related to my upbringing or the fact I had no one to talk to for my first year of life and I was pretty mute for another two years. A little delayed, but not much. I picked stuff up quickly as a kid, though a very good amount of kids are pretty smart. They're sponges.

I was diagnosed about.... a year ago? Maybe add an extra half year. My time perception is really off. I could go into more detail, but basically long periods can feel short to me, but short periods can feel looong for me.

I was officially diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, and Panic Disorder. I'm going to get tested again because they think I show signs of psychosis, but they're not sure because it may be a flashback or very vivid intrusive thoughts. The lines kind of blur, so I'm meeting with someone who specializes in that field. Not sure when though.

"Big Pharma is trying to get you hooked for your mad cash!" NO. Just NO

Oh gosh.. no I don't think of meds like that haha. Sorry if I made it seem that way. Again I see medication as a great tool. I don't disagree that they are of great help.

-Meds aren't supposed to work alone.

Yes you're right. I spoke with my therapist about her thoughts on medication and she said she'll help me find resources and I don't plan on stopping even if the medication is helping. There's still A LOT of deeper stuff to talk about with her.. I think the medication will really help me better handle for when that time comes.

You seem like you're having the issue where your train of thought is not only jumping the tracks, but forgetting where the tracks were before it jumped. Not good juju. Usually it's a sign that somethign serious is going on. You're pretty fragmented, distracted and have poor memory and emotional issues. That's usually a sign that some meds, even for a short time, might help you deal.

You're right and thank you for typing that out for me. It confirms with me that I'm not just seeing it myself. I don't even know how to explain it. Sometimes I know that there's something wrong, but then it's like I check out or I get stuck in between and I forget what I'm doing a second later. I get stuck in the present with no memory... ugh. There have been times where I'd blink and all of a sudden I've forgotten everything. I couldn't identify the item in front of me as a chair. I saw a man but I couldn't identify him either. I was so confused I didn't even take the time to question who I was because I felt like I was just.. a thought.. or something that happen to be placed in that setting.. it's really weird. I don't know how to explain it.

I don't think it was dissociation. I do dissociate, but that was like my brain just.. reset or something. I didn't even know I was sitting. I wasn't thinking. It was empty up there. Then about 5 seconds later I blinked and I was "back to normal" and that scared me. I ended up calling my friend to pick me up because I was worried it was going to happen again.

I don't know what it is. Why my memory and cognition is like that and I'm not sure who to go to for that. I tried talking to my therapist a bit about that she says I'm just tired or doesn't continue off it. Even with many hours of sleep it's still there.

Then there are the times where it's like I skipped time. I logically know I had to have gotten up and walked somewhere, but it's like I "woke up" and I'm somewhere else. Kind of like how you're daydreaming while someone is talking to you then they snap their fingers. They're talking about cooking but last you heard they were talking about how a horse's muzzle is one of the softest things in the world...

No. You don't have to be on meds for life. That's an old practice. A lot of newer doctors would rather you get off them if you can. The new method is to have meds as an assist while you use therapy to unravel the source of the issue. The meds are only to help you be able to cope with the process of fixing the issue.

Honestly, if meds will help me not feel like this and help me function.. just not be this, I'm fine with taking it all my life. As much as I'd hate to due to fear and paranoia, that has lessened, I'd rather be able to know I'm thinking as clearly as I can and managing all this. I know it's not good, but I don't want to be affecting my friend with my problems so I want to get it taken cared of so that I can stop stressing her out.

I hope this helps

This was very helpful. Thank you. :)

8-It really really sounds like you could benefit from meds. With how you write, what you write and your concerns...you're pretty disjointed and confused and twisted up. DON'T self medicate-it *will* make it worse. DO so with a doctor and a therapist.

Forgot to reply to this.. No don't worry. I don't plan on self medicating. I already have paranoid thinking about medication, no way I'm doing it alone! Haha. Doctors are doctors for a reason. They know what they're doing, most of the time. They know medication better than I do. I'd rather take the risk and have a professional help me than me shooting in the dark and end up making all of this a thousand times worse.

 

[J'qel]

Sounds like you've got some ideas, and that taking your time to type things out does help. As you go, each post gets a bit less panicked. This is good.

I wasn't so much referring to you for the "big pharma" comment but warning you away from those types of ideas. Unfortunately they're everywhere and just...they make me angry because of the irreperable harm they've done. I'm not good with people making other people hurt or be harmed for their own amusement or personal foibles/philosophies. I'm also a hard data girl, the two do not combine well for dealing with conspiracy theories.

I actually understand the point you're referring to. I call it my "autopilot"-where I just do things without thinking or immediately don't remember. Things like whether I've eaten, where I put something down,for me it's mostly routine stuff that I feel I don't need to remember slips through the cracks, but some other stuff when I was younger has gone missing (large blocks of my youth) and I'm not sure where or why. From what I can remember of remembering, I wasn't terribly concerned about those ages, so I just joke that my brain made room for other things that are more important and tossed the boring stuff.

From what some people have said-it *is* a form of dissociation-just not one of the dramatic types. Your brain just..stops recording for some reason. For myself, I have accepted the parts of it that happen, but I find paying closer attention to the world around me as I do things-like cutting a muffin and noticing the colour swirls in the dough from the blueberries-helps me remember later the more trivial routine elements.

No promise on the where things get set down, but it also works from getting to point a to point b. For a while. After a few days my brain gets tired of holding onto it and lets it go, but remembering say, miles of featureless terrain while listening to a familiar song isn't really something I'll be shattered if I can't remember.

Until you can get more specific help for all of what's going on, try just focusing on a detail involving what you're doing, it may help with your recall later, especially for things more essential, like knowing if you ate recently (something I have a problem with but I have to try and make sure I remember).

 

[clsnowyowl]

I'm going to switch up about something not previously mentioned here (since we talked about medication, the medical profession, diagnosis, psychology, and all of those other things). It really all comes down to 2 things: How you truly cope with life before and after the treatment you get and/or whether or not you function on a day to day basis (with or without treatment). There is a great distinction between coping (or some sort of coping mechanism) and actually functioning well (particularly when interacting with others).

Coping is in my opinion or definition "just getting through" the situation at the time (at any given time). Functioning means doing well at all times (which is a form of being victorious or overcoming the situation and being able to "move on" despite the past and/or despite the situation or even a trigger). All I can say (and I am not qualified to make a psychological assessment of any kind) but since I have PTSD myself, I can say that how you are now is a culmination of a bunch of different major events that have you have experienced, particularly those events which had either shaped or profoundly changed your life that make you who you are. You cannot deny the you that you are. The number one thing to remember is that you are a unique individual and you (like anyone else has the ability to interact well with others). Whatever you have been through, like me, you are a survivor as well. These are positive things to try to keep in mind and remember about yourself. These things are basic facts to give you the groundwork to start from that you have the ability to function and/or to cope and be able to move forward

Treatment is not instantaneous (even with medication). Treatment can be tailored to what is best suit you (there's not a "one size fits all" form of treatment). A lot of factors determine what treatment you receive to best suit you. It is also a process of working through all of that stuff to get down deep to the core things that are truly bothering you to begin that process of healing. Seeing a psych allows you, as you already know to place some controls, in a really safe environment, on some emotions you may feel but can't appropriately express in the society or even in your own home. For instance, men usually don't cry in our culture, and women very rarely lash out in anger (although things are gradually changing)- the psych is a great place for these forms of example expressions to take place to allow some measure of dignity and comfort that otherwise would not be there.

I merely touched on these things as well instead of being only "clinical" and talking about just the treatment. The hope is that all concerned would work towards helping the whole person heal. I say this also, because with emotions there is a physical component of that (and from medication) as well. Some people (depending on their faith) consult a spiritual advisor or go to church also. Some others still meditate or listen to music or do some other activity to help them relax. All of these components go towards helping you to be a freer and healthier you and to be made more whole.

In my observation, human beings are not only very fragile (after you get past certain limits), but we live in a world where other people hurt us just because hurting someone (even emotionally through verbal denigration) makes them feel better and/or more superior. We have to guard our hearts and minds against those potential harms as well as the physical threats to our bodies as well. There is nothing even worse than the deflating of a spirit or loss of hope or optimism because of the words another says. People need to build each other up instead of tearing them down all of the time. Hopefully you will get the encouragement and the support you need to heal as well (or at least this will also go a long way to help in that process).

I wish you great, health, and wellness as you go through or continue through your process.

Sincerely,

The Snowy Owl

 

[Iyllsa]

I'm going to switch up about something not previously mentioned here (since we talked about medicati...

I'm sorry I don't always know how to reply to your messages/replies, but I do read them and I calm down reading a message like that. Thank you for taking the time. I agree with you completely and I understand that it's not a one size fits all kind of thing. I'm willing to stick with it and try multiple kinds of medication if it means getting closer to bringing an end to this..

 

[clsnowyowl]

I'm sorry I don't always know how to reply to your messages/replies, but I do read them and I calm down...

Replies are optional but not necessary. I am merely giving folks here my best input based upon my own experiences (as also a sufferer of PTSD and as one who "survived" first-hand some really traumatic events in the course of my life. I am also offering up
an opinion based upon what you tell me (taking what you say or write down at face value) and since I am not as close to the
situation or scenario as you are, I perhaps may be able to offer up a fresh perspective or a point of view or another way of
looking at the matter objectively (using logic) that you and others might have not viewed before.

I am glad and delighted that you and other people reading this feel at peace, a kind of comfort, and calm by reading the material
I have written down or generated off the top of my head (so to speak) just from a direct point of view about life (based upon
my experiences). I can tell you that I also went through some issues of my own having PTSD, that there is treatment for it, and
that everything said here is really true and sincere (at least for myself) which is why I even make those statements. The motivation and the intention is to put my objective mind out there on things in an effort to help out and offer up what input I have received and also had to process throughout the course of my life, although the advice itself is merely placing perspective and perhaps another point of view on the situation (and is not necessarily a substitute for professional treatment, counseling, rehab, etc...).

These posts are in no way legal, psychological, or medical advice. I write these things because I feel I have a moral obligation to
share my experiences (because I felt alone while going through it and the support was not there for me). In a way, helping others
is healing and cathartic for myself as well. I now have the love and support from my family in recent years. It has taken a very long time for me to come to terms with things by this point in my life (and I am beginning to "feel my kind of 'sort of normal'"). Being a
member of this group is a real help for me because like you, it is verification for me that "I'm not alone" and that others also
suffer from PTSD like I do (so I no longer feel like I am going through this by myself). Also, getting my own therapy and the encouragement of my wife also has helped. I hope you are also reassured you do not suffer alone and what you have is treatable
and even curable.

The short answer is I am really glad to help out and I am delighted and gratified that what you read calms you down and helps you out. Even though it was very unpleasant to go through these traumatic situations for myself, I am now glad what I went through truly is a help to others by merely sharing my thoughts, opinions, and experiences drawn from life. I only hope and pray that anyone needing to heal truly gets the chance to heal and be made whole. I hope the volunteered advice really helps.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey towards wellness.

Sincerely,

The Snowy Owl

 

[clsnowyowl]

I'm sorry I don't always know how to reply to your messages/replies, but I do read them and I calm down...

There is one other thing I need to say here that was not said before (and I don't want to burst your bubble) that I think you
need to truly understand- there is not necessarily a complete "end" of PTSD for someone (like me) who has it (and this may
or may not also be true for you). I have suffered with PTSD for 27 years, nearly 28 years (since around 1990 as a young adult).

I have literally been processing and coping for decades with this. So, because I make these statements here (it means there
is usually a very long process without diminishing a possible cure or diminishing of symptoms down the road and also so
that I am not saying something contradictory to the last post on PTSD being curable). I am really saying that any mental
or emotional issues like this involve a major process to heal- it is not a quick healing kind of thing like some physical
injuries. Healing the mind is more of a longer, deep seated process to heal which is why injuries to the mind are often
considered deeper hurts. I have the philosophy that injurious words wound even more intensely and deeply than being
physically slugged in the face.

I can honestly say that I have endured some of the worst aspects of human nature just by the offensive person running
their mouth in a negative way to intentionally inflict a personal attack on me. Those words hurt worse and I was wounded
longer than those times I was involved in a fist-fight and received physical injuries. The physical injuries healed quicker
and the emotional wounds took longer to heal. The feelings of hurt have been more emotional or mental than physical.
So, I was hurt by the words of others and experienced maltreatment of others by what they have said. I still find myself
getting wounded and feeling devalued by another's negative words. Maybe I'm too sensitive or try too hard to do my best
when others do the minimal, but I do still feel the hurt very intensely. That's one of the downsides of being tenderhearted-
the words hurt too much. People inflict injury with their words and it really hurts.

There's a rock group called Rush who had a song on their "Power Windows" album called "Emotion Detector". I still
listen to the CD even though it has been released over 30 years ago. The words to the song snippet I am quoting the
lyrics on say things about what it's like to be human on this subject:

The song expresses that we feel and how what we feel affects ourselves and others. This also goes for what
we say and do. This is verification that this emotional stuff is a process. So is healing. Please be patient- take
the time to heal.

Sincerely,

The Snowy Owl

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