General Fiancee Woke Up Screaming Bloody Murder

[ohzap]

Hello! This is my first post (and hopefully in the correct section). I felt like I needed to talk to somebody about this. I guess I'll start with a bit of history. I've been living with my fiancee since April. He's had PTSD for at least 5 years, when he came across the dead body of his best friend whom took his own life. The way his friend died was gruesome and still haunts him. He relives the experience in a nightmare almost every night and will even hallucinate that he see's the messed up body of his friend.

Jump forward to last night, I was awoken to my fiancee screaming as if someone was trying to kill him. I don't think I have ever in my life gotten up so fast. I know he has told me that he's had fits like this and never to wake him (because he almost beat up his last girlfriend by accident), but in the moment I didn't remember that at all. My first instinct was to grab him and calm him down. Luckily he didn't hurt me, but after the fact I felt afraid about the whole situation. He was screaming so loudly I'm amazed none of my roommates came in to see wtf was going on.

He went back to sleep and when we woke up in the morning he had no idea any of it even happened. We talked about what happened and he said he was sorry, but I'm honestly still kind of freaked out over it. I thought he had gotten to the point where maybe he had this under control and didn't need to see anyone, but not now. When someone wakes up like that should they definitely go see a psychologist? How helpful is therapy with PTSD if the person doesn't want to take medication of any sort?

 

[Promicarus]

Welcome to the forum! Glad you've sought help in order to help your fiancee, he's fortunate to have someone both that concerned as well as dedicated.

I've had similarly violent nightmares throughout my life, and have frightened exes terribly for the same reasons. Not only is it realistic to become afraid for one's own safety, in such a situation, but it can result in overall discomfort with the individual, in general--the interior question becomes "How disturbed is the person ACTUALLY, that these things could be going on inside them. Are they just hiding a fundamentally damaged psyche from me, under layers of 'acting normal'.

The good news is that not only is it not at all necessarily indicative of someone being either dangerous, or potentially deranged (although if you were to wake him up while in the middle of the dream, in a threatened state, he might lash out at you before he knows it, as he warned), but that in the case of single-instance trauma, especially during adulthood, the symptoms can often be very responsive to treatment tailored specifically to address it--as opposed to CPTSD, or trauma arising from multiple instances during childhood, which is generally more difficult to treat.

EMDR, a method of treatment created to specifically address trauma, is often very effective in lessening symptoms of such trauma in a relatively short time, and as far as I'm aware, is the preferred method for instances of Acute Trauma disorder which, when left untreated, result in more deep-seated and dramatic trauma-related symptoms--as it sounds as though is the case with your fiancee, from your description. Generally, this is considered a more successful approach than medication, in fact, as the principle behind EMDR is that it enables the brain to process trauma from the right brain, where it's stored in flashes of images and emotions, to the left brain, where it can be consciously defined, and so controlled, and incorporated into one's awareness at a rate, and in a form, which enables the individual to gradually confront and take dominion over memories which they've previously only attempted to suppress out of painful associations, but which "break through" into their lives, unbidden, nonetheless.

Recent research suggests that writing about these events can also encourage the same transfer from right to left hemisphere, and so lessen such symptoms of "intrusion", as well.

Best wishes, good luck, and hope you'll feel free to continue to post for support.

 

[scout86]

Also, a lot of people don't need medication

 

[Abstract]

Medication is not necessarily required and treatment entails discussing the trauma in a safe way and learning new ways of coping. This is the part that needs to be done regardless. And yes he needs treatment. Even if he did not have this episode he would need it.

 

[Crimson]

I've had a situation in rehab (takes drink of stiff beverage) where a fellow who slept in the same room as me told me that I screamed in the night. At the time I had thought that I was leaving this whole PTSD business behind, heck, maybe I didn't even have it! I told him that, and told him that it was fine if he moved rooms. I didn't think about it at that time but pretty much admitting you have PTSD and that's why you did unacceptable behaviour x pretty much scares people off the subject. He did not change rooms, I was happy to never scream in the middle of the night again while I was there.

Also periodically I will sit up in bed, look around the room and go back to sleep, my partner told me about this. Never feeling safe rocks my socks. I wake up every night with convulsive movements bringing my hands towards my chest gasping and sitting up.

There is hope, but I just wanted to share my experiences, you are not alone and neither is he.

Be good to yourself.

 

[The Albatross]

When I get the intense violent dreaming of physical violence, I can be pretty active. Once my spouse put his hand on me to shake me awake and I clocked (punched) him screaming "Keep your hands off me, keep your hands off me [somebody's name]!!' I was wild eyed and answering questions apparently that he asked. I didn't remember it either. I've only had it happen about three times in 24 years. But he tries to handle it now by trying to turn the light on or turn the radio on the alarm clock on loud instead.

 

[ohzap]

...

Thank you for the long response. I actually do remember looking into someone that does EMDR when I was helping him find someone to see. I think I will bring that up again now that we have spare money to afford a therapist. He's really against seeing someone, but I think that's because, aside from me, he's never talked about what happened to him with anyone. When I had him go see a doctor to get a list of people they'd suggest he see I had to do a lot of the talking for him because he wasn't comfortable with it.

...

That's pretty much what happens with him when he wakes up from nightmares. I'll talk to him and have conversations. Last night I thought he was aware because he apologized like crazy and began to cry because he was so upset over it, but then he didn't remember a thing.