Final disclosure for trauma...

[J_trustno1]

I will be buying a house in next 2-3 months. I have already started looking for them. I really want to confront and swear at all these assholes!!! And once I'm done, I'm with them!!! They need to know what they have done!!!! I just HATE them!!!!

 

[digger]

One important question I think to ask yourself is what you are hoping for from this?

Are you going to be content with just saying your piece and walking away? Or are you wanting responses from these people? If you don't want responses, how are you going to deal with any responses that you do get? If you do want responses, will you be able to cope if they're not the type of responses you want?

What support and skills do you have in place to deal with the aftermath of this?

 

[J_trustno1]

I'm not after apology, sympathy or any further contact with them. Just want to let all the hate, anger, sadness and deception by them out. After this, I will NEVER be in contact with them. I just want to calm that anger and that inner child because she was never allowed to speak and this time I'm going to speak for her! That's all. I don't even want anything from them in return.

 

[illusionist]

I did this via a phonecall, so there was no aftermath...I unloaded, then dealt with my own feelings after it.

I'm concerned that you will have to deal with emails after it..... Then again, you are in control if you open them or delete.....so, yes.......it could well benefit you.....at least when your feelings are directed towards the abusers, and them alone.

Abusers friends, and new families do not deserve to be upset by our anger, they have nothing to do with it.

 

[scout86]

I'm not after apology, sympathy or any further contact with them.

If that's accurate, I'd say go ahead. But consider how accurate your thoughts on what you want out of this really are. Not saying you're missing something, just suggesting you might actually be hoping for a particular outcome. If you're hoping for a particular outcome, that's fine, just consider all the possibilities.

Like others have said, one of the most frustrating things about this is that, often, the people who create the problems, the "abusers" aren't capable of caring about the results of their actions. My T says a lot of times they actually don't remember specific incidents because, to them, it wasn't that big a deal. They don't pay a price, most of the time, because it really is nothing, as far as they're concerned.

If you know that, and are ok with it, and really have nothing else to lose, vent to your heart's content. I admire your determination. (Always have!)

 

[Scarlet13]

I can see both sides of this. I one time stood up to my stepfather. I was pregnant with my second child. My 2 year old was running around and my step d reached out his hands. You never know what he will do or what mood he will be in. (i am nc today). So, I was 40 weeks preggo. You do NOT want to mess with a pregnant woman. I got in his face, the man whom I was terrefied of, and I said, "Don't you dare touch him."
Oh, and he backed down. I had SO much adrenaline. I still feel powerful from that.
But, on the other side of it, he had no idea why I would need to do that. There may never be an awareness of anything from abusers. I just looked crazy. I am nc with him today.
As far as having a voice can you write it down? Join a poetry group? Go to a support group? Post your story on line? Start a blog? There are many avenues for having a voice.

 

[joeylittle]

but he needs to know about the damage he has caused!.

I don't even want anything from them in return.

There might be a contradiction here.

What are you expecting to happen, so that you are confident that they (father, family) now "know"? In other words, how will you know that you succeeded?

If fathers response was "This is all stuff you have made up in your head. It doesn't affect me."

How would you take that?

 

[Deleted member 541]

To ask why, is to open the door for more abuse! I just think that if you contact your abuser(s) that it will harm you more than help. I did the very thing with one of my brothers. He turned everything around and ended up blaming me for him raping me!!!, go figure that one out!!!! I ended up suicidal. Wasn't worth it in the end. They are abusers and they will do anything to NOT take responsibility for their actions. Seriously think about this.

Personally I think you're dealing with more anger than you are anything else. You're entitled to your anger 100%. Just make sure that by confronting that you don't end up with more anger and suicidal....

 

[Renew]

I understand where you are coming from. I did stand up to someone recently and you know what, it made it worse. Now even more people have alienated me. I hope this doesn't happen to you. :(

 

[whiteraven]

As far as having a voice can you write it down? Join a poetry group? Go to a support group? Post your story on line? Start a blog? There are many avenues for having a voice.

Yeah.

I tried in very small ways to confront one of my abusers (my father) with some of the things he had done and he denied each thing I brought up, vehemently. I was crazy. Didn't know what I was talking about. And he was vicious when he responded to me, which kind of surprised me, because he had really mellowed in the years since everything had happened. I could never even think about doing it again because I think I had really hoped he would at minimum acknowledge his role in the abuse.

I've started to use the therapeutic letter to begin dealing with all the people I am unable to confront but with whom I still have issues of anger and intense pain, etc.... I started with my therapist, who I've been thinking of firing for about 2 years, and it really helped me not only get all my anger out, but also helped me gain a little bit of inner peace. In a therapeutic letter, which you write but you don't send, you can say whatever you want to say in whatever tone and not have to worry about repercussions (you stay safe) and you also often gain something from it.

 

[Watcher]

Don't do this for at least another five years.

Confronting abusers and going to the police are for the end of therapy, not as something to do as a process of healing.

You will never get the validation that you are looking for from your family, that is part of the package deal with having an abusive family. Read these forums people's children on here try to confront their parents all the time, more crazy making just goes on.

Are you still living with some family member's? If you are then you are opening yourself up for even more abuse.

Your thoughts that you won't get better until you confront your abusers is magical thinking. This is not true.

You will end up isolated and alone.

Abusive families never own their behaviours, your email will be used as further proof that you are the problem. Don't give them more ammunition.

Get a proper trauma therapist, the person you are seeing is an idiot. You have to be stable for a couple of years before you even begin to think about confrontation with abusers.

I did this and it was counter productive. As unfair as it is you will never get what you are wanting. This will put you in a more vulnerable position.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I don't even know all of my abusers (as the DID parts keep the identity of some still locked away). One of my therapists that I see when I am in the hospital asked what I thought would happen if I tried to confront an abuser. She said the abuser would most likely not validate my feelings or share the same truth of what happened as I have. If I could confront my abusers, I don't think I would. I think I would write do not send letters instead and get all my anger, sadness, and frustration out in those. I think if I did confront my abusers I would be setting myself up for a whole bunch of negative feelings with very little in the positive. But I could be wrong about that.