Finding Hope And Joy In Christmas

[Mim28]

I bought a new Christmas tree today. I disposed of my old, well loved tree after last Christmas.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Not so much for all the festivities, because, frankly, all the running around, gift buying, parties, planning, puts me in a high state of anxiety. I can't stand crowds and I need my downtime.

I really enjoy Christmas for what it truly represents. I like to sit alone and look at the tree and I usually reflect on how blessed my life has been and how truly grateful I am for the loving people I have in my life. I do often feel it brings out the best in people, if even for just a short time.

This year is different. I am not who I was and I am having a very hard time even living anything remotely close to my typical life. I can't work and I can barely leave the house. My days are filled with anxiety and I usually only get moments of peace in the evening. I've barely had energy to do basic tasks, let alone think of Christmas.
Each year we say we won't go crazy buying presents and each year we do. We keep saying, we just need to stop with all the gifts and just enjoy each other. This year, I am not sure what the future holds for me, so I told my family that I thought we should limit the gifts. Many were relieved, but somehow, I feel like I've let myself down and I start to question if I am giving up.
But I had to get the tree. Something in me felt that if I didn't, I would be giving up. I need to see that tree this year and I need to look at it and reflect on all that is good in my life.

What gets you through the holidays?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

What gets you through the holidays?

Sheer will power. It is, by far, the hardest holiday for me due to the past.

When I lived in KS, I would go over board on decorations and decorate Thanksgiving evening while watching the plaza lights on tv. I miss the plaza lights.

Last 8 years that ive been back in Fl, it was just sheer will power....and drugs up until 2 years ago so i should say the last 2 years its been sheer will power.

I dont know. I think finding some calm, some beauty, something like being blessed to have a family or whatever. Some beauty in it all. I think that is the best thing.

 

[EveHarrington]

You'll be fine without all the material things.

My mom said just today that we're not doing the gift thing. I won't get into the reasons but I was fine with it.

The last few years I've not wanted anything anyway. I'm not a material person and if I actually want something I just find a way to buy it for myself. Too many years of controlling gift giving by others I suppose. And "gifts" is at the bottom of my love languages.

The holidays to me are about seeing family, doing holiday activities, and helping others. My evolved sense of the season makes the former me feel like a selfish clod. But I was a kid, so that's what Christmas means to kids.

 

[Silver.]

I have never done well with Christmas, but I do love Christmas Eve. The warm fuzzy feelings, sitting in the dark with twinkling blue lights, listening to music, talking and drinking cocoa or eggnog. The month of December, we watch a Christmas movie a night. We decorate with little cities and the like. We make it a point to do at least one homemade gift no matter the holiday, and I always think that is the best part.
Through all of this I am just "ack, Christmas" because it has always been just so-darned-hard. But I focus on the reason I am doing all this, the traditions I created to make it more enjoyable, the comfort in just being, and the gratefulness that I made it another year to get to mentally complain about it
So sorry things are still so hard for you x

 

[Nessa7]

I'm a bit opposite. I enjoy most of the stuff that should be stressful, like buying gifts, decorating, planning, and running around. The only one that gives me anxiety is cooking food on Christmas and Christmas Eve. It's the family stuff that makes me feel depressed.

I get through it by knowing when I need a break and to pretend that it isn't Christmas time. There are some parts of the holiday will totally consume me if I let them, and I usually deal with that by getting them over with as early as possible.

 

[Snowflake]

Holidays are difficult I just want to be a bear and sleep through them.

 

[Mim28]

I received my new tree and while it's early I put it up. It's not decorated but the lights are on. It's a start. It's a glimpse into the future. It's something to bring comfort and lift my spirits. I can't change the past but I can help bring a brighter future. My heart isn't in it but that's okay. It's all going to be okay.

 

[loui50]

Mim..i love christmas but things have changed for us this year to and i dont know what Christmas holds for us. BUT..this year my kids are excited for Santa. 5 and 3, this is the first time they get it since the 5 year old is delayed. I am excited for the kids!!

We started limiting, actually did away with adult gifts a few years ago. it was a HUGE relief. This year my husband and i will exchange gifts for the first time in like 10 years. I am looking forward to that.

I look forward to all the parades and driving around looking at lights. can you walk through your neighborhood at night and look at the lights? carry a hot cocoa with you :)

 

[Mim28]

I'm so glad for you Loui. It's nice to see things looking up for you and the kids. I will make the best of it. I will certainly try.

 

[gealach]

I struggle with Christmas. I decorate, bake, and do presents etc just because it's the done thing, but I don't really enjoy it. I mostly just can't wait for it to be done. (OMG I'm such a humbug!!! :wideeyed:)

But I love Halloween and St. Paddy's :joyful:

 

[heyheyhey]

I bought a new Christmas tree today. I disposed of my old, well loved tree after last Christmas.

Christm...

You're not giving up, you're just giving yourself a rest. Your PTSD doesn't define you and we always come back from the bad times. I know that it can seem so hopeless and like it destroys the future, when you're in a downward turn - but we've been down before and have come back up.

In my down turns, I take some time to do small things that bring me joy, I spend time grounding myself in my body and in how my emotions physically feel. Being mindful of the physical sensations, helps me to see how everything is passing through like clouds in the sky - even the smaller feelings. Yesterday, I observed how I could sense the somatic shifts from fear, to shame, to sadness: these emotions aren't objectively positive, but it was so comforting to see how they weren't so solid as I used to believe and in fact, that they are shifting all the time. Yoga and mindfulness help me to observe the shift more, and help me to also tap into some sense of peace and wellbeing too.


I guess for me I love the music, all the lights, the decorations, I love how people seem to feel cheerful and are kinder and seem excited - that's lovely! Christmas is a time when I think about the homeless a lot and it's when I feel the most sad about the people on the streets. I've built up homeless shoeboxes before and I look forward to doing that this year.

I think Christmas should be about giving to people in need and trying to better yourself. This year, I'm going to do a reverse Advent calendar, where for each day I buy something for people who are less well off or who are homeless and then donate everything at the end.

Compassion is what keeps my heart warm, it's cheesy but it's true. Since my acute PTSD kicked in, I think I've steeled myself from feeling it a lot but I've felt a lot more miserable, and realise how much peace and happiness being gentle and kind has brought me, I feel like it's who I am and who I want to be, not angry and mistrustful and feeling like "I wish this never happened and I have it worse than everyone". I'm 24 and I don't want to be like my family, who steel their hearts and don't open up their world to other people, and with my PTSD going awol, i started to think it had already happened lol. Now a lot of the extreme, frightening anxiety has dampened down a lot, I feel ready to go back to opening my heart. I guess I think it's sad that PTSD can change the core of who you are, but I see looking back, I also learnt a lot about developing compassion for people with more extreme mental illness and suffering, and I separate them far less in my mind from myself. in hindsight, I see that it was a path to becoming better and more compassionate, like all the junk helped me understand other people more, when I couldn't understand them before. Anyway, I'm going off on one, but Christmas seems like the perfect time to reconsider my values and start making them the focus of my life again :). "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion", this quote rings true for me and Christmas is about remembering that for me.

 

[Mim28]

I've been walking, but not today. It's too cold, snowy and windy. I put up my new, undecorated tree. It's one step at a time for me these days. Not the full steam ahead lady I was before. So maybe I decorate the tree. maybe I pretend to be feeling like I used to and maybe looking at that pretty tree will remind me of who I was.
Everyone always loved my tree. I loved my tree. I loved Christmas and all it meant. Maybe today I just decorate the tree for the sake of doing something normal and feeling normal.
so no walk outside, but maybe walking inside, doing inside will help. It has to be a step towards regaining who I was or who I will become.
I feel like I'm sitting here waiting to get better and I know that is not good.
So while it's much earlier in the season than I normally decorate, maybe it's what I need.